Fleeting Happiness

Merry Christmas, and a happy holiday – whichever best suits your occasion.

The holidays are a difficult time for people. Family is hard, and the sharper your memory is when it comes to holiday seasons past, the more hot & cold this time of year can be when thinking about loved ones far away, or even loved ones close by that are kept segregated from us by health restriction or political arguments. I won’t weigh in on that other to acknowledge that it’s not necessarily ‘the hap-happiest season of all.’

But the role of happiness is sordid at best.

To live in a state of perpetual happiness is impossible; I’m sure you’ve noticed, since happiness is a fleeting and temporary emotion – yet that doesn’t prevent anyone from including it in their goals & visions for the future. We’ve all said, or heard a parent say that they ‘just want their kids to be happy‘ but when we really start to dissect that, we find that it doesn’t really mean anything. After all, to be ‘perpetually happy’ would mean that nothing would ever be powerful enough to shake you. You’d never be challenged, and thus never learn anything. You’d never be humbled by circumstance, and thus never have empathy or sympathy. You’d never learn anything, because you’d never need to know any more than you already know.

Any personal progress would halt completely. Why would anyone wish that upon their children, or themselves?
Short answer: they wouldn’t.

At the risk of coming across as pessimistic, it’s not a stretch to say that every good day I have is measured against another day that was worse. People suffer hardships every day, and it’s only a matter of time before it’s my turn; assuming of course, that I’m not suffering now. Even then, that’s before we assess what makes a day good or bad; or to put it another way, what circumstance holds so much sway that it has the power to determine the outcome of an entire day. Certainly some events do, but most should not.

Now, to address the statement of ‘personal progress halting completely‘ – I don’t want to get into comparing days of the week so much as I want to talk about the curse of contentment. Purgatory. Anyone who’s spent any time navigating the tumultuous nature of a pandemic knows what it is to have the joyous occasions sucked out of their lives and be left with only the mundane task of waiting.

It may be revealing to say that part of the reason I was able to take my health so seriously throughout the pandemic was due to lack of control of anything else. My emotional & spiritual health improvements have followed suit, as they statistically tend to do so – but the fact remains that I ultimately feel stunted in my journey because despite the growth I’ve mentioned and documented thus far, my life’s purpose feels bridled at best. Progress is being made daily but the bigger steps I’d hoped to be making by this point are slowed and I feel like I’m not able to pursue my purpose to the degree of which I am capable.

To further complicate my thoughts on the matter, Einstein’s unofficial definition of insanity keeps coming to mind: ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result‘ which is what my day to day often feels like, as it does for most people navigating the murky waters of COVID-19, but throw this one into the mix: ‘if you can’t be happy where you are, how can you be happy at the next level?‘ and I’m faced with a conundrum. Should I be happy where I am, or should I stop doing the same thing over and over? Are these statements at odds with each other, or is that just my perception in this moment?

Hold on while I blur the lines further: as I heard it stated recently by Tommy Rivs in an interview on the Rich Roll Podcast: ‘We’re not victims of happiness. It doesn’t just happen to us‘ and he goes on to discuss making a choice to pursue it. His unique perspective is refreshing, and I highly recommend listening to that interview.

I already know that the pursuit of a happy life is a lesson in patience among other things I can’t even fathom right now, and I realize the vague nature of this writing. I’m writing this way to keep from coming across as complaining, which is easily and obviously working as a defense mechanism. Who am I even defending myself from? I choose to post these things. I choose vulnerability.

Regardless, I AM being rhetorical – but I do have plans and they are on hold.
I know, I know… I’m not the only one.
But maybe now you know that you’re not the only one.

So back to the thing I can control… my physical challenge… fitness this week had it’s intense challenges, and I was truly blessed to have my ‘driving kids to school’ duties alleviated by the Christmas break – not a thing I’d planned but a gift I will gladly receive. I’ve grown to love endurance sport and the sense of accomplishment that comes with it – and my only complaint is the time commitment. It’s the reason I don’t think I could work towards an Iron Man event or anything resembling that, because of the life restructuring that would need to take place in order to train. The sacrifices I’m not prepared to make in regards to my artistic output come into the conversation at some point as well.

There’s nothing overtly wrong with that line of thinking. It doesn’t make me ‘soft’ to have priorities outside of fitness – but fitness is always in mind as I move forward. Perhaps a restructuring will take place in some organic way – I’m open to that.

I am still in pursuit of the religious experience I’ve mentioned before, but deep down I know it’s not going to happen on a stationary bike in a public rec centre, so I attempt to stay ‘in the moment’ while lookin forward to warmer days, when I can connect with my environment more naturally.

Our half-olympic event is next week – due to some scheduling conflicts, we’ve opted to do the Half-Triathlon on Monday, December 27th!
I’ll also be posting some video in the next few days – please watch for that.
If I don’t write another entry before New Years’ Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all the best in 2022.