More Sunrises

I can say in earnest that I’ve seen more sunrises in the last 2 years than I did in the 20 previous. Realistically, during those previous 20, I saw them because I was still up, rather than now, getting up to meet them. Every once in a while I stop and take a picture, as if I felt compelled to prove it happened.

I think a lot about change and evolution – not in the ‘human evolutionary’ sense, but in the personal sense. We are learning beings, capable of growth and redemption. Sometimes I think about when people accomplish amazing feats like completing an Ironman competition, or climbing a mountain, and those people are celebrated, and I think about times I’ve been celebrated for things I’ve done and I wonder if those people feel the same way I do – like they’re not done yet. Sure, they’ve crossed the finish line, or reached the peak, and have amazing stories to suit those occasions, but when I think about what I’ve done, these things get filed away in a folder of things I’ve done. I move on to the next thing I guess, and it makes me wonder if I should stop and celebrate my accomplishments… take a break… before I resume my storyline. This is my thought process as we’re now a month away from the Olympic Tri, which among the obvious, means that we’ve got a new training schedule to conjure. Both are exciting, honestly.

Maybe that stream of consciousness doesn’t make sense, or maybe it does.

When we did the half-tri back in December, we punished it. We walked away from that event saying “we can do more” and forged ahead. When we do the olympic length triathlon in roughly a month, the same may happen. We already know what we want to do next… but I guess what I’m pondering is: How do I feel about that? Have I been conditioned through disappointment in my life not to get too excited about these things? Am I just shy? or humble? Do I have imposter syndrome?

Maybe it’s not worth beating myself up over, but I can’t help but wonder; even with real Olympic Athletes, once the medals are handed out and the fanfare is over, how do they process? Do they revel in it…? Or do they wake up early, and watch another sunrise through the streams of sweat in the cold early morning?

Despite that melancholy stream of consciousness, training this week has been great. It’s a busy week with an even busier weekend, as I played last night in Edmonton, and will be playing in Calgary tonight, so I’m likely going to have to move my Sunday workout to Monday, but it’s worth it.