rituals

I think a lot about traditions. I suppose I am a fairly traditional person, not only in my old-school proclivities when it comes to music, cars, tattoos, and the like, but I think my values are fairly traditional as well – especially for how left-leaning I tend to be in my ideologies. I’m an adult, caucasian male with a child, a partner, a dog, a house… the bird’s eye view of my life is that it’s pretty normal, and I’m fully aware and supportive of less normal methods.

I’m sure a lot for people see the word ‘traditional’ and think about ‘conservative family values’ and things of that nature – but the truth is that conservative politicians use words like ‘traditional’ to blur the lines and appeal to centrists, and present a set of values that are hard to argue against… because we ALL have traditions.

The other ‘traditions’ that come to mind are essentially social contracts. They tend to involve multiple people, a certain type of meal (typically a dead animal – gross), and excessive drinking (also gross), and some sort of dessert (awesome). Traditions like these tend to bring about a lot of stress, too. We take part in these things despite the fact that they (a) take a lot out of us, and (b) tend to make us feel shitty afterwards… but here we are celebrating everything from the birth of Christ to the birth of the nation by living in excess.

When we take away all the ugly and sentimental parts of tradition, we’re left with something special – the ritual.

Rituals can be anything, but are always private and tend to be both personal, and for self-betterment. This can be anything from Kundalini yoga to the application of your eyeliner. My entire morning can be accounted for as a ritual from the time I wake up, to the method by which I prepare my morning oatmeal, to the order my workout happens, to the time and manner in which I arrive to work. Not all of it is spent alone, but all of it is personal.

In short: ritual = good, social contract = meh

So as I reflect back on the most traditional time of the year. To quote Bart Simpson, “Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ” and while that’s a humorous statement, we certainly have social contracts being thrown at us from all sides no matter how we were brought up. I won’t go so far as to say I hate Christmas, but I will say that (a) as a vegan, it’s an atrocity, (b) as a workin’ stiff, it’s a financial drain, and (c) as an introvert, it’s incredibly draining. If it wasn’t for a bit of magic in the air, and the fact that I am a father, I might withdraw from it completely – and honestly, as I age (and as my daughter ages) there seems to be less for me on the horizon every year.

That might sound sad, but I think that’s fine. I can roll with whatever, and if what comes is an escapist vacation to a tropical land from Dec 20th to January 3rd then so be it. If it means spending more time with extended family as my brother’s family grows, then I’m good with that, too – but I think more of this season needs to be on my own terms, even though my own terms would include a certain sacrifice of time and money.

I guess what I’m saying is that I am good with the change that will inevitably come. I am not the only one aging here, and my daughter is bound to start her own rituals and traditions around the holiday season before long.

I’m elated that anyone would want to spend time with me… and when those occasions arise, I hope I have the wherewithal to join in and genuinely be merry without some misplaced sense of obligation.