ability

It’s funny… as soon as I post a word salad about listening to music while on the treadmill, I start listening to podcasts and audiobooks again. I guess there’s no wrong way to do that (other than to not do it, of course). Anyway – in that auditory word exploration, specifically by way of the podcast “Ologies” and even more specifically by way of a couple specific episodes of that podcast, I’m finding that I may have some specific… modus operandi, we’ll say.

I’m going to proceed to dance around what that is and what it means from here on, because I have not had a formal diagnosis of any kind, though I am thinking I may pursue one.

A formal diagnosis could provide explanation for my food addiction compulsions, the way I think and act, and why I’ve had such trouble being understood throughout my early life. If I were to confirm what’s up (note: I’m avoiding saying there’s something wrong with me) then I may also receive some validation for some of the coping mechanisms I’ve implemented in my life. It should also explain the folks I keep around me (by this point, if you have what I think I have then please don’t spoil the ending for the rest of the class)

This is coming at a time when I’ve actually been wondering what to do with this blog… whether I should shut it down or not. I don’t know how anyone else who regularly reads this (though there are a bunch of you and I am grateful for that!) might feel about it, but it’s felt a bit rudderless to me lately. I enjoy doing it, so I persist, but going back to the beginning I was primarily documenting triathlon training, going vegan, and a great number of spiritual conquests surrounding addiction and my relationship with environment.

I take that stuff with me everywhere I go, but I’m not actively training to compete, and I’m not going to stop being vegan. So I talk about the art life. I love the art life… but it’s subjective. I’m reluctant to talk about the process of recording music because it’s such a long process that context is hard to give unless I start blogging daily (pfft no) and continuing a longer story. I don’t want to do that.

So I’m excited about this nugget of self discovery that may lead to a new line of narration here.

I guess we’ll see what shakes out.