Author: Davey

If there’s something that the ol’ covid pandy has taught me (note: there’s a myriad of things the pandemic has taught me and I could likely start every blog entry for the next several years with that opening line) it’s the glaring communication issues that befall us.

It’s not just the algorithm that has failed us (which is a whole other topic) nor is it the fact that every topic of discussion seems to have been politicized to the point that many people are afraid to share their opinions for fear of a flame-war in the comments section.

I hypothesize that the problem with surface level dialogue is the surface level, itself.

Citing myself as an example, there are a lot of things I can weigh in on at an almost-expert level. We’re all armchair professionals at in regards to our own interests, so I can talk about the health benefits of not eating animal flesh, guitar specs, 1960’s Fords, musical theory, triathlon, and a great number of other topics and really – nobody cares. I’m impassioned by these topics, and in most company – I’m alone. A former version of myself might come to that conclusion and be really sad about it, while another former version of myself might be in total denial about it, but the end result is the same – these things don’t matter to most people, thus most people aren’t going to connect with me at that level.

However, as I search hard & dig deep into myself and feel compelled to share (I mean really share, not just by hitting the ‘share’ button) my accomplishments with the triathlon training, or a song I’ve written, or a vulnerable story I’ve somehow cobbled together using the vast black hole that is the English language and something crazy happened: people started to connect. Not about triathlon – nobody cares about triathlon (as previously stated). Most people who are paying attention think that running a triathlon is a fool’s errand and they’re probably right. What they seem to be connecting with is the fact that I am accomplishing something hard. I’m doing a thing that I couldn’t have done 6 months ago.

I’m improving myself – and most people that are excited about that are probably excited about it because it needed to happen. OR – they’re excited because they are improving themselves and now we share that. They are probably trying something hard that they’re reluctant to post about on social media for the aforementioned reasons. Perhaps it’s vicarious – and they want to try something hard – maybe they will.

They don’t care about what I care about. They care about me.
I care about them.
I care about you. I want you to do well at everything you try – but I also want it to be hard, and for you to learn something about yourself.

The surface-level will always be there. It needs to be, really – but I am finding that as much as I need to get below the surface level, people seem to really need to connect with me below the surface level, too. In a world full of hashtag-best-life posts, and so many people only showing their most picturesque vacations and culinary delights filtered through the instagram lens – it’s important to find and connect with the doers and the creators. After last year, I think we’re all screaming for it.

Now for the part you don’t care about (HA!): triathlon training.

This week’s training program has been a bit of reprieve, and well-timed. The bike, Swim, and run workouts have been at about half-capacity from last week and with life moving at it’s current pace, I couldn’t be happier about it. it gives me time to try and figure out how I’m going to pencil in next week’s utter punishment. PUNISHMENT I say.

The week has been exhausting and Christmas is coming. My band, Confusionaires just made arrangements with a new manager, and I’ve got some guitar gigs with an Elvis Tribute act I play with booking in the new year – both are wonderful opportunities, but as Thomas Edison is credited with saying: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work” – but… Edison was no Tesla.

When I was younger and it was the 90’s, this thing called the internet showed up and a myriad or wide-eyed, speculative ideas poured from people as to what was possible, and in some contrast, there was just as many fears – some founded and some not – being thrown around just as hard.

One of those founded fears that I recall being talked about in class, was online conduct, and how people would be able to access things you said (in ‘chat rooms’ at the time) years after you said them, and hold them against you, which ‘could be an issue if you ever wanted to be a politician or a public figure.’ seems that fear was pretty rational.

Now, I’m not saying it’s right so much as I’m saying it’s true – that’s clearly a very real thing.

I don’t want to talk about Cancel culture.
I want to talk about redemption.

There are times in all of our lives when we’ve made regrettable decisions. We’ve hurt people, we’ve abused our friends, our family, and ourselves. We’ve lied and used words we shouldn’t have used that have had a lasting affect on people. We’ve rung bells we can’t un-ring.

And hopefully…

We’ve redeemed ourselves.
We’ve apologized and made peace.
Changed behaviors.
Some people don’t, of course. Changing is a choice, but so is staying the same.
For many of us; though, we likely no longer even resemble the person we once were who said and did those things. So the question becomes: Should our former selves be held to a more modern standard?

This is where forgiveness and redemption meet.

I believe when you apologize or ask for forgiveness, you are not asking someone to ‘get over’ your error. Rather, what you are asking for is permission to stop shouldering the burden of your behavior. The affected parties CAN grant you this permission if they deem it appropriate, but they might not choose to do so on the timeline that you’ve chosen. They might need more time. They might need to observe that you’ve changed before they can do that. And honestly, they might never grant you that – and that is their part of the story.

Personally, I’m hoping to make amends with someone who’s feelings I was reckless with over a decade ago. It’s been a long road and I’m confident that I can show him that I’m not who I used to be anymore, and his willingness to let me take a step closer indicates to me that he’s done some growing and changing, too. This won’t happen immediately but I keep that situation in mind. He’s not the only person I’ve done this to, but I’ve managed to get to a place of mutual respect with the others, even if the issues were never directly addressed in conversation. Perhaps they should be.

Fitness this week has been pretty wild. Following my swimming lesson with my pal Clay, I’m moving much quicker through the water and although I’ve still got improvements to make, I’m excited to watch myself improve. Aside from that, the way my schedule worked out this week meant having a BRick (bike & run) workout on both Saturday and Tuesday – both of which were punishing, but came with a great feeling of accomplishment. Truthfully, I feel like I can do this half-olympic triathlon any day now, but I am dedicated to completing the training program (which is getting more and more intense).

We’re also pretty confident that we have a day picked out in 2022 for the full-distance Olympic triathlon, but I’m going to stay tight-lipped about that for the time being, because I need to formulate a tentative tour schedule.

I’ve spent more time in my life than I care to admit to (or can reasonably articulate) making decisions about myself without any real consideration of anything. Vague as that sounds – so have you.

I’m reminded with some regularity that we spend much of our teen years deciding who we are going to be as adults. I was no different – I’ve been a rock-&-roll-musician-songwriter-type-guy for ever. In that regard I was absolutely correct, however I can say unequivocally that I talked myself out of trying things that I might have really enjoyed, and may have even guided the path of my life differently. For better or worse… I can’t change the past.

But – I can change.

If you’ve known me for a number of years then you know that this is of no surprise. I’ve changed quite a bit and continue to do so.

One of the most obvious things I went for was the rock & roll cliche dream. Whiskey & cigarettes & drugs & late nights & parties & gas station food & being on tour & sleeping in the van & being a poet. Later on, I compromised my trajectory and second guessed my abilities. I settled for a lesser version of what I was capable of and a couple decades later I’m making up for it. I honestly feel like a kid, pushing hard in my musical endeavors and dreaming big – because there’s nothing stating that there’s any less opportunity for me as a 40-something than as a 20-something. A career in music is tough for any age, but I’m much more equipped to make better decisions regarding that career now.

Anyway… I did all that and I was good at it, and I will continue to do it. But sometimes as I’m running outside in the cold and my mind starts to drift, I think about the times I audibly said ‘I’m not a sports guy.’ There are elements of truth to that – I’ve never been a TEAM sports guy, and I’m not keen on playing any games that put my guitar playing at risk by messing up my hands or fingers… but then again, I really didn’t look very hard at alternatives. I was on one-track. I put that limitation on myself, and I really didn’t need to – I already had limitations put on me from a defunded education system and a poverty line that rose faster than the household income. (I’m not casting blame on circumstance – just acknowledging it).

Funny how things can change. I can’t even say with certainty that I’ll do triathlon forever, because – wouldn’t that also be a limitation?

Speaking of eschewing limitations, THIS WEEK I took a swimming lesson from a friend & former colleague through work, Clay. He’s a veritable powerhouse in the water and has probably forgotten more than I know about staying afloat, so it was great to get some formal drills and have a critique of my form from such a knowledgeable source. I’ve got some work to do but I’m a lot more confident with my flutter kick now and have some drills I can do to get warm and stay as hydrodynamic as possible. I’m sure I’ll be hitting him up for more pointers before long, but he’s certainly left me with some things to focus on and I am beyond appreciative.

The rest of the training week has been pretty on-track, really. I got my 5 km run in this week at 31:30, and got a solid 45minutes on the bike. Tomorrow; however is the heaviest brick workout to date, with 22.5km on the bike and a 30 minute run. Beyond that, I’m performing my first solo show in years later that afternoon so I’ve got more than just a couple things to think about.

Upon reflection, the hindsight of the training week is always quite rose-colored as I’ve chocked it up to accomplishment, which I suppose is the problem with a weekly retrospective account of things. In the moment it’s not always that. The moment burns sometimes, and I have bouts of wondering how I’m even going to finish the session, let alone the challenge. I don’t have a solution, or an explanation of what to do, or how to proceed. I do know that those moments are fleeting though.

Lu told me once that anxiety only lasts a second, and that it’s your memory of the anxious moment that looms in the air around you. Remembering that is helpful. Believing that you’re capable of more than you think is also helpful. And, knowing that the most beautiful works in nature, from thunderstorms to diamonds are all created under stress, pressure, and friction – and strong will and good character are products of the same.

Hey all,

I have a pretty solid morning routine. There are numerous sources that will confirm that this is one of the ‘secrets of success’ or some such rhetoric, and as true as that is for a myriad of reasons, there can certainly be an element of frenzy when it comes down to execution. To this I have no choice but to say: ‘whatevs‘

Not to be too dismissive, of course – but one of the primary purposes of the morning practice is to start the day of in a peaceful, productive, and grateful frame of mind – to be ‘in the moment’ is the ultimate goal for most people who employ a morning practice. However it seems reasonable to me that if the morning routine brings about stress and frenzy to get everything done, that you are likely not feeling particularly grateful or peaceful and the moment is difficult to be in if you’re constantly chasing it.

There have been more than a few mornings where I didn’t get my meditation practice done, or any writing for that matter. The snooze button is an inviting mistress on the colder days and the gym feels far away. We must acknowledge these things for what they are – bumps in the road, at best – certainly not a full on derailment of practice. Furthermore if the goal is to live life ‘in the moment’ as much as possible then would we not also want to eventually find ourselves in a place where no morning routine was needed?

I liken it to another thing that people often find stressful at first that eases with time: counting calories.

The purpose of monitoring and limiting calories is really to train yourself to eat less (or more, depending on the goal) and the ultimate goal is to be able to eat intuitively. This can take years, and as a food addict I assure you I’m not there. If anything I have developed a crutch-like relationship with monitoring my food because I don’t trust my intuition. Whether I should or should not trust my intuition will have to be tested at some point down the road, too. But to be so comfortable that I could remove that unit of measure feels both freeing and dangerous.

I digress.

To be stressed about completing a relaxing and reflective morning routine sounds more like a religious fixation than it does a helpful practice. My morning routine fits a schedule and is tuned to the digital clock affixed to the stove in my kitchen, but what I wouldn’t give to remove that unit of measure. To wake up when I am done sleeping, to meditate and write for whatever measure of time felt best, to exercise until I’m satisfied with the effort I’ve put in rather than to an integer of time before readying myself for the work day.

While on the subject of getting the work done… THIS WEEK I did ‘ve followed the program to the letter except for one BRick workout that had an abbreviated bike segment (by about 3km) but scheduling was the issue, not energy or strength. Tuesday ended up being a rest day because of (a) a massive dump of snow that took several hours to deal with, and (b) the DEXA scan appoint Lu an I made.

Taking the emotional temperature for the week certainly comes back to the DEXA scan. For those who don’t know, the DEXA a body scan that tells you everything you could ever ask about your physical body. Body fat % vs lean muscle %, where muscle and fat are located in your body, which one of your arms is stronger… everything.

Ultimately, I’m in good physical shape. I’ve achieved ‘average’ build which is great considering I was quite obese when I last did this scan in 2018. Before we went in, I guessed my body fat % and got it pretty much on the nose, however it was still bothersome to me that I am still overweight according to what the World health Organization chart would indicate – I can chock that up to muscle since every other aspect of the test was good, but I WAS hoping for some pleasant surprises that I didn’t receive. Turns out, I’m pretty in-tune with my body at this juncture even though I think some numbers may have been thrown off by doing this scan too close to a cheat day – but really, I should eschew excuse. I booked this appointment myself, so if that’s a factor, it’s on me, but I will certainly keep a closer eye on the calendar when I book the next one in about 6 months.

So – now to embrace the Dao… to understand the work ahead is work, and to know that preconceived expectations are not my friend. The work IS the reward, and the DEXA is a snap-shot account. Maybe I need to snap back to that morning routine while I’m at it.

Hey all,

I’ve been thinking about stereotypes a bit this week as I move through the training days. I remember back when I was young and I was making uninformed decisions about who I am (a subject we’ll get into before long, I suppose) and who I thought other people were.

I remember the typical ‘jock’ stereotype loosely resembling Moose from the Archie comics, among other similar examples: Essentially a big dumb jock with one thing going for him – athleticism. I guess I just decided that was true despite many examples to the contrary (my own brother being one of them), there were, indeed, intelligent athletes.

Fast forward 20-something years to the golden age of podcasting, when we’re graced with such mythical creatures as the numerous ethically-moral college-educated medical analysts with elite physical prowess, body builders with PhD’s, endurance athletes and strong people with varying degrees who advocate for social justice and against climate change. Educated people who are extremely well educated and well versed in the ins & outs of sustainable farming, methane & co2 emissions, who advocate for better health – who are active in their communities.

It feels like a new era of ‘punk rock‘ to me, honestly. People are doing amazing things, gaining media attention, and using that attention to speak up about important issues. It’s exciting, and I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t been inspiring to me to make my own voice heard.

There’s a group of people actively trying to extend their life expectancy, and doing so with the intent of spending those years on a planet that is in dire straits is counterintuitive – so really, how can we not advocate for cleaner water, cleaner food, community support, and a more hospitable planet? This is a topic I could get on my soapbox about pretty easily but I’ll sum it up here:

Despite the fact that commercial waste and animal agriculture are largely responsible for the rate of damage to this planet, the companies responsible are doing this in response to the market demand. We are the market.
I; much like yourself, resent the fact that we as consumers are being guilted simply because we’re the end user of all these unethically made products.
However, if the market is no longer profitable for these companies who behave this way, they’ll change their tune. This means personal sacrifice on the part of the consumer in order to shift the market. In other words, buckle up – because it’s going to be a bumpy ride, and you can choose to make changes, or you can be forced to make changes. As a man you lost 166 lbs in his 30s I can assure you that it’ll be an easier time if you choose to make changes.

THIS WEEK was pretty wild, we did what I thought was a super-sprint triathlon, though I’ve been corrected by a friend on Twitter to learn that what we did was actually more than that.

Finishing 500m swim, 10km bike, and 2.5km run gave me a great sense of accomplishment and a full-body soreness that I wore like a badge of honor through the rest of the day. I want to train like that all the time, and maybe one day I will be able to – but in the mean time I know that my limits are further out than I’d anticipated.

We got into the pool 3 times this week, and on to the weight bench once. Next week’s training schedule looks a little more normal, though I will be taking a swimming lesson from a friend before long that should clear up any bad habits I’m forming.

As a vegan athlete; a self referential term I’m warming up to, I follow a good number of – you guessed it – vegan athletes’ social media accounts, and although the vegan community *can* be a community of socially conscious, inspiring people – the athletic community can be decidedly different than that.

I won’t paint any group of people with a wide brush – to do so would be divisive and certainly not helpful, but there’s a lot of ‘tough as nails’ talk from a lot of athletes that focus so much on being ‘hardcore’ and using colorful language reminiscent of being in a boxing ring with a heavyweight champion, and as much as the message being transmitted is unequivocally true (and it does speak to me at times), I just can’t personally be brought to use language like that in this stage of my life – there are a few reasons why. Here’s one:

I spent a lot of my life carrying a ‘tough as nails’ demeanor as a way of letting people know that I didn’t want to engage. I’m a natural introvert and an artist, and have spent a lot of time being uncomfortable in my own skin and I thought giving off a certain ‘unapproachable‘ vibe would protect me – but it didn’t. What it actually did was make people want to take me down a peg, and it ultimately caused more discomfort and anguish in my life than I probably deserved.

Carrying myself this way did no good for anyone – not for me, and certainly not for anyone I cared about or could have connected with… people who could have enriched my life in unimaginable ways, and I was denying myself the opportunity.

I genuinely want to have a different, more introspective tone and I hope that reaches people. If you’re following along and you’re pushing your personal boundaries, be they physical, social, emotional, psychological, or are working to improve yourself in any way AND you respond more positively to a warm reception than ‘tough’ rhetoric then I am happy to extend that to you, and I applaud you 100%.

Not to discount those ‘tough guy’ athletes in any way – When I’m on the bench trying to squeeze a few more reps out, or I’m a 2kms from home and I know that if I stop & walk, it’ll throw my whole day’s schedule off – I have to conjure up the internal internal fight to get it done, but I’m working to improve more than just my physique through all of this, and I believe you can be physically tough and be warm and inviting at the same time. I don’t often use the word ‘Zen‘ but the image that comes to mind when you hear that word is probably what I’m shooting for.

Speaking of which…

Training update: It’s been a good week.

I swam Tuesday & Friday… Tuesday was both tough and educational. I’m still a bit frantic in the water – my panic button seems to have a bit of a hair-trigger, and once I finished my 500m, I elected to do an extra couple laps – since the pressure was off, they were my most smooth & successful. My education was in realizing (again) that: I am the pressure. I need to calm down.

Our first BRick (bike/run) workout was Monday, 60 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes on the treadmill, which was the longest session I’ve had and one of the longest of the entire program, time-wise. The sense of accomplishment of completing it was immense! It made Saturday’s 45 minutes on the bike feel like a leisurely ride through the park (not really… did a few high-intensity intervals because I was pushing for maximum sweat – but it went by quicker!).

I got into the weight room, as well this week. All in all this week was pretty intense in retrospect and I feel great about rounding the week out the way I did. I got in an extra ‘HIIT’ session on the treadmill which slayed me.

Today’s bike session will be a blast. Might tack a quick run on the end of that gym visit for a little bonus effort.

Next Week: Super Sprint… not sure which day, but it’s happening, in amongst the other punishing workouts.

The family of Edgardo Vista can count themselves lucky to be among the families who’ve not been railroaded by media in the midst of tragedy. Ed was killed last week by his partner’s son from a previous marriage. The details of the case are largely irrelevant because the police have arrested the right person; and following a few personal brushes with the aforementioned suspect, as well as the accounts of some of the other neighbors, I could have told you before all of this that it was likely a matter of time before something nefarious happened.

The truth is that although any one of us can change our trajectory at any time in our lives, the path this young person was on was a path of violence and craze and I’m deeply saddened that events transpired the way they did.

I don’t know how or where to file this, but in this moment I believe that Ed was a hero to all of us on that day. Ed was the sacrifice that made our little street a safer place from an ominous and threatening presence and he deserves a parade.

He was a great neighbor and it makes me sad that he’s gone. All he wanted to do was work hard, be a good neighbor, and he took great pride in his little house. If ever you shoveled his walk, he’d be sure to shovel yours to repay the favor.

I guess I’ll just keep shoveling.

Click here for the EPS Media Release

*** Out of character for this site as it may seem, one of the things I strive for (despite the home life I try to keep private) is emotional transparency and openness with struggle. It’s been a strange time and I wasn’t sure I’d have opportunity to speak my piece about Ed in any other forum.