Blog Posts

Happy New Year, folks. 2022 is upon us and I’m well into pushing myself physically and artistically already… flexing organizational prowess as The Confusionaires work directly with our new manager, Jessi Toms – and enjoying the gradually calming waters of post-holiday chaos with my girlfriend & my kid, & our karmic teacher / canine companion.

I’m sure that most of us can haphazardly wave our index finger in any direction and find an example of someone in a leadership role that really ought not be there. Anyone with the slightest of inclinations towards politics on any level can do that.

But what makes a truly great leader? There are fewer examples to point to, and even historic figures are marred with controversy decades and centuries later.

Many would argue that the best leaders are natural leaders, but any natural leader is likely to tell you that they honed their skills to become who they are – so can a weak leader become a strong leader? Furthermore, can a follower become a leader?

My theory is that the best leaders are the last to know it, and I’m sure I’m not the first nor the last to think so. Quite often the leader is simply the person who wants to get something done, and finds themselves leading the pack out of necessity more than some burning drive to be in charge of other people. Leaders are protectors and resources long before anyone appoints them to be the ‘boss‘ yet a burning majority of individuals at the helm of any organization are propelled there by accolades and money. But, once the financial incentives and glory are removed, people tend to lose interest in leadership.

To be a true leader, one would need to garner the respect of the team, or the community, or the band, or whatever the situation might be. To liken it to a basketball team for example’s sake, the reason that the ‘captain’ of the team is likely the most popular and the hardest working member of the team is because they raise the bar for quality performance. They’re not only a master of their craft but they have garnered the respect of their team both on and off the court. They’re the first to open up vulnerable conversations, they’re the ones making sure you get home safe after a night of drinking, they’re not in front all the time, they’re behind you, propping you up.

The result in this case, is that when you’re on the court with them, you play a harder, faster, and better game because you don’t want to let them down. They do the work – THEN they get the title. They are both completely vulnerable and incredibly strong, and they are always listening, always learning from the other people around them, always bettering themselves – all the while acknowledging that they likely feel that they’re not the ideal candidate because they don’t have all the answers.

Leaders don’t always have the answers, they just try and find the answers more readily.

As I type this I’m reminded of my relationships with my dog, and my kid, my girlfriend, and my band. As much as they’ve all put their lives in my hands, they have so much knowledge to offer me in the way of informal education, they challenge me constantly to be the best, the most present, the strongest – but in each of these scenarios I am rudderless without their input, their level and rate of growth, and their expertise.

That’s just where my head is at today, I suppose.

Our Half-Triathlon happened this past week! The sense of accomplishment with completing not only that event, but the training program is strong to say the least. Worthy of it’s own post, so I’ll keep it understated here (plus I feel like this blog entry is already long enough).

I’m excited to redraw my fitness regimen for the next little while as we plan the circumstances around our full Olympic Length event. Lu and I will be formulating the official date and the 12 week program leading up to that day. The swim will still be indoors, but the bike & the run will happen outdoors with an indoor contingency that I sincerely hope not to use. For now, my workout week will consist of a bike day, a run day, a swim day, and 2 weight-training days (with some time on the rowing machine… my most recent nemesis).

Happy new year, folks.
May this be a year of realizing potential, positive change, and personal growth.

Hey pilgrims,

Today, I lifted weights. After completing the task-at-hand on Monday, and opting for a rest & recovery day on Tuesday – Today I ventured back into the gym and if I’m being completely honest, I felt a little directionless & lost in contrast to the training program I’ve been completely nailed-to over the past 12 weeks.

It wasn’t a sad occasion, and I did make the best of it with a back-&-triceps workout the likes of which my body had not seen in some time, and I approached the given time with an attitude of ‘every action I do today is an action that would not have happened if I’d stayed home;’ however, there was an atmosphere of melancholy as I stepped up to the weight bench and the various cable-pulley machines I utilized that made me feel like this workout was some sort of placeholder until I develop a new program.

In truth, that’s essentially what it was.

But there’s a process that athletes and musicians alike feel after accomplishing a momentous task or a great offering of energy that is something like a hangover. Sort of a grieving of the job well done, for lack of a better term, coupled with the slow regaining of bearings that leaves us in a directionless frame of mind.

It’s not problematic, but it deserves attention.

I reconciled my thoughts with the notion that the entire western world, save for a few outliers, are feeling that way as we all leave the Christmas holiday season in the rear view and bear down on New Year’s. That big illustrious do-over that tells us that things will be different in the new year, but until then we’re free to wallow in our own… humanity, for lack of a more appropriate term.

This time of melancholy reflection is part of the process and it deserves the space it holds between the end of one thing and the beginning of the next. It exists in the same place as the waking hours between rolling out of your nice warm bed and putting your lips up to a hot cup of coffee, before cognizance rushes in and the social contracts of the day snap us to attention.

This is a time we can focus on self care.
I just hope that self care is really what you’re doing, when self harm looms at every corner, cleverly disguised as a good time.

Happy New Year, pilgrims.

Hey all – “how weight loss works” is live now.
I appreciate the likes & shares wherever I can get ’em, and am eternally grateful for the ever-increasing click count these blog updates have been getting.

Merry Christmas, and a happy holiday – whichever best suits your occasion.

The holidays are a difficult time for people. Family is hard, and the sharper your memory is when it comes to holiday seasons past, the more hot & cold this time of year can be when thinking about loved ones far away, or even loved ones close by that are kept segregated from us by health restriction or political arguments. I won’t weigh in on that other to acknowledge that it’s not necessarily ‘the hap-happiest season of all.’

But the role of happiness is sordid at best.

To live in a state of perpetual happiness is impossible; I’m sure you’ve noticed, since happiness is a fleeting and temporary emotion – yet that doesn’t prevent anyone from including it in their goals & visions for the future. We’ve all said, or heard a parent say that they ‘just want their kids to be happy‘ but when we really start to dissect that, we find that it doesn’t really mean anything. After all, to be ‘perpetually happy’ would mean that nothing would ever be powerful enough to shake you. You’d never be challenged, and thus never learn anything. You’d never be humbled by circumstance, and thus never have empathy or sympathy. You’d never learn anything, because you’d never need to know any more than you already know.

Any personal progress would halt completely. Why would anyone wish that upon their children, or themselves?
Short answer: they wouldn’t.

At the risk of coming across as pessimistic, it’s not a stretch to say that every good day I have is measured against another day that was worse. People suffer hardships every day, and it’s only a matter of time before it’s my turn; assuming of course, that I’m not suffering now. Even then, that’s before we assess what makes a day good or bad; or to put it another way, what circumstance holds so much sway that it has the power to determine the outcome of an entire day. Certainly some events do, but most should not.

Now, to address the statement of ‘personal progress halting completely‘ – I don’t want to get into comparing days of the week so much as I want to talk about the curse of contentment. Purgatory. Anyone who’s spent any time navigating the tumultuous nature of a pandemic knows what it is to have the joyous occasions sucked out of their lives and be left with only the mundane task of waiting.

It may be revealing to say that part of the reason I was able to take my health so seriously throughout the pandemic was due to lack of control of anything else. My emotional & spiritual health improvements have followed suit, as they statistically tend to do so – but the fact remains that I ultimately feel stunted in my journey because despite the growth I’ve mentioned and documented thus far, my life’s purpose feels bridled at best. Progress is being made daily but the bigger steps I’d hoped to be making by this point are slowed and I feel like I’m not able to pursue my purpose to the degree of which I am capable.

To further complicate my thoughts on the matter, Einstein’s unofficial definition of insanity keeps coming to mind: ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result‘ which is what my day to day often feels like, as it does for most people navigating the murky waters of COVID-19, but throw this one into the mix: ‘if you can’t be happy where you are, how can you be happy at the next level?‘ and I’m faced with a conundrum. Should I be happy where I am, or should I stop doing the same thing over and over? Are these statements at odds with each other, or is that just my perception in this moment?

Hold on while I blur the lines further: as I heard it stated recently by Tommy Rivs in an interview on the Rich Roll Podcast: ‘We’re not victims of happiness. It doesn’t just happen to us‘ and he goes on to discuss making a choice to pursue it. His unique perspective is refreshing, and I highly recommend listening to that interview.

I already know that the pursuit of a happy life is a lesson in patience among other things I can’t even fathom right now, and I realize the vague nature of this writing. I’m writing this way to keep from coming across as complaining, which is easily and obviously working as a defense mechanism. Who am I even defending myself from? I choose to post these things. I choose vulnerability.

Regardless, I AM being rhetorical – but I do have plans and they are on hold.
I know, I know… I’m not the only one.
But maybe now you know that you’re not the only one.

So back to the thing I can control… my physical challenge… fitness this week had it’s intense challenges, and I was truly blessed to have my ‘driving kids to school’ duties alleviated by the Christmas break – not a thing I’d planned but a gift I will gladly receive. I’ve grown to love endurance sport and the sense of accomplishment that comes with it – and my only complaint is the time commitment. It’s the reason I don’t think I could work towards an Iron Man event or anything resembling that, because of the life restructuring that would need to take place in order to train. The sacrifices I’m not prepared to make in regards to my artistic output come into the conversation at some point as well.

There’s nothing overtly wrong with that line of thinking. It doesn’t make me ‘soft’ to have priorities outside of fitness – but fitness is always in mind as I move forward. Perhaps a restructuring will take place in some organic way – I’m open to that.

I am still in pursuit of the religious experience I’ve mentioned before, but deep down I know it’s not going to happen on a stationary bike in a public rec centre, so I attempt to stay ‘in the moment’ while lookin forward to warmer days, when I can connect with my environment more naturally.

Our half-olympic event is next week – due to some scheduling conflicts, we’ve opted to do the Half-Triathlon on Monday, December 27th!
I’ll also be posting some video in the next few days – please watch for that.
If I don’t write another entry before New Years’ Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all the best in 2022.

I recently read “your brain is a supercomputer, and your self-talk is the program it’s running” – I won’t pretend to take credit for that quote, nor will I profess to remember who should, but it rings pretty true. Here’s another parallel nugget: “mood follows action.”

I work my body hard 5-6 mornings per week, well before the rooster conjures up anything resembling a crowing sound, and my brain goes into a mode of function resembling that of an android setting out to complete a series of tasks: get dressed – turn on the kettle – bury my face in the dog’s soft warm neck – prepare breakfast – take a B12 supplement – eat breakfast – drink coffee. My girlfriend is only a step behind me at any point, and at some point before either of us says anything resembling an intelligible thought, we’ve decided to carry through with the plan for the morning.

Inspiration is a hard thing to find at 5am. What moves us at this point is a heaping helping of discipline, peppered liberally with routine.

Do I want to do what I’m about to do? No.
Do I want to accomplish what I’m about to embark on? Absolutely.

It’s daily. And yes, there are circumstances that arise that obstruct our view… our hours of employment, for one – but also carpooling kids to school, late nights, an occasionally restless dog getting up in the middle of the night.

Alas, life won’t wait. I need to accomplish this task for my physical well-being, and for my mental well-being. We need to do this together whenever possible, for the good of the fellowship of our household. To share the self-imposed burden. We don’t want to let each other down, so we make a point of not discussing our lack of desire to leave the warm comforts of the nest we’ve built – because Lu’s comfort is a priority for me, as mine is for her. we can’t discuss ‘not going’ because if we do, we’ll excuse each other and regret it later – because mood follows action, and we always feel 1000x better having accomplished the tasks of the morning.

We’re lucky to have each other, and to be on this fitness journey together. I realize that we as a couple are a bit of an anomaly in that regard.

Doing hard things is hard.
Not doing them is harder.

Speaking of hard things, training this week was a relentless force especially in contrast to the lighter effort of last week. A hard swim with a focus on technique on Monday, followed by Tuesday’s BRick workout of 29km on the bike and 5km on the treadmill. Another 6.5km run Wednesday, and a 45 minute bike session on Thursday. The weather has been hovering around minus-20 Celsius, which has made leaving the house difficult to say the least, and the presence of ample vegan confectionary delights in our home has only added a temptation that’s hard to deny – but we’re 2 weeks out from our event, and I think it’s this event that’s going to keep us from slipping completely off the track.

But I also know that even if we do go off-track, we’ll get back on, and we won’t put on any holiday weight we can’t lose again. It’s important to acknowledge that to err is human, and that we have the knowledge and practice in place to deal with any bumps in the road.

As anticipated, I’m working on the next video for The Conscious Pilgrim and; also as anticipated, it’s hard.

By this point I’ve actually completed it twice and ash-canned it as many times because there’s something missing. I know what’s missing. I’ve known the whole time – but in an effort to keep it to a certain length I’ve omitted the part of it that makes it personally mine. I can ply you with facts about a certain topic but in the end I’m regurgitating information that I have no business sharing. I can’t provide an accurate case study because I don’t even know how to read one let alone write one.

So I’m processing. I’m cutting it down to a base level of helpful & succinct information and bringing in my own experience… the only credential I have.

Anyway… It’s coming.

If there’s something that the ol’ covid pandy has taught me (note: there’s a myriad of things the pandemic has taught me and I could likely start every blog entry for the next several years with that opening line) it’s the glaring communication issues that befall us.

It’s not just the algorithm that has failed us (which is a whole other topic) nor is it the fact that every topic of discussion seems to have been politicized to the point that many people are afraid to share their opinions for fear of a flame-war in the comments section.

I hypothesize that the problem with surface level dialogue is the surface level, itself.

Citing myself as an example, there are a lot of things I can weigh in on at an almost-expert level. We’re all armchair professionals at in regards to our own interests, so I can talk about the health benefits of not eating animal flesh, guitar specs, 1960’s Fords, musical theory, triathlon, and a great number of other topics and really – nobody cares. I’m impassioned by these topics, and in most company – I’m alone. A former version of myself might come to that conclusion and be really sad about it, while another former version of myself might be in total denial about it, but the end result is the same – these things don’t matter to most people, thus most people aren’t going to connect with me at that level.

However, as I search hard & dig deep into myself and feel compelled to share (I mean really share, not just by hitting the ‘share’ button) my accomplishments with the triathlon training, or a song I’ve written, or a vulnerable story I’ve somehow cobbled together using the vast black hole that is the English language and something crazy happened: people started to connect. Not about triathlon – nobody cares about triathlon (as previously stated). Most people who are paying attention think that running a triathlon is a fool’s errand and they’re probably right. What they seem to be connecting with is the fact that I am accomplishing something hard. I’m doing a thing that I couldn’t have done 6 months ago.

I’m improving myself – and most people that are excited about that are probably excited about it because it needed to happen. OR – they’re excited because they are improving themselves and now we share that. They are probably trying something hard that they’re reluctant to post about on social media for the aforementioned reasons. Perhaps it’s vicarious – and they want to try something hard – maybe they will.

They don’t care about what I care about. They care about me.
I care about them.
I care about you. I want you to do well at everything you try – but I also want it to be hard, and for you to learn something about yourself.

The surface-level will always be there. It needs to be, really – but I am finding that as much as I need to get below the surface level, people seem to really need to connect with me below the surface level, too. In a world full of hashtag-best-life posts, and so many people only showing their most picturesque vacations and culinary delights filtered through the instagram lens – it’s important to find and connect with the doers and the creators. After last year, I think we’re all screaming for it.

Now for the part you don’t care about (HA!): triathlon training.

This week’s training program has been a bit of reprieve, and well-timed. The bike, Swim, and run workouts have been at about half-capacity from last week and with life moving at it’s current pace, I couldn’t be happier about it. it gives me time to try and figure out how I’m going to pencil in next week’s utter punishment. PUNISHMENT I say.

The week has been exhausting and Christmas is coming. My band, Confusionaires just made arrangements with a new manager, and I’ve got some guitar gigs with an Elvis Tribute act I play with booking in the new year – both are wonderful opportunities, but as Thomas Edison is credited with saying: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work” – but… Edison was no Tesla.