I missed a post last week. Again. Second time in a few months. Third time since I started. Ultimately, I’m good with it.
I missed writing it altogether because I was engaged with real life. I spent time with people I love, and I made music and I entertained people. These are not just real life things, but they are also noble acts.
Truthfully, I used to look forward to writing these posts, but for longer than I care to consider, I’ve been setting reminders for myself to write an entry every week. Yes, I enjoy writing. And I enjoy writing these blog entries, specifically.B
But, I also enjoy engaging in real conversation with real people. I love being on tour. I love learning. I love; despite my propensity to avoid it, being spiritually and intellectually connected to other people. Especially other people who are searching for meaning.
I love experiencing the shit (retrospectively, anyway)… I certainly don’t seem to at the time, but I love fucked up paint on something I’m painting. I love sour notes but because they reinforce the structure of the song. I love death and birth and wedding vows and performance contracts and sketchy hotels and oil changes because of the potential for growth and success – BUT all that said: Life has dealt some shit hands this year. Sounds bonkers, but when I am under pressure, I am in the moment, and the moment is where I want to live.
Do I handle it as gracefully as I want to? Sheeee-it, no.
I shut down. Get quiet. Introspect. Suffer. Overthink. Self-destruct. And eventually, pull it together.
But I do a little better every time.
When I was younger, I was brave and I knew everything – and now I know that I don’t know anything except what I am scared of.
But I do hard things… And I am progressing. And when I am on a trajectory of growth, I am happy where I am.
I have enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose in my life.
So missing a post doesn’t bother me. Not anymore… Because it’s an indicator that I am engaged with life, with art, with knowledge finding, and with the universe.
As an aside, I’m also trying to avoid using my phone as a source of entertainment. I aim to create and engage more.
I’m good with it as a method of contact, and a learning device – more on that later, perhaps… But as an entertainment piece, I’m hoping to recoil… Probably not completely, but it’ll be a process.
I am building a thing, and I thought it would be ready by now, but it’s not. That’s ok… Because it’s real.
At any rate…
Will I continue to send dumb reels to my friends? Absolutely. But… perhaps with less frequency.
Will I be doing cool ass shit whenever possible? Count on it.
