Tag: better person

not my business

It’s time for another one of these…

I’m trying to get into the habit of posting one of these every few weeks, and at the risk of appearing too lazy to make a video AND a separate blog post… well.. if that appears lazy to you, then I guess you’ll have to take a look at your expectations of other people.

I write lots… mostly songs. So, here’s a look at one of those songs that my rock & roll band ‘The Confusionaires’ plays regularly.

I like to write songs about things… and when you play in a noisy rock & roll band, sometimes the subject matter gets suppressed by the energy.

Enjoy!

establishment

“Over 100 years ago, someone astutely said “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” That quote has been attributed to a great number of people throughout modern history and although some of them likely said it, they likely heard it elsewhere first.”

Over 100 years ago, someone astutely said “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” That quote has been attributed to a great number of people throughout modern history and although some of them likely said it, they likely heard it elsewhere first. It’s also been said that “Opportunity is often delivered in a fog of uncertainty” and while nobody seems to know where that came from either, both are true more often than not.

These days, as members of my inner circle try to build back trust through willpower and integrity, it’s not lost on me that if it’s trust they’re after, then it’s trust that must be issued.

When I was young & stupid, I attempted to hide a report card or two in an effort to delay the wrath of my parents. The result was poor, and I was ultimately told that I could no longer be trusted to do something as menial as take the trash out, let alone babysit a sibling or go to a movie – because who’s to say whether or not I was actually doing those things? I had broken a parent’s trust and when I inquired as to how I might repair the damage, I was told: “that’s up to you.”

I resented it then and I think it’s utter bullshit now.

I now find myself on the other side of that conversation with someone, I am compelled to furnish them with the opportunity to do better. We’ll start small, or course, but I’m past the point of feeling the need to punish this person and well into the territory of “loosening the leash” as it were. Without the opportunity to prove trust, how can more trust be gained?

As far as I can see, it can’t.

I fully understand that if I were to break the trust of my employer, I would be dismissed and replaced. That’s the real world, hard lessons that adults have to learn sometimes – except I am not this person’s employer. I want to see this person succeed and be a gracious human, and if I cannot be one, I can not expect anyone else to be one either.

Once that’s acknowledged, then a standard must be set, and it must be set by me, and I must be the example. Without the opportunity for redemption, there’s no purpose in carrying on… that’s why we check in on our people…

… even the ones who hurt us.

the gears

I’m at a point where someone who had my trust lost it, and wants it back. It’s a truly strange time of life, because typically when these things happen there are a lot of feelings involved, and a reluctance to want to put yourself in the line of fire a second time – but at this time in my life, and in my unique relationship with this person, I want to enthusiastically give that trust back.

There are a few reasons that this is different, but the primary reason I want to give the trust back is: service.

I’m in a position of leadership, and contrary to what most people think when they think of leadership, leading is a service and I want this person to know that holding back trust serves no one. I want to give them that and I want them to give it in the future, because when someone wrongs you or breaks your trust and is truly remorseful over it, that remorse is a greater teacher than I can ever be. There’s no need to “give ’em the gears” when they’ve given themselves the gears, it is not help for them, and it certainly does me no good to put someone through the rigors of gaining my satisfaction in their pain.

Forgiveness and sorrow are not what I thought they were. When I am sorry, it is because I have sorrow – and when I forgive, it’s not because I am satisfied with the level of atonement someone else has reached – I forgive so that the person asking forgiveness can let themselves off the hook for what they’ve done. I am telling them they can stop punishing themselves.

Now, I did not conclude this overnight.

These things do take time, and I’ll never say they don’t – but I will say that they shouldn’t take longer than necessary. We can too easily use guilt as leverage for control over one another, which becomes nefarious overtime. The last thing I want to be in anyone’s life is the villain, so I strive to be a positive entity – One who serves the situation and the person.

So when they are truly ready, I must also be ready.