I’m in the mountains, on a short trip with my rock & roll band, and although these shows have been booked for months, I find the timing to be ideal.
Life has sorta been a bit unrelenting for the last couple months. Some great, some not so great… Some awful.
From helping my kid out with some important projects, to graduation ceremonies, to my psychological assessment and the frustration around that, ADHD meds, extended family stuff, inclement / stressful weather patters, gigs, and Lu’s father passing, I have to say that my journey into nature and my only real concern being giving a great performance on stage, I have to say that being 5 hours (and counting) away from physically being able to do anything for anyone is welcome.
I’m not the only one who deserves this, but I imagine that having me out of the house is somewhat welcome, too – at least for a couple days.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I’m learning how to mourn my traumatic experiences. Sounds a little bit ‘out there’ but I’m willing to try. It starts with acknowledging it, which means making a list. I can’t imagine a more daunting elective task, but here I am… And my next session is Monday, so Sunday might be a bit of a challenge, emotionally.
So it goes.
Eventually, I will be able to set boundaries. I currently suck at that, and all I can think of is how upset people are going to be when they have limited access to me. I imagine retaliatory boundaries being placed in return, and possibly emotional outbursts – the thought of which are psyching me out.
I figure I have 2 modes… ‘indignant justice warrior’, where every hill is a hill worth dying on… and ’emotional absorbative material,’ where I let everything slide, but I don’t ACTUALLY let it slide so much as I pick it up and carry it around with me.
Apparently there’s a middle ground. Who knew?
In the meantime… I’m just enjoying this trip with my boys. As much as I want to get all these things taken care of, I have to live in this moment… And this moment, with is oat latte in this national park, with this band… It’s a pretty amazing moment.
The Conscious Pilgrim 