Tag: christmas

holidays

I try to be transparent in these posts – I really do – though I’m cognisant of the fact that; although I think or feel a certain way when I’m sitting at my computer with a coffee and a peaceful house around me, sometimes the follow-through of my namaste demeanor out in the real world is… let’s say… harder to spot in a crowd.

It’s that same contrast that allows us to identify that Christmas is the season of giving while simultaneously road-raging our way to-&-from the mall on a Saturday afternoon. So, in that way… It’s not even a thing I’m willing to apologize for… because we are a complex and messy race; we humans, and are worthy of a little grace and understanding.

But it’s in that very lack of apology that I must also allow people to be people… and generally speaking, people are panicky, stressed out, over-caffeinated, under-slept, hangry, and financially maxed out at the best of times, but December adds it’s own layer of chaos to the mix that tends to result in an additional element of ‘unpredictable.’

That’s fine.
All most people need is a little space, I think.
And a sandwich.

This phenomenon isn’t relegated to strangers. There’s a good chance that your friends and people in your family are behaving erratically as well – and after a recent observation, roughly 1/3 of people (an American statistic, but how different could Canada really be?) are estranged from their families or members thereof.

I think a lot of people are shocked when they hear a family member is estranged, but as someone who has put distance between myself and certain members of my family (in the past, for a good while) I can honestly say than any time I’ve heard that someone has chosen to do this, I’ve congratulated them on making an obviously very difficult decision to take care of themselves first. When an airplane loses cabin pressure and the oxygen masks drop, you are instructed to put your own mask on before assisting others, and don’t think this metaphor is out of place here.

There are also seasons to everything.
The end of my estrangement situation came with the death of a parent’s partner.

I guess what I’m taking the scenic route around to saying is that the holidays are just as hard as they are magical – and it’s okay for the holidays to be both hard and magical… so as we close in on the most hellacious part of the whole ordeal, I hope that whatever your Christmas or Christmas-adjacent plans might be, or where they might take you, that you find some peace, love, and hope.

I also hope; on a more personal level, that you choose to celebrate without harming any of our fellow earthlings – the ones who can’t speak up for themselves. Veganuary can start ANY TIME.

Happy whatever-you’re-into, everyone.

… the season

I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds this particular time of year exhausting. I’ve finished all my performance engagements for 2024 and I’ve got a month to sort out the festivities… but if we’re really looking at the calendar, I’ve got 2 weeks, and I’ve already attended a Christmas party a week ago now.

It flies by. We all know it flies by.

So as we make plans to gather with the people we haven’t seen in a while, and in the spirit of cold weather and too much food, and the social contract of ‘tradition’ under which we operate, we include people we don’t really want to spend time with. We spend as little time thinking about the people we’ve blocked and unfriended – both in real life and on the internet – no matter how ‘grinchy’ it makes us, as a mechanism of defence for our own mental health and well-being.

As I ponder the notion of defending our mental health and well-being through the holidays, I can’t help but think that the whole notion of this tradition is a bit of a detriment to most of us. The functions we host and/or attend can be quite magical in the moment, but we all know that as the hour draws ever nearer, the stress compounds and magnifies.

The house is never clean enough or decorated perfectly enough.
The timing of the food being ready all at the same time is paramount.
“Did you iron your shirt?”
“Is that what you’re wearing?”
“I hope so-&-so doesn’t start talking about x, y, and/or z”

I’m flashing back to my youth, praying to whoever was listening to send SOMEONE from our guest list to the house early – or even just on-time – so I could stop dusting the window sills or whatever seemingly senseless task I was assigned that ONLY gets done during the day on Christmas Eve.

The way most of these stresses are handled is by throwing whatever food regimen you follow out the window and washing down the associated guilt and stress with booze. We pour that shit in our coffee first thing in the morning… and we pour that shit in our egg nog with breakfast… until we somehow reach what we’ve deemed a socially acceptable time of day to stop hiding our coping mechanisms… and as much as Christmas is 1 single, solitary day, we actually lose our fucking MINDS from December 20th until January 1st, and most of us go broke doing it.

Being that I’m vegan and don’t drink at all anymore… I don’t have a pool in which to drown my sorrows, so I try to just not have any sorrows in the first place.

If you need to get off this train before it drives off the side of the mountain, consider this your permission. If you’re looking for a sign, I assure you it’s a stop sign.

The holidays weren’t meant to be this self destructive or poisonous. This is the season of giving, after all.

Personally – my family and I have been dialing back holiday commitments for years. My daughter has 2 extended families, my girlfriend has family, then there’s my family… so it’s a lot, especially for my daughter. We actually managed to get my entire family to meet for lunch at Boston Pizza a couple days before Christmas and call it good with just that! However last year, a family member decided that someone (other than their self) should host a proper meal. The only people that showed up was me, my girlfriend, and my daughter. Not even the person who decided this should happen showed up.

We’re back to keeping it simple this year.
Maybe more simple than ever.

I strongly encourage you to do what you can do… but if you need to draw the line, then draw it.

Happy Holidays.

living in the past: permission to reminisce

“It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.”

Permission to reminisce has been granted. This time of rich tradition seemingly falls on everyone, even those who have no traditional ties left. Even the folks who go sit in movie theatres on Christmas Day tend to do so in a religious fashion.

It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.

Thoughts often go to lost loved ones, lost pets, lost friendships, and general loss this time of year as we peruse old photo albums and trim Christmas trees with the antiquated knickknacks of yesteryear. Facebook memories tend to be an unforgiving mistress as well, but there’s a lot of joy to be had building those positive memories for the future as well.

I often have to remind myself to be patient with the people around me as I inevitably sort through old trauma, old habits, over-eating, and genuine irritation with large gatherings of people since introversion is not a thing I’ve been able to address as proactively as I’d like. Maybe I’m okay with being introverted even though this year might be special in regards to gatherings, since this holiday is likely to be charged with making up for the past 2 Christmases, too.

My ever-changing role as a father and co-head of a household in the midst of unfavorable weather is a little different every year. As I allow myself to think back on the past year I’ve really changed a lot – my relationship with my employer has changed as much as my relationship with my environment has – both for the better, I reckon. My relationship with money has changed, my relationship with my girlfriend and my child are ever-changing and evolving as we age and mature – all three of us.

I can’t be certain of what will happen this year because I could never have anticipated what would have happened in the past calendar year but I must greet every opportunity and challenge with open arms – not only for my own development, but because I have people counting on me to do so, and I have people watching my example. Those opportunities and challenges are coming regardless – why not welcome them? Besides, the fact that people are counting on me and watching me doesn’t add the type of pressure you might think it does – but I’ve learned that when you think nobody is watching, you’re wrong.

I digress. There’s a power that comes about in this season. A generational power that shows up and tells you where you came from – it can build an immense sense of authority over your future, or a sense of inadequacy – this is 100% based on your perspective, and my hope for you is that you run with it.

Whatever you’re doing and whatever you’re planning, I hope fortune finds you in this tumultuous-yet-magical time of year. Merry Christmas to all of y’all.

Training this week has been tough, mainly due to frigid temperatures and early mornings, but I brought my A-game. Monday morning was a punishing 90 minute workout consisting of 45 minutes of cycling and 45 minutes of chest & biceps work. Tuesday featured some at-home calisthenics, and after a dental procedure on Wednesday and a prescription for pain killers and antibiotics, the rest of the week became an impromptu rest time.

Next week is a little lighter by design. In the spirit of the season, we’ll be allowing for a bit of rest & recovery for a few days, but by Thursday we’ll be hitting it hard again.