Tag: go vegan

the hollywood version of not giving a fuck

I turned 44 earlier this week. The notion that I’m in better shape, both mentally and physically, than I was at 34 certainly takes the sting out birthdays.

I gotta say, now that we’re past the 1/3 mark of 2026, this year is absolutely wild. There are bonkers-level things happening all around me as I both prepare my child to be become a legal adult and am anticipating being an uncle (again) – I had assumed (and even posted about) the notion that I’d be settled in, riding shotgun for some massive life changes for the people around me.

… then I got a wild (to me, not surprising to many others) mental health diagnosis and decided to start an arts-based side business.

It’s certainly an interesting time in my life, as the combination of so many of the events of my life are coming into view with a much clearer focus than ever before at the very same time that so many of the artistic and business experiences are gathering under the same umbrella.

Every experience I’ve ever had has brought me here, whether significant or otherwise. Every show I’ve played, website I’ve launched, shirt I’ve ironed, dishwasher load I’ve put away, beer I drank, beer I said ‘no’ to… all of it was a step toward this exact moment in time. I feel alive.

I’m anticipating some test pressings from the new Confusionaires record pretty quick here. We haven’t announced anything about it other than teasers but given the 7 songs that are featured on it, I think the single we’ve chosen is atypical. In the past we’ve chosen catchy, short songs (as most of our songs have been catchy and short) but this time around we’ve chosen something with a little more franticness and urgency – it’s rock & roll, it’s got a country riff, and it feels like a surf song, and it’s about something. It doesn’t care what you think.

It’s called “Anything Happens All The Time” andit about how anything can happen on the road, and it does. I’m excited for you to hear it and I am not concerned with whether or not you like it. But I DO want you to buy a record. I’m not certain how release dates for this album will go because festival season is fast approaching now, and I really don’t have any interest in hosting a show at a time when nobody is around to come see it.

How’s that for complex?

I also don’t think we’re doing a video… not a formal one, anyway. Maybe a live one down the road but I the way we’ve been approaching this batch of songs is different than our previous records. We have some Alberta and B.C. dates through the summer.

Perhaps we’re older and wiser.
Perhaps we’re just older.
Maybe we don’t give a fuck anymore… Honestly I hope that’s the case, because that’s where bands always start doing their best work. I’ve essentially been waiting my entire life to stop giving a fuck what other people think.

I always thought I didn’t care what people thought… but it turns out I cared a lot about how I was perceived – and I wanted to be perceived as someone who didn’t care what you thought. I had the “Hollywood Version” of not giving a fuck… which is in the same realm as being “Hollywood Fat” which is not fat at all, just ‘less defined’ in the muscle department (like me!). It’s also similar to the “Hollywood Ending” wherein everything gets resolved, which is a laughable concept at 44 years old.

Life is not like that.
Life doesn’t have an instagram filter, and is certainly not AI generated.
Life is lived.
Life is weathered.
It’s complicated and it gets bloated, and has bad hair days and wears ugly sweaters unironically on occasion.
Life has mustard stains.

At any rate, this is my public journal entry for the week, in all entitled glory.

Some really cool things on the horizon, and I am doing my best to live in this moment, here & now, because I know I will never be here again. I will never stand in this river again because the river is always flowing and I am always changing, growing, and learning.

Much love.

coaxed out of my little world

It’s funny how a diagnosis for something you’ve had for your entire life without ever knowing it can change your perspective.

Before this blog took the shape of it’s current container, it was primarily based around my relationship with my environment, which is a pretty broad field that encompasses fitness, art, my dog, interactions with nature, food… but I started it when I started triathlon training – so a lot of fitness posting.

Anyway, I still do that. The difference is that when I am turning the volume of my headphones up, I realize that I’m not ONLY doing that because Rob Zombie makes some of the best treadmill-running music ever recorded (more on that below!), but also because I need to tune out the noise of everyone around me. The action has not changed, but the perspective has.

What has also most definitely NOT changed is how jarring it is when someone wants to talk to me.

So I’m in the locker room this past week, about to embark on some relentless sprinting drills when an old man comes out of absolutely NOWHERE and scares the shit out of me to eventually get around to saying “last time I was here I saw you ran for A WHOLE HOUR! I only do 20 minutes!” which was simultaneously mortifying knowing that people are watching me that closely, and flattering knowing that people are watching me that closely. I tried to say “well it’s time to go do it again” in a somewhat encouraging way – though it probably came out all monotone and dismissive.

At any rate, I came away more encouraged than embarrassed and I got to thinking about how when I started, I was fat. I couldn’t jog my slow ass to the end of the block without wheezing, let alone adhere to the first day of my “couch to 5k” plan I was following which involved 6 minutes of jogging followed by 1 minute of walking, 3 times over.

It made me glad that this little disarming man was able to coax me out of my little insular world and encourage me to keep pushing the limit.

The snow that’s falling on my house as I type this is upsetting. I got some brand new shoes delivered yesterday – Saucony Endorphin Pro 4’s that are being blown out as the 5’s are now available. I got a killer deal on them and it’s making me excited for spring… so the falling snow is really fuckin’ up my good vibe right now.

Also, I meant what I said when I said that Rob Zombie makes some of the best treadmill running music ever recorded. His new album “The Great Satan” harkens back to early Zombie days, and has some old collaborators on it as well.

As an aside, Rob Zombie reminds me of a lot of the self aggrandizing elements of rock & roll that are often disregarded. And by that I mean that in the tradition of Bon Scott and David Bowie, he takes on characters that demand that you refer to him as various things… including but not exclusively “The Devilman” “Sir Lord Acid Wolfman” “The Black Scorpion” “Tarantula” and “Rock ‘n’ Roller” (which has it’s own nod to Bowie, or rather Ziggy & The Spiders from Mars) and I find it all very endearing, personally. It’s all reminiscent of such rock & roll proclamations as AC/DC’s “I’m TNT” “I’m a rocker” and the cancel-culture-worthy “I’m the Night Prowler” or Iggy Pop’s “I am a passenger” or even Thin Lizzy’s “I am just a cowboy.”

I don’t plan to do a “best of 2026” album list at the end of the year but you can rest assured that this album would be on it if I did.

If you heard this album and hated it, consider giving it another spin while on a treadmill.

medicated

I’ve alluded to somethings that are going on in my life that I wasn’t quite prepared to talk about because I didn’t want to put the cart before the horse; so to speak, until I had an official diagnosis to lean on… and while the wheels are in motion as I am typing this, we’re still not quite there. But, I have enough to know that I am able to share.

I thought I’d know where to start, but I don’t… so I’ll just blurt it out and then backtrack, in true neurodivergent fashion.

I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), and the reason I am able to talk openly about it now is because my doctor (whom I am so very fortunate to have in this province), who DOES have the credentials to make a formal diagnosis has confirmed as much. My doctor has opted not to give me the diagnosis; however, because in order to get access to the best mental health care in the region, my diagnosis has to come from a psychiatrist – to which I have been referred.

Now, I know a lot about health and wellness. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you likely know that I dropped 166 lbs pre-covid and kept it off, and have a number of accomplishments under my belt. I’ve learned how to keep myself out of the high-risk zones, statistically speaking;and when prodded, can be a great resource to others. I train hard to this day and am in excellent physical condition for any age, let alone the age I am.

I’ve also given out some free advice about various types of medications… particularly hear meds, blood pressure meds, and the like because I am living proof that diet and exercise can keep you out of the ICU. I have very proudly been able to say that I am a 40-something year old man and I take ZERO medications. Until now.

Now, I am on medication for ADHD, and it’s been a trip, I must say.

First off, the thought that I could be misconstrued and give people the impression that I had something valid to say about ALL medications absolutely guts me. I very well may have given that impression (though I know I never spoke to brain-drugs directly in public) and if that’s the case, then I sincerely apologize. I’ve never considered myself the arbiter of mental health, so I’m certain I never said anything SPECIFICLY about brain meds… but again… if misconstrued, I apologize.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, I will say that my experience on these ADHD meds has been absolutely life changing. I can say that I’ve never been so present and in the moment (shy of being on-stage with my band) in my entire life. My workouts are better, my interactions with other people are better, I’m better at my job, and I believe my songwriting and performance of my instrument has improved with my enhanced focus and my ability to tune out distractions and just think about one thing a a time.

The only downside is that since my ADHD symptoms are more within my control than ever before – my Autism symptoms are on FULL display, and it’s been eye-opening to say the least. Obviously I’m functional, but there are heavy challenges, to be sure.

I’ll get more into that in the future. This post is long enough.

I’ll sign off by saying that I’m not looking for attention. If you know anything about ASD then you can be certain of that – but I’m happy to talk and share stories with people who are similarly afflicted or respectfully curious… but… y’know… through email is fine, lol…
… maaaybe don’t go runnin’ up to me when you see me at the mall or the hardware store with earplugs and sunglasses on and unload on me with stories.
… aaand as far as email goes… if you want to send me a big long email, please know that THOSE are hard to digest. Put the important parts in bold. Maybe use a few different colors.

Much love.

consistency

Spring is coming and I can feel it. I’ve done a very good job of staying consistent with training indoors through the summer months but I am very keen to get into the river valley and do some running and biking.

Before long I’ll have my summer tour schedule and I’ll know if & when I can race this summer. I might be too busy again this year but I guess we’ll see what shakes out. I do have a new album to promote and the summers are short and fraught with festivals in this part of the world.

I’ve been running between 45 and 60 minutes per day, 5 days per week – followed by a 30-45 minute weight session. Naturally that’ll have to change a bit once the snow melts and I’m back outside, but realistically it’ll be the May Long Weekend before I’m really digging into Edmonton’s river valley. It stays pretty cold and icy down there for a long time under the shade of all those trees, so realistically I have a quarter of the year to go before it really matters.

In the meantime… consistency is key. But progressive consistency…

My goals in the next few months are to extend my running intervals and shorten my walking intervals. Part of my desire to extend running intervals stems from a desire to get on the stationary bike more than I have been, as well as getting into the pool now for a bit before I find myself in the tattoo chair again, which pulls me out of the water for a while each time. With my weightlifting, I’m already going to failure on the final set of each exercise. The next step is progressive loading, which I am doing a bit of already as well.

I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself.

Often I will devise a new plan for the future, and then say “why wait” and dive into a new routine, but I’m really trying to ride this out so that when I do change, it’s an appropriate shock to my system. I aim to change my diet a bit once we’re into a season where food grows, as food that grows on trees and bushes is rather important when you’re vegan.

I’ve been learning that this fitness routine and priority is of great advantage to me in my newfound condition. Not that my condition is new, but the knowledge of it is rather new to me. I’ll be speaking on that more in the future, as I’m still just wrapping my head around it, but as it turns out – healthy diet and regular exercise remains very important for those who are fortunate enough to be able to do it.

Before you speculate on my condition, please know that I am happy to have it, as it’s part of who I am. The only thing new or startling about it is that I wasn’t aware of it before, but at this stage of my life where I’m implemented so much positive change, I’m ready to take on this new thing in a positive light. It’s certainly not as scary as it would have been 10 years ago.

… only a little scary.
More on that later.

Thanks for reading.

holidays

I try to be transparent in these posts – I really do – though I’m cognisant of the fact that; although I think or feel a certain way when I’m sitting at my computer with a coffee and a peaceful house around me, sometimes the follow-through of my namaste demeanor out in the real world is… let’s say… harder to spot in a crowd.

It’s that same contrast that allows us to identify that Christmas is the season of giving while simultaneously road-raging our way to-&-from the mall on a Saturday afternoon. So, in that way… It’s not even a thing I’m willing to apologize for… because we are a complex and messy race; we humans, and are worthy of a little grace and understanding.

But it’s in that very lack of apology that I must also allow people to be people… and generally speaking, people are panicky, stressed out, over-caffeinated, under-slept, hangry, and financially maxed out at the best of times, but December adds it’s own layer of chaos to the mix that tends to result in an additional element of ‘unpredictable.’

That’s fine.
All most people need is a little space, I think.
And a sandwich.

This phenomenon isn’t relegated to strangers. There’s a good chance that your friends and people in your family are behaving erratically as well – and after a recent observation, roughly 1/3 of people (an American statistic, but how different could Canada really be?) are estranged from their families or members thereof.

I think a lot of people are shocked when they hear a family member is estranged, but as someone who has put distance between myself and certain members of my family (in the past, for a good while) I can honestly say than any time I’ve heard that someone has chosen to do this, I’ve congratulated them on making an obviously very difficult decision to take care of themselves first. When an airplane loses cabin pressure and the oxygen masks drop, you are instructed to put your own mask on before assisting others, and don’t think this metaphor is out of place here.

There are also seasons to everything.
The end of my estrangement situation came with the death of a parent’s partner.

I guess what I’m taking the scenic route around to saying is that the holidays are just as hard as they are magical – and it’s okay for the holidays to be both hard and magical… so as we close in on the most hellacious part of the whole ordeal, I hope that whatever your Christmas or Christmas-adjacent plans might be, or where they might take you, that you find some peace, love, and hope.

I also hope; on a more personal level, that you choose to celebrate without harming any of our fellow earthlings – the ones who can’t speak up for themselves. Veganuary can start ANY TIME.

Happy whatever-you’re-into, everyone.

the end of the year

It’s coming up quick… resolution time.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you know I couldn’t care less about resolutions, particularly around the new year. I’m a firm believer that the new year starts when you make a change in your life, not the other way around.

I became vegan on March 28, 2000. That was the start of a New Year.
I started working for the company I work for in September of 2011. New Year.
I started training for a triathlon in September of 2021. New Year.

Usually for me, it’s in September or October – which; as I type this, I realize I missed the anniversary of me starting this blog. I guess I’ve been too focused on making the changes I’ve wanted to make to stop and look around at what I’ve accomplished. And… that’s okay… it’s okay that I missed it, and it’s okay that my focus was elsewhere.

I do what I can to stay in the present moment… just like my dog.
He’s a constant reminder of the present moment.
He’s hungry when he’s hungry, he wants to play when he wants to play… not a moment before or after. When we’re walking and I have to pry chicken bones out of his mouth, he’s mad at me in the moment – but a moment later, he’s over it, and he reminds me of this, because I am still pissed off about it moments later, and he’s very irritatingly past it. I strive for this.

However, when I’m making plans for the future, and celebrating the past, I’m not in the moment. I’m living in the future or the past – but rarely the present.

That’s what I want.
More and More, I want that.
But I’m staring at my phone too much.

I actually make my living in nostalgia, both in my day job and in my art… but when I’m playing LIVE, or in the throes of MAKING a record (which I am currently involved in) I am IN the moment and it’s amazing.

And as I typed all that, I was in the moment.
That’s why it was a bit of a tangent.

Anyway… nostalgia is okay.
The past and future are okay.
There’s no shame in thinking about those things, I guess.
We’re geared to think about those things.
But to be truly in the moment is magic.

Not staring at my phone.
Not thinking about how long I have to wait until the snow melts.
Not thinking about New Year’s resolutions.

In the here and now.
And right here, right now, it’s Saturday Morning.
Isn’t that amazing?

getting it

At this point, I have a number of daily practices. I’m a bit of a creature of habit when I’m home, partly because when I’m not home, I need to adapt. This is fine, and I have no problem doing it because it’s part of a greater plan, but when I am home, I keep it pretty rigid.

I was recently reflecting on the pandemic times with someone, and was reminded of the practices I had in place that have gone by the wayside, though many are still in place after several years. Then I began to reflect on all the podcast episodes and audiobooks I’ve digested since then.

I’ve really dug into philosophy and self-betterment over the past 5 years as a vegan, and longer, actually, as I was already on my spiritual journey when I came to veganism (though that was a big turning point). The rub is that once these things became part of my modus operandi, I didn’t have to focus on them specifically anymore.

I don’t have to think about stoicism because I’ve adopted it.
I don’t have to think about veganism because I’ve adopted it.
I don’t have to think about not drinking alcohol because I’ve adopted it.
I don’t have to think about endurance training or weightlifting because I’ve adopted it… they are a part of what I do. I do not thinkk about the merits of doing or not doing any of these things because the decision has been made a long time ago to do them.

It’s easy to think about the morning journaling and evening yoga practices that fizzled out after the pandemic, when demands on my personal time resumed, but it’s somehow less easy to think about the practices I have that stayed with me because they’ve just become part of what I do. Even so – as I type this and mourn my lost evening yoga practice, I suddenly remember that a Yoga Nidra practice gets me to sleep every night.

I also have to trust myself – something I’ve struggled to do for years, because I was not trustworthy for a long time. I couldn’t be trusted in a room alone with a box of donuts not that long ago, so this trust has come slowly, but at the base of my being I can always trust that I am doing my very best. I know that, because we are all doing our very best. So now I must trust that since I have tried all of these practices and some stuck while others didn’t, that the ones that didn’t just weren’t for me.

That is to say, just because someone wrote a book about daily journaling doesn’t mean that I have to journal daily. I journal weekly… and you’re reading that journal now! I also write songs with both frequency and urgency… so to say my writing practice has fallen away isn’t a fair assessment, either.

At any rate… this recent reflective time has shown me that; although there are miles to go before am finished, I am getting it. There are always things to try and things to stop trying… but I have to trust myself to hold on to the important stuff and filter out the suggestions that don’t mean so much to me.

I’m getting it.

The irony of this post is that despite trying my very best, I somehow managed to overlook the fact that last week, I didn’t manage to get anything posted. It was going to be a songwriting featurette but I just didn’t get it done in time.

So for the first time in 3 years… I missed the mark. Ahh, well.