Tag: lessons

the hollywood version of not giving a fuck

I turned 44 earlier this week. The notion that I’m in better shape, both mentally and physically, than I was at 34 certainly takes the sting out birthdays.

I gotta say, now that we’re past the 1/3 mark of 2026, this year is absolutely wild. There are bonkers-level things happening all around me as I both prepare my child to be become a legal adult and am anticipating being an uncle (again) – I had assumed (and even posted about) the notion that I’d be settled in, riding shotgun for some massive life changes for the people around me.

… then I got a wild (to me, not surprising to many others) mental health diagnosis and decided to start an arts-based side business.

It’s certainly an interesting time in my life, as the combination of so many of the events of my life are coming into view with a much clearer focus than ever before at the very same time that so many of the artistic and business experiences are gathering under the same umbrella.

Every experience I’ve ever had has brought me here, whether significant or otherwise. Every show I’ve played, website I’ve launched, shirt I’ve ironed, dishwasher load I’ve put away, beer I drank, beer I said ‘no’ to… all of it was a step toward this exact moment in time. I feel alive.

I’m anticipating some test pressings from the new Confusionaires record pretty quick here. We haven’t announced anything about it other than teasers but given the 7 songs that are featured on it, I think the single we’ve chosen is atypical. In the past we’ve chosen catchy, short songs (as most of our songs have been catchy and short) but this time around we’ve chosen something with a little more franticness and urgency – it’s rock & roll, it’s got a country riff, and it feels like a surf song, and it’s about something. It doesn’t care what you think.

It’s called “Anything Happens All The Time” andit about how anything can happen on the road, and it does. I’m excited for you to hear it and I am not concerned with whether or not you like it. But I DO want you to buy a record. I’m not certain how release dates for this album will go because festival season is fast approaching now, and I really don’t have any interest in hosting a show at a time when nobody is around to come see it.

How’s that for complex?

I also don’t think we’re doing a video… not a formal one, anyway. Maybe a live one down the road but I the way we’ve been approaching this batch of songs is different than our previous records. We have some Alberta and B.C. dates through the summer.

Perhaps we’re older and wiser.
Perhaps we’re just older.
Maybe we don’t give a fuck anymore… Honestly I hope that’s the case, because that’s where bands always start doing their best work. I’ve essentially been waiting my entire life to stop giving a fuck what other people think.

I always thought I didn’t care what people thought… but it turns out I cared a lot about how I was perceived – and I wanted to be perceived as someone who didn’t care what you thought. I had the “Hollywood Version” of not giving a fuck… which is in the same realm as being “Hollywood Fat” which is not fat at all, just ‘less defined’ in the muscle department (like me!). It’s also similar to the “Hollywood Ending” wherein everything gets resolved, which is a laughable concept at 44 years old.

Life is not like that.
Life doesn’t have an instagram filter, and is certainly not AI generated.
Life is lived.
Life is weathered.
It’s complicated and it gets bloated, and has bad hair days and wears ugly sweaters unironically on occasion.
Life has mustard stains.

At any rate, this is my public journal entry for the week, in all entitled glory.

Some really cool things on the horizon, and I am doing my best to live in this moment, here & now, because I know I will never be here again. I will never stand in this river again because the river is always flowing and I am always changing, growing, and learning.

Much love.

Sisyphus

In times such as these, with high inflation, increasing job turnover, general discontentment with wages, a mental health crisis, and all of the woes that come with the changing times, I feel like I hear the comparisons to Sisyphus’ plight – rolling the boulder uphill for eternity – all the time.

In the moment, that might seem relatable, but there are a few things to know about Sisyphus before making that comparison. As all stories of ancient Greece and the gods, there is justice being doled out in every story, so before we go tying ourselves to the plight of a character, we should take note of one thing:

Sisyphus was an asshole. A smooth-talking and outwardly polite asshole by all accounts, but an asshole nonetheless.

The first king of Ephyra; the region now known as Corinth, was an evil king who killed visitors to his land as a show of strength, which was a violation of the tradition of hospitality as laid out by the gods. He conned his way out of death – twice – including sweet-talking his way out of the underworld with a promise he’d never intended to keep. So upon his 3rd encounter with the underworld, was given the option to submit to death and live in the underworld, or take the opportunity to leave once again and live forever – IF he could roll the boulder up the track and push it out of the underworld.

… so there he is, gradually going mad, having given his boulder a name and speaking to it like it was his confidant and friend.

That latter part could maybe be compared to the concept of the ‘work family’ depending on your work place, I guess – as with the concept that Sisyphus is working towards total freedom as many of us are working toward retirement… but at the core of the story is an absolutely terrible person who placed himself, through his own deeds, in a terrible position…

… and I may or may not know you… but I don’t think that’s you.