Tag: improvement

reasonable being

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life, as we all do, erring on the side of what is reasonable. Within reason. What can be reasoned with. And as much as I would consider myself to be a reasonable person, I’m not so sure that ‘being reasonable’ is something to strive for so much as it is a basic expectation. We’re all familiar with the turn of phrase “be reasonable” when attempting to quell an emotional situation because it is understood that a more moderate response to any situation implies a readiness to compromise, or in many cases, act professionally.

So allow me if I may, to substitute a less flattering synonym – the kind of thing that might be lost in a reasonable scenario, and gauge response: Lukewarm.

“I’m going to need you to be a little more lukewarm” and “You’re coming in hot, and I need you to tone it down to a lukewarm level” don’t inspire the same agreeable nature – as a matter of fact, in conversation, you might just as well try to halt an argument by piping up with “I’m going to need you to stop giving a shit” and see how the rest of the conversation goes.

Okay – now to leave figurative and broad-stroke notions behind… this is not a one-size-fits-all conversational response, of course. As I read the above statements I feel myself going from an advocate for ‘being reasonable’ to the other end of the spectrum, cheering on the (here, fictitious) impassioned underdog because in many, many cases, rational thought is the enemy.

Passion. That is what we want in our lives, and that is what makes life worth living. Pursuit of goals, both tangible and intangible, is the stuff of a life well-lived and if I’m being brutally honest with the man in the mirror (and in spite of my own chill demeanor with most things) being reasonable in times of high emotion is a disservice.

Should I have reasonable goals for my artistic expression, or should I push the limits of that expression to new heights and new realms? Should a theatre experience or a musical performance leave you feeling content and unmoved?
Is the sky the limit, or is the limit the sky?

This is not intended to be a criticism of the moderately successful or the passively motivated so much as it is a critique of self, and the lukewarm nature with which I’ve treated myself and my aspirations. The truth is that when I look deep inside, I have unreasonable and unsustainable desires and the sick & sad truth of it is that upon talking myself down – talking myself into being reasonable – I developed my very own coping mechanisms and distractions in order to keep myself in line, I developed unreasonable and unsustainable means of suppression of myself, by way of periodic and problematic alcohol and substance abuse, and and a highly transferable addiction to binge eating.

As much as I’ve been dealing with my problems head-on for the past few years, it’s at this point that I have no issue stating publicly that I have only begun to scratch the surface, and that the answer I am slowly brushing the debris away from is completely impassioned and unreasonable. I understand now that I am a creator, made in the image of the creator, and that I am NOT the most powerful being in my first-person-narrative of life experience…

… because to say that I am the main character in my story, just as you are in yours… and to say that there is no greater force than me, but to also know that I cannot control myself around a bottle of bourbon, or a box of donuts – then I must also acknowledge that the greatest force in the world is that bottle of bourbon, or that box of donuts, and that I am at best, 2nd place.

It’s clear then; that I must be humbled.
Humbled in the presence of donuts and whiskey, and anything of greater power than these things.
But I can be humbled and impassioned. I can be humbled and have unreasonable goals of self love, unreasonable goals of recovery, and unreasonable goals of reaching as many people as I can with my music, my art, and my writing.

So as much as I will be “be reasonable” when the occasion suits it… I hope to transcend the idea of a “reasonable being.”

meditation

I’ve had a meditation practice in play for a couple years – however at times it’s felt haphazard to a point that I might have called it a seasonal practice at some point, because with the advent of long runs (meditative as they can be) a few things took a back seat to a few extra minutes of running time. This practice for me has regained it’s priority status as of late and it’s made a significant impact on my life.

When the snow so abruptly arrived to the Edmonton area, I attempted to regain my morning routine from the previous winter – but with an aim to improve. A few changes in my schedule made this difficult, but I do aspire to maintain it even when it feels like I’m running to catch up to it.

Anyway… It just so happens that a popular podcaster and well-known scientist, Andrew Huberman, compiled some data and spit if out in (mostly) a language I can understand. That episode is right here and I recommend it.

I’m in no way affiliated with Andrew Huberman,
but he does some excellent deep-dives into some great topics…
some of which I just can’t ignore.

A few things that resonated with me include the difference & merits of interoception vs exteroception which is the difference between focusing inward (your heart beat, third eye, breathing, etc.) or focusing on something external (the horizon or any other singular object). He mentions that in order to get the full benefits of meditation, your practice can be as little as a few minutes per day – BUT that whether your focus is internal or external might be determined by the situation.

For me; a person who spends a lot of time in his own head, I’d likely benefit more from focusing on something outside of my body, like an object in the room. This is because focusing inward is not much of a challenge, and I’m less likely to hone my meditative skill. However, when I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of commotion, such as when I’m sitting in a food court in the busiest mall in the city, introspection will help me center myself, as opposed to focusing on the commotion that is causing me to be overwhelmed.

The other thing – and it’s a big one – is the issue of distraction. He outlines that distraction is a given. In fact, that’s how the practice is strengthened – by course-correcting your thoughts back to your singular focus, and away from your work day or how hungry you are, etc.

Champion level meditators are not free of distraction. In fact, they become so adept at redirecting their attention back to their meditative practice from the myriad of distractions around us all the time that they seldom even register the shift. Essentially, what may seem like tuning out the outside world completely is the opposite, because the most experienced meditators are actually MORE aware of their surroundings than those of us who feel easily distracted.

In fact, if we shift our attention to the location of our ‘third eye’ (which is behind the front of our forehead) we’re bound to have random thoughts and emotions creep in, because that is the part of the brain responsible for perception – so to focus that part of the brain on itself is to remove all physical distraction, thereby opening the pathway from emotions, feelings, and thoughts to enter our minds and THUS providing us with something to shift our meditative focus away from – which; again, strengthens our practice.

It’s pretty heady stuff, and I’m not sure I’m doing it justice in my laymen explanations, honestly – but I did feel a massive boost in confidence in regards to my meditative practice, and I’m optimistic that you will as well if you throw a couple hours at this video. This is big particularly in this time of the year when there’s so much focus on improving ourselves.

It’s also bound to help those of us fighting off seasonal depression this time of year.

Training is seeing some changes. I’m opting for – you guessed it – more endurance time. This is not because I need more frequency, but because I need more long sessions with an elevated heartrate, so I know go for 80-90 minutes in Zone 2 on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, with a 45 minute session on Friday. Weightlifting happens on Tuesday and Friday and rest days are Wednesday and Sunday.

These changes are always punishing in their infancy, but well warranted in the end. I know I have a few months before I can be back outside with any regularity but I don’t want to skip a beat when that day comes. I’m anticipating a fairly busy year, travel-wise and I look forward to it, but it will bring it’s workout-related challenges. I look forward to mastering this, as well. THAT SAID – if you’re reading this and you’re in the Grande Prairie area, consider swinging by the great northern casino to see Robin Kelly’s Elvis tribute act. I’ll be playing guitar for that.

I also have some pretty lofty goals this year… physically, artistically, and financially. One day at a time.

new realism

I recently had my mind blown open after following up on a book recommendation from a like-minded friend. The book is called “HumanKind” and it was written in Dutch by Rutger Bregman, who; after watching a few interviews, I’ve determined is the real deal.

I don’t often furnish myself with the time to sit and read, so audiobooks tend to be my preferred medium, but in any format this particular book challenges the idea of ‘realism’ or ‘being a realist’ – a label I’ve donned myself with many times in my life, by calling what it really is – fatalism. His book pokes holes in ‘veneer theory’ and the prison system, various social structures and regimes, and provides a balanced look at the world we live in now; which it may be surprising to learn, is one of the most peaceful and friendly periods of our short history on this planet we’ve ever known.

The true ‘realism’ is that things are ultimately good, or at least more good than bad, and that the realistic outlook is bleak more often than not. A realistic viewpoint after accounting for the statistics, is pretty optimistic.

In truth, both statistically and as a personal observation, it’s not hard to see that of the several billion cohabitants of this planet, the vast majority of us are doing our best to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, and that we are not inherently selfish or self-sabotaging so much as we are naturally social and communal in our day to day lives – and the broadcast news and viral editorial columns that are designed to grab our attention are actually the exception, not the rule. That’s what makes them interesting. Though as someone who’s spent some time mainlining cable news through the majority of the COVID-19 pandemic, I can see very plainly how someone might get the idea that the whole world is like that, when it’s really not.

The thought that’s forefront in my brain today is the idea that when an onlooker sees someone doing something good; giving money to a panhandler for example, that it would be easy to denigrate them by saying they were giving for selfish reasons. However, numerous studies have been done on such things, the results of which are irrelevant because in the end: doing good things feels good. Of course there’s ‘something in it’ for the one giving, just as there is for the recipient and to cheapen the experience by being critical of the deed, or even just the time & place of the deed, is counterproductive, and ultimately anti-human.

If every time you held the door for someone at the mall, you felt some abdominal pain or dizziness, it wouldn’t take long before the world became a much darker and less welcoming place than it is.

So why question the motivation if the result is good? I’m not saying we should be broadcasting and virtue signaling with our good deeds all over social media, but we should not hesitate to engage in the human experience, which includes acts of service, community, and love.

Training this week has been good – it’s been nice to get back at it in a serious way. At this point; for me, I am not interested in any wasted effort. When I got to the gym, I’m there for a solid 90 minutes (or more, on occasion) and the goal is complete decimation of the muscles. I leave there with nothing left in the tank as a general rule, and I’ve found it to be infinitely rewarding.

Monday and Friday were both a 45 minute ride and a 45 minute weight workout. Thursday was 45 minutes on the bike and a 25 minute run. I had slightly less time than anticipated but I still got my thing done, and Saturday‘s brick was a 60 minute ride and a 15 minute run. Tuesday has become an at-home floor/core workout that really doesn’t take much time, but I often don’t get to that muscle group on any of the other days, so Tuesday becomes an overflow day.

It sounds great to say you ‘left nothing in the tank’ after a workout, but it’s another thing to really do it. In a few short months we’ll be back outside – but until then, this is what we’re doing and we’re loving the effort.