Tag: struggle

pursuits

I like to do hard things. Hard things have historically included feats of endurance, like an olympic length triathlon course or a half-marathon, and while those things are obviously still hard, this has been a different kind of summer.

The fitness portion of my life, although still in existence, has felt a bit directionless lately. I’ve been struggling to allow myself to rest. Not only rest, but to enjoy things that stretch me as a person beyond normal rigors of endurance sport. My brain has been stretched and bowed by a new role at work, and by problem-solving with my hobby-car, among other self analysis and mental exercise including my propensity to snack like the binge-eating addict I am, and the culmination has truly been exhausting. Add some indecision of what physical activity to double-down on, and a later-than-it-should-be bed time resulting in an over-used snooze button… but again, I’ve been struggling to let myself off the hook as far as fitness goes.

I still track calories and macros, and I get out and run, and lift weights, and have developed a bit of an interest in Ashtanga – but not with my usual “nailed to the training program 6 days a week” fervor that I typically adopt. I’m trying to find a way to be okay with this… but there’s a part of me that feels I’m not doing enough.

I know there are seasons to life, and this season right now is the off-season for me. I’m entertaining the idea of signing up for a race in the fall, and I can’t decide if it’s pride or discipline that’s preventing me from doing any less than a half marathon. My challenge is more about whether or not I have enough training weeks between now and then, and less about willpower.

If I sign up, I’ll do it – and I will finish, pain or not.

It’s really easy to say things like “there are seasons to life” when you’re training regularly and killing it. It’s not so easy to say that when your focus is split between other passions. I know what I need, and it’s a regular (hard) training schedule that I can indenture myself to – but I also need this rest, and I need the mental challenges I’m facing.

The only thing I really know, is that I must remain present – in the moment.
That’s the true balance – being 100% present.

And if I’m being honest with myself… I am present.

And presently… it’s time to go for a run.

gratitude for the struggle

“What if everything was like meditation? We don’t approach meditation with the furious intensity that we take on every other task, but we still tend to acknowledge it’s importance (assuming we have a practice). We don’t say “I AM GOING TO MEDITATE SO HARD RIGHT NOW” beat our chests and stomp around like so many heavy-lifting gym primates.”

We’ve all heard the expression at one inopportune time or another: “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” I’ve lived by this for a long time, and without self-aggrandizing, I can say with honesty and humility that I have accomplished a lot.

Further to the point, I can say that with my body type and propensity to overeat; or worse, binge-eat, that if I am having an off day, or a rough few days wherein my portion control is whack and I’m feeling undisciplined in my workouts – I can see it in the mirror. When I was obese, this was a curse – but now, it’s a blessing.

But I got slapped with a crazy concept recently.

Instead of constantly pining away at something, and “trying hard or “digging in” or putting in “sweat equity” or any of the other buzz-word approaches to putting ourselves through the gauntlet… what if it was easy?

What if everything was like meditation? We don’t approach meditation with the furious intensity that we take on every other task, but we still tend to acknowledge it’s importance (assuming we have a practice). We don’t say “I AM GOING TO MEDITATE SO HARD RIGHT NOW” beat our chests and stomp around like so many heavy-lifting gym primates. What is stopping us from dropping in and enjoying the process?

This harkens back to some of last year’s posts about the child-like state – that unapologetic exploring, playing, enjoying. As I think back now of being a kid with a bmx bike, when it didn’t matter how much money I had on me, and it didn’t matter how much time I had before it was time to go in for dinner.

What if it was easy?
What if we just did the thing?