Davey

removing the toxins

There’s a pretty good chance you have toxic people in your life. People don’t talk about it much unless it’s particularly bad, but it’s one of a few unanimously shared struggles we have as social creatures. For some of us, we ARE toxic. Most toxic people don’t know it’s them; as after all, we are the protagonist in our own stories.

I’m not sure who gets to decide who’s toxic and who’s not.
The short answer is… I guess I get to. I am; after all, the protagonist in my story.
It doesn’t matter, I guess.

I’m not sure if it was just my experience, but for a while there, the ‘self-help memes’ (if there are such a thing) seemed to bring up thoughts of ‘removing toxic people from your life’ with notes of ‘you don’t need that kind of negativity’ which seemed to coincide with discussions of politics on the Evening News. I could be alone in my observation, or even misremembering – but I’m certain that a very select group of people were encouraging people to hold up the mirror and address our own toxic traits. It’s quite likely that sharing those memes is a toxic trait… I mean, those posts when shared are definitely FOR someone, and if that’s the case then it’s certainly passive-aggressive.

Okay, I’ll cut the shit and get to the point.

I have a particularly toxic person in my family. This person is a drug addict who is active in their addiction, she’s partnered with an addict who is active in his addiction, and she’s a blood relative, whom I’ve removed from my life in all the ways that make sense. If an emergency were to happen, I’d find out about it through familial channels… but that’s it. The holidays were spent without interaction with this person, and although people will ask me how she’s doing, I have no idea and no inclination to find out due to REAL events that actually happened this year.

Maybe I’m the toxic one? Nah… at best, I’m ‘also toxic’ but I doubt that’s the case. Anyway…

As an aside: I don’t hate addicts… I am one. I don’t think we should take away their rights, or lock them up, or deny them safe injection sites. I don’t think they’re a pariah – but I will say there are 2 very distinct ways of talking about these issues: (1) the ‘addicts are people, too’ approach that supports the idea of social services and counseling being made available, and (2) the ‘I live in an area fraught with drug problems, and my livelihood / personal safety / personal property are negatively affected by the presence of these people’ … and I’m happy to say that, YES, you can feel both ways at the same time. I regularly do. That’s a more nuanced conversation for another day, methinks.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m a toxic person, but I’m certain that I have toxic traits. My intolerance and lack of patience for this toxic person that I have ostensibly removed from my life is probably a toxic trait, but I’m willing to contend with that in favor of not allowing outside bullshit forces to permeate the sanctity of my home.

So as I type this up with one of my favorite jazz records serenading me in the background – The Sidewinder, by Lee Morgan, a man who was shot to death by his common law wife in 1972… which is an indicator that he probably had a couple toxic traits of his own.

We’re all out here doing our best.

Maybe contending with all of this is just what being a grown up is.
I guess I’m a fucking grown up.

ALSO: I was recently interviewed as a guest on a new podcast called Pillars of Creation. It was an honour and a really fun conversation. Giving them a like & a follow on their socials is worth it, I assure you. Check my conversation below.

artisan work

I love to create. I think in my heart of hearts I’m a performer first, but my creativity switch is stuck in the ‘on’ position pretty much all the time. We’ll call it a 52/48 split in favor of performing – but I find that the two go hand-in-hand so well and one rarely happens without the other.

Artistically… my band is recording right now. There are obviously huge elements of orchestration and composition that go along with that, but at the same time when the red button is pushed, and the light goes on, we are capturing a performance – and ideally it’s a well curated, well executed performance of an artistic work.

It’s truly my favorite.

Recording is pretty much the only time a band can truly sound the way they were meant to sound in their heads. Any other time, you’re at the mercy of a sound tech who has probably never heard you before. The performance is etched in time, and it starts a new chapter of life for the band – unfortunately for some, it’s the last chapter – but for us, it’s just the next phase.

The live performance is special in that it as much as it happens with frequency, it also only happens once. The subtle nuances that happen from night to night are different, and in that way it’s never quite the same. Between any 2 shows can be a long drive or a short one, a shitty meal or an amazing one, a heated phone call or a happy one, a great sleep or a bad one… no two shows are quite the same and in those differences is artistic variance. It’s what makes it magical… and the goal is to be consistently great, even within those variances.

Both performing and creating are crucial… and it’s prompted the title of this post: “artisan work”

It’s an amazing amount of work to get to this point, but it’s also not work at all. It’s also work that not everyone can do… but it’s not always difficult.

It’s at times like these that excitement sets in, imagining the possibility of what can happen with this recording, and how many live performances will result from it’s release. But before we think too far ahead, we have to acknowledge that we are here in this moment, and that thinking too far ahead doesn’t serve us right now. We have to make important decisions now…

… and the future will have to wait.

ALSO: I was recently interviewed on a new podcast called Pillars of Creation. It was an honour and a really fun conversation. Giving them a like & a follow on their socials is worth it, I assure you. Check my conversation below.

back on the train

The holidays have been over for a bit now, and despite resolutions to the contrary, many of us are having trouble regaining that momentum we had before Santa showed up and showed us how to behave like a sloth. Or something.

No matter how many Christmases come & go, I always tell myself throughout the month of December that “it’s only one day… it doesn’t have to be a whole week… or more…” as though I was chanting some meditative mantra for the 24 days leading up to the main event, and every year it’s more than one day.

Now; don’t get me wrong. My version of excess now is a far cry from what it used to be… creeping up on Christmas worrying that I may be eating too many mandarin oranges, and eventually feeling some sense of guilt over a sugary donut, a few shortbread cookies and a non-alcoholic porter or session ale between nutrient-dense high-protein vegan meals, while missing 2 or 3 gym days in a row – primarily because of the gym’s holiday hours. Once upon a time I was in excess of 300 lbs, and a moment spent sober enough to drive was a moment completely lost to the fates… and there wasn’t enough blue cheese and liver pate on God’s green earth to satisfy my food lust.

But no…
My self-discipline doesn’t take a holiday.
Not this year.

This year I balance my athletic vigilance with being social and personable, and enjoying good food and good company. There is no weight I can put on that I cannot also burn off, and I am not trapped here so much as I have chosen to be here and I have chosen to partake in the celebrations in a way that aligns with my values now.

But even that is in the past now.

I have to live now, in THIS moment and in THIS moment I am training.
For what?
For life. I am training to be a strong old man, and a competent singer and guitar player well into my twilight years. I’ve run a half marathon, and done a triathlon course. I aim to do some aggressive mountain biking once the ground thaws, and I want to enjoy my time on this planet.

So I won’t worry too much about what 2025 has in store, as it’s a stepping stone to the next year – but I am here, now, in this moment… in 2025, so I will make the most of it, and prepare myself for what is next… whatever that is.

rituals

I think a lot about traditions. I suppose I am a fairly traditional person, not only in my old-school proclivities when it comes to music, cars, tattoos, and the like, but I think my values are fairly traditional as well – especially for how left-leaning I tend to be in my ideologies. I’m an adult, caucasian male with a child, a partner, a dog, a house… the bird’s eye view of my life is that it’s pretty normal, and I’m fully aware and supportive of less normal methods.

I’m sure a lot for people see the word ‘traditional’ and think about ‘conservative family values’ and things of that nature – but the truth is that conservative politicians use words like ‘traditional’ to blur the lines and appeal to centrists, and present a set of values that are hard to argue against… because we ALL have traditions.

The other ‘traditions’ that come to mind are essentially social contracts. They tend to involve multiple people, a certain type of meal (typically a dead animal – gross), and excessive drinking (also gross), and some sort of dessert (awesome). Traditions like these tend to bring about a lot of stress, too. We take part in these things despite the fact that they (a) take a lot out of us, and (b) tend to make us feel shitty afterwards… but here we are celebrating everything from the birth of Christ to the birth of the nation by living in excess.

When we take away all the ugly and sentimental parts of tradition, we’re left with something special – the ritual.

Rituals can be anything, but are always private and tend to be both personal, and for self-betterment. This can be anything from Kundalini yoga to the application of your eyeliner. My entire morning can be accounted for as a ritual from the time I wake up, to the method by which I prepare my morning oatmeal, to the order my workout happens, to the time and manner in which I arrive to work. Not all of it is spent alone, but all of it is personal.

In short: ritual = good, social contract = meh

So as I reflect back on the most traditional time of the year. To quote Bart Simpson, “Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ” and while that’s a humorous statement, we certainly have social contracts being thrown at us from all sides no matter how we were brought up. I won’t go so far as to say I hate Christmas, but I will say that (a) as a vegan, it’s an atrocity, (b) as a workin’ stiff, it’s a financial drain, and (c) as an introvert, it’s incredibly draining. If it wasn’t for a bit of magic in the air, and the fact that I am a father, I might withdraw from it completely – and honestly, as I age (and as my daughter ages) there seems to be less for me on the horizon every year.

That might sound sad, but I think that’s fine. I can roll with whatever, and if what comes is an escapist vacation to a tropical land from Dec 20th to January 3rd then so be it. If it means spending more time with extended family as my brother’s family grows, then I’m good with that, too – but I think more of this season needs to be on my own terms, even though my own terms would include a certain sacrifice of time and money.

I guess what I’m saying is that I am good with the change that will inevitably come. I am not the only one aging here, and my daughter is bound to start her own rituals and traditions around the holiday season before long.

I’m elated that anyone would want to spend time with me… and when those occasions arise, I hope I have the wherewithal to join in and genuinely be merry without some misplaced sense of obligation.

the end of the year

The time of perennial celebration for the sake of tradition is finally coming to a close. Though it’s statistically ominous, we believe our livers will keep filtering toxins properly for a couple more days before we as a species, en masse, declare our intentions for clean living & regular exercise in the new year. Every gym and online subscription-based diet plan is currently throwing good money after bad in hopes of securing their income for another few months.

We’ve grown irritable toward our loved ones due to subsiding primarily on junk food for the past several days and we’re all loathing our return to work – except, of course, for the undercredited people who’ve been working in retail spaces and restaurants for the entire ‘vacation time’ that everyone else has been taking.

I don’t drink, and despite a few brief breaks from my regular eating program, am pretty regimented in the diet department. I can also say that I maintained my level of fitness apart from days that the gym was closed.

I don’t know what’s coming around the bend this year but I do know that if you truly believe that the coming year will be better than the previous one, you’ll ultimately be correct. This is based on mindset alone.

Me? My year was great. 2024 beat 2023 hands-down, and although 2023 wasn’t without its challenges, I can say that it surpassed 2022 if for no other reason than the notion that 2022 prepared me for 2023. So I have no doubt in my mind about 2025 because I refuse to live in a state of constant wallowing.

Don’t get me wrong – depression is a real thing, and I won’t take that away from you. I am not talking about depression. I am talking about the folks that aren’t necessarily depressed, but tend to dwell on the darker, bleaker sides of humanity, who spend time consuming dank garbage on social media, and who live with the constant, unwavering belief that we are living in the darkest timeline…

… because, if that’s what you focus on, it’s all you’ll see.

There are a few different religious texts that says that “the truth will be what convinces” which is often taken to mean that we will learn the truth and believe it… but what it actually means is: Whatever you are convinced is true, will be true.

So if you think you’ll never lose enough weight… or that Trump is going to destroy the working poor… or that your boss will overlook your abilities – then you’re destined to only see examples to support these things. However – If you believe you can run your first marathon in 2025… or that you’ll see personal growth and success in your job… or that things will improve economically or socially in your region – then you’ll see examples of that.

This is why I tend to (silently) take issue with the notion of people “speaking their truth” when their truth tends to be more of a questionably formed opinion passed off as fact… because we have to be good to each other, and build each other up… rather than tell each other how it is all the time.

So – whatever kind of New Year you choose to have, I hope good fortune visits you beyond what you thought possible.

the next indicated thing

Recently, I talked to a friend I haven’t talked to in a few years. It was truly magnificent to reminisce and think back on the simpler times, when we lived in the same house and played music together. The conversation really affirmed me and the way I try to live my life.

As I think about it now, it brought to mind another conversation with another friend a couple days earlier. We’re at different points in our child-rearing days, and was a good reminder for me in my artistic life as well.

The undertones of each conversation was: Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.

We have a tendency to wish away the hard parts of life without savouring the magic. We can so easily say “when our kids are older” or “once this recording is done” or “after the holidays” without ever allowing ourselves to sit in the moment and experience life, and feel what’s happening as it’s happening. The truth is that everything is amazing – even sometimes when it’s amazingly bad.

It’s a reminder to enjoy the holidays, though parts of them are hard.
Enjoy the recording process, though it’s challenging.
Enjoy this time with our families and our kids…
… because when it is over, and we’re no to the next phase, there’s no turning back.

We can only do this, now.
And we can only experience this, now.

And we really can’t move on past the next indicated thing until the next indicated thing is complete.

So as we move into 2025, I hope you are able to just… take it in, and don’t sweat the small stuff, and don’t give in to the distractions.

Happy New Year.

here we go

It’s the Saturday before Christmas, and despite everything I said a couple weeks ago about only committing to what you can handle, we’re all about to find out how much that actually is. Some of us are so busy right now that we don’t even have time to read this blog post – so thank you for taking a minute.

I’ll keep it brief.

If I can encourage anything, it’s just be in the moment wherever you are and wherever you’re going. Just take your time and be present with the people you’re visiting with, because it’s very easy to be somewhere and be consumed with the next obligation – especially if it’s happening on the same day – but do what you can to enjoy and make merry with the people you’re with while you’re with them.

The holidays will be a whirlwind anyway, no matter how you slice it… and a whirlwind doesn’t need your help to move it along.

I hope you and the people you spend it with truly get the best of the season, and that you take care of yourself, and your brain, and the people around you in the midst of it all.

Let tomorrow happen tomorrow.
Let next week happen next week.
… and January can wait until January.

And… please do it without harming an animal if at all possible – or at least as few as possible. Animals are unnecessary casualties of these social contracts we commit ourselves to, and if we can leave them out of it, we’ll all feel better. If we’re truly in pursuit of “Peace on Earth, Good will towards all people” this season, then I’ll openly state that veganism is the end result of peaceful living.

All the best to you & yours.