bereaved

We’ve been diverted from our regularly scheduled program.
Bereavement does that.

Time just keeps on ticking by, though, doesn’t it. It’s interesting to me how death is a part of life, and everyone gets to witness it, and everyone gets to experience it eventually. Cultures have developed intense and methodical storylines to explain what blissful series of events may happen beyond the event that our earthly bodies must eventually undergo, while also giving believers a list guidelines to follow beforehand – then these storylines become the justification for taking the lives of those who worship a different sky-dad.

*** If that sounds callous or offensive,
feel free to take it up with your religious leaders.

Yet here, in the first world, despite our common painful experience as witnesses to the inevitable, it can feel like nobody cares.

If you have ME in your life, it’ll almost definitely feel that way. I’m an emotionally dysregulated neurodivergent 40-something man who’s processing speed with things like this is akin to the spinning beachball that your antiquated computer with show you at the first sign of trying to do 2 things at once. I can apologize for that but I probably won’t; because to my mind, an apology needs to come with a changed behaviour and I’m not sure there are any upgrades to my processing speed at this point.

We had a family member pass away. I say ‘we’ because it wasn’t anyone in my immediate family, but an in-law. And… I’ll save the details out of respect, because I am not part of the narrative that the man’s children are setting. I am a supporter on the inner circle, and I did have a relationship with the man.

He was a very thoughtful conversationalist. A curious mind who loved to know the ins & outs of everything from politics to business. Always respectful, and had a very keen sense of justice. I will miss talking to him and helping him out with the odd task here & there.

A week ago, as I was on the verge of an ‘Irish-Goodbye’ at a family function, I was nudged to let him know I was leaving, so I did. He stood up, and shook my hand, and thanked me for coming. If I was going to have a final encounter with someone like him, I’m glad it was exactly that.

Are we judged by our deeds in the time we spend on earth? I don’t know and I really don’t care. Every last one of us is flawed, and although I am more than willing to have the conversation about whether or not we have free will on a normal day, this is not a normal day. Our existence must be more nuanced than that, but if that is indeed how it’s done then I’d be a lot more concerned if I had a religious belief system that I was betraying in the shadows like a hypocrite, than the flawed and (mostly) transparent man slouched behind his laptop on a mid-week holiday afternoon, typing all of this.

He had his flaws and his traumas like the rest of us, but he walked upright in the light, and he did the very best he could for his family and they; or rather, WE will miss him dearly. The lessons he imparted during his time with us will live on in the lives of his children and his grandchildren – and that’s about as immortal as any of us get to be.

I’ll grieve more outwardly when I’m ready. For now, I have hurting people around me and I don’t really know how to process that beyond recalling my own past trauma and cracking absurd jokes that; FORTUNATELY, I have learned to keep to myself.

In closing; I fight the urge to say what we everyone says when they’re experiencing this…
Give time to your elders.
Hug your homies.
Call your dad.

All of those hashtag-like sayings.

You might not actually do it.
I have a hard time with those things.
But I think the people I love who love me back know that the one time I gave them a hug… years ago… I meant it forever.

suffering from righteousness

I don’t get into worldly politics on here much, and I’m not going to start now for the simple fact that these are subject far too broad and far too deep to chock up to left vs right. That said, I’m sure you can gather from the hippy-dippy undertones of what I like to write about, in tandem with my arts background, penchant for animal rights, and various other indicators that my preferences lie more on the side what’s best for the group rather than what’s best for the individual.

That said, we can all be greedy. Greed may be one of the few things you can really count on in this day & age, because when someone is greedy, they are somewhat predictable.

When a war is declared over resource… oil, for example – we can anticipate that the aggressor is going to be very careful in their attack, in an effort to not destroy what they are after. Therefor, there are safe places for vulnerable people to seek refuge – near the refineries and storage facilities, in this case. Once the prize has been won, the aggressor will leave, and the affected country will rebuild. It may not seem like it, but these sorts of engagements have rules, and breaking those rules has repercussions.

A holy war, however… a war based in some perceived moral superiority, wherein the aggressor seeks to impose a genocide on an entire group of people over a difference of faith is another thing entirely. No one is safe, and no care is taken – if the goal is to wipe an entire demographic off the face of the planet, then there is no calculable loss to be concerned with. This is true terror.

There are examples of both throughout the ages, and we tend to downplay our own historical misgivings while pointing the finger at others. Nobody alive remembers the Napoleonic Wars, or the Crusades – both of which were brutal and long, and both of which have been given names that sound a lot nicer than they would have been to experience, as opposed to… say; The Holocaust.

War is an extreme case though, isn’t it?

On a more granular level we have people we know, who are not really in powerful enough positions to exact war on anyone else, but there are haters and there are abusers, and scaled down, their motivations are the same… and we see low-level efforts of both all around us.

Right now we’re witnessing our own families and friend groups engage in a form of nationalism as we shop Canadian to avoid paying unnecessary taxes to an overreaching foreign government. This isn’t a thing we should do out of spite, but a thing we should do in the spirit of support – something we should have been doing before, but now we have stronger reasons to do so. But I believe that the cause of our motivation matters. It’s important to remember that there are people on the other side of that international border who are hurting, and that although we can’t necessarily do anything to alleviate that hurt, that is who is over there.

There is no moral superiority.
We have all the same bullshit here as they do there.
And while we’re concerned with what their government is doing – a government that we can’t vote for or against, and have no say over what they do – we have our own governing bodies, and we should be concerned with what they are doing while we’re distracted by what’s going on over the fence.

That goes for an even closer-to-home look at things, as well. there are people in my own family whom I completely disagree with as far as lifestyle, initiative, what decisions they’re making. It’s easy for me to label them – and I often do – and it’s easy for me to write them off – and I often do – but hate and exploitation are pretty far off in the distance from where I am right now.

If they were to actually put forth an effort into improving their situation, I would help them.

The only thing holding me back is the notion that I cannot do it for them… and to force my ideals of what should and shouldn’t be is no better than condemning them for not doing things my way.

I guess what we’re talking about here, is grace.

the end of the year

The time of perennial celebration for the sake of tradition is finally coming to a close. Though it’s statistically ominous, we believe our livers will keep filtering toxins properly for a couple more days before we as a species, en masse, declare our intentions for clean living & regular exercise in the new year. Every gym and online subscription-based diet plan is currently throwing good money after bad in hopes of securing their income for another few months.

We’ve grown irritable toward our loved ones due to subsiding primarily on junk food for the past several days and we’re all loathing our return to work – except, of course, for the undercredited people who’ve been working in retail spaces and restaurants for the entire ‘vacation time’ that everyone else has been taking.

I don’t drink, and despite a few brief breaks from my regular eating program, am pretty regimented in the diet department. I can also say that I maintained my level of fitness apart from days that the gym was closed.

I don’t know what’s coming around the bend this year but I do know that if you truly believe that the coming year will be better than the previous one, you’ll ultimately be correct. This is based on mindset alone.

Me? My year was great. 2024 beat 2023 hands-down, and although 2023 wasn’t without its challenges, I can say that it surpassed 2022 if for no other reason than the notion that 2022 prepared me for 2023. So I have no doubt in my mind about 2025 because I refuse to live in a state of constant wallowing.

Don’t get me wrong – depression is a real thing, and I won’t take that away from you. I am not talking about depression. I am talking about the folks that aren’t necessarily depressed, but tend to dwell on the darker, bleaker sides of humanity, who spend time consuming dank garbage on social media, and who live with the constant, unwavering belief that we are living in the darkest timeline…

… because, if that’s what you focus on, it’s all you’ll see.

There are a few different religious texts that says that “the truth will be what convinces” which is often taken to mean that we will learn the truth and believe it… but what it actually means is: Whatever you are convinced is true, will be true.

So if you think you’ll never lose enough weight… or that Trump is going to destroy the working poor… or that your boss will overlook your abilities – then you’re destined to only see examples to support these things. However – If you believe you can run your first marathon in 2025… or that you’ll see personal growth and success in your job… or that things will improve economically or socially in your region – then you’ll see examples of that.

This is why I tend to (silently) take issue with the notion of people “speaking their truth” when their truth tends to be more of a questionably formed opinion passed off as fact… because we have to be good to each other, and build each other up… rather than tell each other how it is all the time.

So – whatever kind of New Year you choose to have, I hope good fortune visits you beyond what you thought possible.