Tag: blog

motivation

I’m motivated. And I’m inspired.

… but there’s something to know about inspiration and motivation, and that is that they are temporary. I am currently a little heavier than I want to be, and it’s a strange place to be because I ultimately chose it.

I don’t mean that in the sense that I ‘chose to eat a dozen cupcakes‘ but I did choose to put my endless cardio on the shelf for a bit so that I could focus on developing muscle, and the good news is that it worked. The bad news is, that when you eat more – yes, even healthy food – and lift more, muscle is not the only thing you gain… so it’s time to cut – and cut I shall.

I’ve been doing some HIIT training a couple times a week over the past couple months amid the heavy weightlifting, which has been great, but a few years ago I hit on something that I’m particularly good at (for better or worse) and that is jogging. I can run in Zone 2 (heart rate zone, that is) for swaths of time, to the point that at the end of February, I thought I’d just ‘see what I can do’ since it had been a while since I’d put in a long-ish run.
I ran 8km.
It took about an hour.
First run back after a winter of lifting weights.

I’m sure you can tell by the way I phrased that, but I’m happy with that. That’s essentially the pace I left off at when seasonal allergies took me out of the running game in the fall. I now do it 3 times a week… longer when I can, but really, between weight training 3 times per week and running 3 days per week, I’m pretty full-up.

It’s also as spiritual as it was before.
I’d almost forgotten how connected I feel to myself, and to my environment when I’m doing this – especially outside. To push myself closer to the ever-changing limit of what I am capable of is such a magical place. I’m not heading into the river valley just yet, because to fall on the ice is to endanger my artistic life, but I can’t wait.

I also have some light bike repair to complete before getting back into the mud on my mountain bike, but that’s coming soon, too.

I do everything I can to quell the winter blues, and ultimately I do a much better job of that than ever before, but that doesn’t mean that springtime isn’t massively optimistic time for me.

I’m so ready.

At this point I’m flirting with the idea of entering a race, but in the end what I really want to do is just run. Run for me. Do I need an event to stay on track? Not really. Would it be fun? Probably.

I guess I’ll have to see what my summer gig schedule looks like.

context

Even a portrait with a blank background still has a background. The background is not absent, it’s just blank, and it allows us to project our own background onto it if we wish to do so – but some won’t. Their lack of imagination or inability to align themselves with the artist’s vision may lead them to believe the artist was lazy, or that the work is unfinished.

But it’s just blank.

Sometimes I try to write like that.
Songs, not blog posts.
It doesn’t work for me, or at least I’m never happy with the end result. So I give it context. Then, in the editing phase, I remove some of that context.

I’ve been giving some thought to a series of short videos wherein I get into the subject matter of my songs, where they come from and why they were written. I’ve received encouragement into this because (a) I’ve got a lot to draw from in The Confusionaires songbook alone, let alone my own catalog from before that, and (b) people seem to be able to acknowledge that my songs are about real things, and that those things aren’t always super clear.

Every once in a while, I get asked what a song is about. It’s always flattering and slightly unnerving, because the genre that my band operates in doesn’t really have a Kerouac or Bob Dylan character. Most songs in the genre are about girls and cars, and while I don’t shy away from the usual tropes, I don’t really write about such things (to the point that my girlfriend semi-regularly gives me grief about not writing love songs).

Girls and cars might play a role in a story-song, but there is usually some larger statement at the heart of the songs I write… questions of morality, sense of purpose, nihilism, higher calling, death, internal struggle… you get the picture. But I make it catchy, and squeeze it into 2 minutes and 45 seconds at 250 bpm, and nobody really notices… until they do.

I imagine that there are people out there who have picked up on what I’m saying and not asked, and are taking me out of context. I honestly have no idea.

Beyond myself, though, I think we’ve all been taken out of context… and I would wager that we take someone ELSE out of context almost every single day, even if it’s small. Between phenomenons such as ‘vaguebooking’ and our propensity to only read the headline of an article and somehow feeling informed enough to voice an opinion on something. It’s to the point that most of the articles you see on social media now are just screenshots of stories, and I don’t think most people noticed.

It’s the reason you won’t see me jumping on bandwagons when it comes to people with controversial opinions. The way people are willing to destroy each other over differing opinions and misunderstandings is gross. I’m not talking about gender identity or nazis or any of that stuff – I mean actual differences of opinion, and actual lack of context, because I don’t believe that every right-wing voter is a nazi who hates poor people any more than I believe that all lefties are barefoot vegan hippies who use cloth diapers.

You, much like me, have things you’re conservative about and things you’re liberal about, but we’re forced to cast a couple of votes every half-decade to political parties who are constantly trying to point out our differences. Buzz-word authors and podcast hosts are trying to instill some measure of ‘holier than thou’ / ‘you’re either with us or against us’ rhetoric constantly, and if you’re not maintaining your algorithm diligently by being intentional with what you ‘like’ and what you remove from your feed, then you won’t be able to keep the wolves away.

I’m pretty accustomed to being misunderstood. My parent’s never really understood me. A lot of my friends never understood me. I’ve been misrepresented in newspapers when promoting my music. I’ve been called names I didn’t deserve. I’ve been shunned by communities and friend groups… and really none of this is special – it’s probably all happened to you before, too… yet here we are, doing the exact thing that’s brought us all so much pain over the years, only to realise that the pain from over the years has shaped who we are today…
And that’s not so hard to see…
… once we put it into context.

suffering from righteousness

I don’t get into worldly politics on here much, and I’m not going to start now for the simple fact that these are subject far too broad and far too deep to chock up to left vs right. That said, I’m sure you can gather from the hippy-dippy undertones of what I like to write about, in tandem with my arts background, penchant for animal rights, and various other indicators that my preferences lie more on the side what’s best for the group rather than what’s best for the individual.

That said, we can all be greedy. Greed may be one of the few things you can really count on in this day & age, because when someone is greedy, they are somewhat predictable.

When a war is declared over resource… oil, for example – we can anticipate that the aggressor is going to be very careful in their attack, in an effort to not destroy what they are after. Therefor, there are safe places for vulnerable people to seek refuge – near the refineries and storage facilities, in this case. Once the prize has been won, the aggressor will leave, and the affected country will rebuild. It may not seem like it, but these sorts of engagements have rules, and breaking those rules has repercussions.

A holy war, however… a war based in some perceived moral superiority, wherein the aggressor seeks to impose a genocide on an entire group of people over a difference of faith is another thing entirely. No one is safe, and no care is taken – if the goal is to wipe an entire demographic off the face of the planet, then there is no calculable loss to be concerned with. This is true terror.

There are examples of both throughout the ages, and we tend to downplay our own historical misgivings while pointing the finger at others. Nobody alive remembers the Napoleonic Wars, or the Crusades – both of which were brutal and long, and both of which have been given names that sound a lot nicer than they would have been to experience, as opposed to… say; The Holocaust.

War is an extreme case though, isn’t it?

On a more granular level we have people we know, who are not really in powerful enough positions to exact war on anyone else, but there are haters and there are abusers, and scaled down, their motivations are the same… and we see low-level efforts of both all around us.

Right now we’re witnessing our own families and friend groups engage in a form of nationalism as we shop Canadian to avoid paying unnecessary taxes to an overreaching foreign government. This isn’t a thing we should do out of spite, but a thing we should do in the spirit of support – something we should have been doing before, but now we have stronger reasons to do so. But I believe that the cause of our motivation matters. It’s important to remember that there are people on the other side of that international border who are hurting, and that although we can’t necessarily do anything to alleviate that hurt, that is who is over there.

There is no moral superiority.
We have all the same bullshit here as they do there.
And while we’re concerned with what their government is doing – a government that we can’t vote for or against, and have no say over what they do – we have our own governing bodies, and we should be concerned with what they are doing while we’re distracted by what’s going on over the fence.

That goes for an even closer-to-home look at things, as well. there are people in my own family whom I completely disagree with as far as lifestyle, initiative, what decisions they’re making. It’s easy for me to label them – and I often do – and it’s easy for me to write them off – and I often do – but hate and exploitation are pretty far off in the distance from where I am right now.

If they were to actually put forth an effort into improving their situation, I would help them.

The only thing holding me back is the notion that I cannot do it for them… and to force my ideals of what should and shouldn’t be is no better than condemning them for not doing things my way.

I guess what we’re talking about here, is grace.

fatigue

I’m not sure that the general populous of the human race in 2025 even knows how to rest. With the general onslaught of information; this blog notwithstanding, there is a constant need to decipher misinformation and half-truths that; if we’re lucky, is only peppered in between bouts of 9-5 work and/or hustle-culture gigs, child-rearing, school, hopefully an exercise regimen and ideally some food prep… and any number of other things.

Personally, and as ignorant as it may seem, I unfollowed and blocked frequent posters of American politics. As a Canadian, American politics are foreign, and thus are not something I can (a) contribute to, (b) vote in, or (c) control the outcome of in ny way. Provincial and national politics are my business, but a lot of that gets filtered out because many Canadians don’t seem to realize that there’s a difference between American and Canadian politics, or are at least impassioned about both (most with a level of futility).

I can get into that more, but I probably won’t.

Most of us think we are slaves to the algorithm in some measure or other, but just as much as ‘liking’ posts influences what you will see later, so does indicating what is not of interest by way of hitting the X in the top right corner of a facebook post, or clicking ‘not interested’ under the ‘3 dots’ in the top right corner of a Threads post.

I won’t say that this has quelled my phone addiction, but it’s certainly tamed it.

Beyond that, I wear a Garmin Forerunner that tells me how well I sleep on a scale of 1 to 100. I don’t think I’ve ever crested 83, and I’ve gone as low as 65 which will make for a fairly sub-standard effort through my day. I generally get about 7 hours per night between 10pm and 5am with a 90-minute workout.

I’m by no measure a professional when it comes to proper rest and recuperation, but I have made improvements in my life. Future goals include (a) drinking enough water, and (b) amplifying my workout regimen.

I just try to do a little better as I go.

I hope you do, too.

treading lightly

Sometimes it feels like the whole world is walking on eggshells, and perhaps they should be. As we move forward as a society and as a people, we follow an inclination to do better than previous generations, but there’s always a select group of people who feel that things were better before.

This view is one of privilege, but not necessarily current privilege – more likely a place of past privilege that they are longing for. We’ve all heard it before – maybe we’ve even said it before – “Simpler times” when the dollar was worth more, in a time when nobody’s ever heard of autism, or being trans, or peanut allergies, or the climate crisis, or wage inequality, or whatever. Naturally, all of those things existed, but the populus thought it best not to voice their concerns. Everyone who wasn’t directly affected by those things got to be ignorant of those things, and ignorance is bliss, of course.

That’s all fine. Times change, and people change… but people don’t always change at the same rate, and at the current high-speed velocity of new information being blasted toward each of us, I think there’s a level of patience required for those members of previous generations who are not accustomed to this velocity of information.

I’m not speaking directly about ‘wokeness’ or ‘cancel culture’ because I really don’t think those things exist, and if I had my way, I’d never type those words again. I’m also not talking about the political institutions or billionaire villains of a country I don’t live or vote in. I’m speaking about generational differences.

Since everything needs a name, apparently, I am considered an ‘elder millennial’ or a ‘xenial’ which means I am technically a millennial, but share more commonality in my upbringing with Generation X, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that back in the 1990’s when I was a teenager, we were the absolute most accepting and most inclusive people we could possibly imagine. However, by comparison to today’s standards, we would all be considered climate-denying racists, and every last one of us is glad that the very few cell phones available at the time were not capable of taking and sharing video due to the absolutely insane shit that was going on. We did things and said things that wouldn’t fly now, and if there was some documentation of what was said & done back then, we’d all be in trouble.

But those people in the 90’s… they improved. They got better, and they had kids and raised them to be better… and their parents, who were essentially raised in the dark ages – they’re generally better people, too. But they got there (and are still getting there) at a different rate.

All that to say that people do change, and that redemption needs to be available to all of us. So many people have had some ‘viral moment’ saying or doing something that doesn’t represent them at all, but are denied the opportunity to atone for these things now because the audience has both made up their mind, and moved on.

All I can do is encourage people to take part in the human experience; not only as the first person narrative, but as a supporting character in someone else’s story. Listen and ask questions… and understand that we have more in common than we think we do – more in common than uncommon – and that just because someone votes for a different party than you doesn’t mean they’re a hate-filled bigot. Almost nobody is voting out of hate for an entire demographic of people. There’s a myriad of issues that face us all, and hardly any (or none, really) viable options for any of us to choose when it comes to ideal leaders.

We’re all doing our best.
Remember that we’re all doing our best.

just lucky

I’m aware of my privilege… more and more all the time. In the past few years I’ve managed to reach the age where this whole fragile and flawed system by which we live is set up for me to succeed – at least as much as is possible in the wake of unsustainable financial devastation left for us by our boomer ancestors.

I live in a nice little house in an up-&-coming area of town, I have a partner I scarcely deserve for a myriad of reasons, and a well-mannered and intelligent teenage kid who is turning into a very thoughtful and smart adult. I drive a good vehicle. I have a vintage hobby car and a stable full of excellent guitars. I write rock & roll songs and I record and perform them with some very talented musicians, and I get paid more handsomely than ever before to do that. Sure, I have a day job, but it’s a very good one, where I am treated well and have influence. I supervise some very cool people, and we make each other’s lives easier whenever possible. Things will continue to get better and better.

I guess this is optimism.

As this gets posted, I’m actually in the middle of a 3-day mini-tour of Southern Alberta. We played Calgary on Thursday, and Castle Mountain Ski Resort last night, and today we’re en route to Lethbridge before heading home on Sunday. We’ll be heading home with money in our pockets, and we’ll begin making a new record when we get there.

Once upon a time I fantasized about this life. A recent phone conversation with an old friend reminded me of that… which reminds me, I should call him again.

I’m truly grateful for what I have and where it’s going.
If everything halted in it’s tracks and this is exactly what my life was until I died, I would be content. This is what it is to be happy, I think. I once heard someone say “the only joy you find on the summit of Mount Everest is the joy you bring with you” and I believe this to be true.

To illustrate that point, I deal with a ton of bullshit every day at work, every time I turn around I feel like I’m handing someone else hundreds of dollars, my personal time is precious and fleeting at best. Corporations and family members alike are bleeding me dry and I don’t sleep enough. When something comes up, my early morning routine and my finely tuned diet are the first things to go, which results in me feeling fat and unhealthy during times when I need the opposite to be true. I spend too much time in hotel rooms. I work long hours…

… you get the picture. This is called realism.

Even so, I’m so aware of the great things happening in my life that none of those complaints hold any real weight. I realize this is a choice I’ve made. Happiness is a choice, and reminding ourselves of the positive perspective that we’re allowed to have is a choice.

Realism & Optimism. Why do we think about these words in contrast? Why is the ‘realistic’ view such a negative way of looking at things when the great things we have in our lives can easily be identified as ‘real’?

I don’t think we need to be all pollyanna about everything, necessarily, but the notion that ‘where your treasure is, your heart will also be‘ becomes a pretty strong statement when people constantly dwell on the negative. Our treasure is our focus – so if we focus on the darkness, we can expect our hearts to go dark as well. It’s for this reason that goal-oriented people tend to be magnetic and inspiring.

The time for hibernation and doom-scrolling will be over soon.
We’ll be able to go outside and feel the sun again.

thief of joy

As much as I eschew clickbait, I do still see those absurd headlines attempting to conjure clicks and engagement. The one I happened across just before writing this entry was about how Taylor Swift is the cultural heir (for lack of a better term) to what Bruce Springsteen has cultivated over his decades of writing and performing. I don’t really care what that article says, but I know enough to be able to acknowledge that Springsteen can do no wrong in most older music fans’ eyes, and that Taylor Swift is a polarizing character because she’s seen to have not ‘paid her dues’ yet for some bonkers reason. Hence… the clicks.

Chock it up to chauvinism, generational baggage, or whatever you want in order to justify the old guard’s disdain or distrust of Taylor Swift – but the fact is that this is not how all of this works. It’s not a royal bloodline in the monarchical sense – but proposing it might be a royal bloodline does serve to upset people who might not realize the bullshit factor in these types of comparisons.

Comparison. What a bitch.

Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s been said so many times that it’s almost meaningless when we hear it, but the distraction that comes with comparison can derail so much greatness. The amount of alcohol I’ve ingested, the amount of bad food I’ve eaten, and the amount of drugs I’ve done pale in comparison to the distraction I’ve put in my own way through being concerned with what other people are doing, and what successes other people are seeing from their efforts.

“This peformer is ___ years younger than me”
“That video has ___ more views than mine”
“That band has ___ more people at their shows than me”

… all of it distracts from what it truly important in my life – which is: am I engaging in my purpose?

None of that shit matters.

What I’m doing matters.
But… What I’m doing doesn’t matter to you – or at least it shouldn’t – partly; if not completely, because it brings about a sense of fear, and fear doesn’t live in the present moment… it lives in the future.

That brings about another thought which might seem to come from out of left field, but I think it relates. That is the potential role of A.I. in art and music as the future comes hurtling toward us.

It was recently put to me that with the advent of companies buying up the catalogued works of Bob Dylan, Dee Snider, and other song cafters of the 20th century and the growing ‘threat’ of A.I.’s presence in the arts are linked, and that these catalogues will be fed into A.I. machines for the purpose of creating more Bob Dylan (and others’) records long after the death of artists like him, and that “this is what we’ll be competing with in the future.”

I have to say that if this is remotely true, I won’t be competing.
It won’t be a competition.
If there’s a market for computer generated music, it’s likely going to be in genres of music that are inherently perfect. Recordings that have been engineered to a point of soulless perfection will be under threat of being undercut by machines that can do it faster and cheaper, and that don’t come with the flawed human elements of coping with addiction, trauma, stress, and all the other things that make art a reflection of humanity.

There will be no competition because there will be no comparison. If anything, it’s just as likely that value on human performances – flawed, imperfect performances – will increase, because it is real and relatable… and because as close as these things can get to being authentically human, humans still have a gut instinct that tells them when something is ingenuine, or outright bullshit.

If anything, my skills will be even more specialized as less people are actively doing them live and in-studio.

… there will be no comparison.
And my joy in performing my craft will stay intact.