Tag: diy

day 101 – the marathon monks

“We’re fortunate our options go beyond ‘finish or die trying’ in any of our chosen paths, but at some point we all have a day 101 – where we must choose to commit, or choose to quit – but a choice must be made. On that day, there should be no doubt what needs to happen.”

There is both a book and a documentary about the “Marathon Monks of Mount Hiei.” Both are nearing 20 years old and are ultimately the kind of documentaries you might have seen being made even before then. In other words – a little dry. Documentary making has taken many turns for the better and more interesting in more recent years, and the artistic direction behind them is of great benefit. This documentary is not that.

It’s not without it’s merits, however. You might not be able to make that documentary now because you might not find a Tendai Monk that’s in the right place in their path to make the journey.

The journey; of course, being 1000 marathons in 1000 days, known regionally as The Kaihogyo. Now, these are not consecutive days, but that’s not really the point. The point is the path to enlightenment – to essentially become a living saint. The 7 year journey breaks down like this:

Year 1: run 30 km per day for 100 straight days. *During this time, the monk can quit, but after day 101, there is no quitting. He completes the Kaihogyo or he dies trying.
Year 2: run 30 km per day for 100 straight days.
Year 3: run 30 km per day for 100 straight days.
Year 4: run 30 km per day. This time for 200 straight days.
Year 5: run 30 km per day for 200 straight days. After completing the fifth year of running, the monk must go 9 consecutive days without food, water, or rest (known as the Doiri). Two monks stand beside him at all times to ensure that he does not fall asleep.
Year 6: the monk must run 60 km per day for 100 straight days.
Year 7: the monk must run 84 km per day for 100 straight days. Then, he must run 30 km per day for the final 100 days.

Fueling is a whole other thing – these monks traditionally eat between 1000 and 2000 calories per day, exclusively rice, miso soup, and green tea – when they’re not eating nothing, of course.

There’s a myriad of lessons to be learned from the Tendai Monks, many of which are related to commitment – never giving up no matter how hard it gets or how long it takes, because If We Commit To Nothing, We’ll Be Distracted By Everything – and never complaining about the struggles we’ve chosen to conquer, because we’ve chosen them.

We’re fortunate our options go beyond ‘finish or die trying‘ in any of our chosen paths, but at some point we all have a day 101 – where we must choose to commit, or choose to quit – but a choice must be made. On that day, there should be no doubt what needs to happen.

getting granular

“I choose to get granular. I know what the bigger picture is for my health journey and I know how it’s going. It’s good to ‘zoom out’ and acknowledge how far you’ve come as a way of encouraging yourself, or rather myself – but fine-tuning your practice and measuring results requires a detailed perspective… that extra couple reps, that extra few minutes of meditation, that faster lap, that extra page of writing, and extra half hour earlier you wake up…”

We’re all doing our best. I have to believe that and this is not the first time I’ve espoused such a notion. Even those people you disagree with that seem to be waiting in the shadows of the internet; ever ready to pounce on your good vibes are doing their best. Their best what? Beats me – but they truly believe they’re making a difference in their world, just as I do, and although I may disagree with the tactics they use and the viewpoint they broadcast, we do have that little shred of commonality.

I know I can’t change those people’s minds, and I know they won’t change mine. I can only change my perception of them, and the method by which I react – and if they have nothing but negative talk for me then I must acknowledge this:

“You will never find a hater that works harder than you” – David Goggins.

As much as David Goggins is liable to record himself reciting the hateful rhetoric of his online critics and listen to them while he works out, (and I am not going to do that) I will say that he has chosen how to react in his way, and I choose how to react in mine.

I choose to get granular. I know what the bigger picture is for my health journey and I know how it’s going. It’s good to ‘zoom out’ and acknowledge how far you’ve come as a way of encouraging yourself, or rather myself – but fine-tuning your practice and measuring results requires a detailed perspective… that extra couple reps, that extra few minutes of meditation, that faster lap, that extra page of writing, and extra half hour earlier you wake up…

I find that the number one criticism I receive; while fully acknowledging that it’s only criticism if I decide I’m being criticized, is people saying ‘that’s too extreme’ or that I should ‘take a break’. What I know now – today – is that I’ll take a break when I deem it appropriate, and that ‘extreme’ is a relative term. I can’t be measured by anyone’s yardstick but my own, and I seek satisfaction in knowing that I’m pushing myself to be better. There’s a more-than-good chance that I’m being encouraged to ingest some sort of chill pill; not because I need one, but because my efforts are making other people question their own discipline, and rather than intensifying their game, they’d prefer to see me de-tensify mine. That’s their struggle, I guess – but it doesn’t have to be mine.

So I’ll tell you right now:
If you want to weigh your food in order to track calories or macros better, do it. If you want to build muscle, do it.
If you want to run longer, do it.
If you want to be more mindful, do it.
If you want to eat cleaner, do it.

The world is full of people who carry their regrets of a misspent youth around with them, but taking action means you can leave those regrets in the rear view.

That means a being better athlete, a better writer, a better singer, a better guitar player, a better friend, a better mentor, a better partner, a better father, a better worker… I might be extreme compared to some people, but certainly not compared to others. For all I know, you could be looking at me thinking I’m not doing enough.

Just try to remember, everyone’s out here doing their best.
Me included.

This week has been solid. I’ve been pushing my speed on the track, and some heavy weights on the bench, and it’s been great. These hard workouts are a means to justify some weekend rest time, because aside from the workouts, I’m in a new position at work now and my brain has been pan-seared by the end of the week, and in need of some artistic expression.

So it’s been 4 intense days, with some calorie cutting and dietary fine-tuning, and some much needed attention to some other matters around the house that will set me up for success in the future.

Once it’s the snow melts and we’re back outside, there’ll be a 5th day for trail running. Can’t wait.

the late bloomer

“A lot of my foolish teenage dreams came back when I got my health back, except now I’m 40, and I have the discipline and artistic fortitude to chase them. “

I know I’m probably not alone in this, but for as far back as I can remember, I’ve been misunderstood, or at best, taken out of context with some regularity. The fact that a person with those sorts of credentials spends any time uploading creative works to the internet is a mystery, even to me – but here we are.

I suppose somewhere between my 40 year old body and my brain that operates at the same level it did when I was 17, it can be expected. I’ve spent a good amount of time in my life being various forms of fucked-up, and have ultimately been hell-bent on consumption of everything from high-fructose corn syrup to pain pills, and washed them all down with liquor, beer & wine. I would say upsetting things, and the frequency at which I was resonating was so low I’m surprised I didn’t stop existing altogether. But that didn’t happen.

I cleaned up – in all the different ways. I got my health in check and my food sources in check and at this point I’ve never been so clear as I am right now, and I’ve also never been so misunderstood by so many people – and that misunderstanding likely either comes from the fact that (a) most of the people around me have only known the hazy, inebriated version of me, or (b) those people are hazy versions of themselves. Now; regardless of whether they fall under category (a) or (b), they’re gradually having to get used to the version of me that is driven, motivated, and disciplined. I understand that it’s a bit bewildering for those people, assuming they care enough to give it a second thought.

What can I say – I’m a Confusionaire.

Scattered throughout the fields of bewildered people are a few folks in my life who are excited by these changes. I keep these people close – or at least as close as an introverted guy like me can. I play it pretty close to the chest, which is either a natural inclination, or a defense mechanism – I’m not sure which, but I do manage to let a few people through.

I wasn’t joking when I said my brain functions the way it did when I was 17. A lot of my foolish teenage dreams came back when I got my health back, except now I’m 40, and I have the discipline and artistic fortitude to chase them. Some of you might be reading this and thinking “mid-life crisis” but I’m not talking about buying a sportscar and picking up women half my age. I’m talking about re-realizing my purpose – but when it feels like so many of my contemporaries are moving in the opposite direction, I am most certainly the outlier among my peers. It bothered me for a while… but I really can’t be too concerned with that anymore.

I like the term “late bloomer” – I subscribe to that.

If any of this resonates with you then you might be a late bloomer, too. I think it’s a thing to be proud of despite how easy it is to look and your low-frequency years as ‘wasted time.’ That’s not wasted time at all. That’s a blessing… and an incubation period. Truth-be-told, if I was always healthy in my body and my mind, I’d probably have taken it for granted – but since it’s a newfound hope and a new opportunity to push myself beyond my limits, it’s absolutely everything to me.

I wish everyone felt this way.

I’ve been traveling this week, and working some long-ass hours with one of those people who got excited by the changes I’ve been making. If you are friends with me on Facebook then you might know that I’m leveling up in the company I work for, and that my band is releasing our finest album to date. Saying that I have a lot going on is an understatement.

Through that, I’ve been able to maintain a level of physical fitness in the fitness room of the hotel I’ve been staying in. I’ve maintained my weightlifting routine, and I have been running with the usual regularity, but not for the lengths of time I’d like to. That can change in the future though, because I’m largely rolling on someone else’s timetable this week…

My boss, a great man who’s had a lot of influence over my professional trajectory, is retiring, and the company has seen fit to offer me his role in the company. I’ve been spending the week training with him, and even though he’s a quarter-century ahead of me, and retiring… he’s not here to fuck around.

I’m proud of where I am, and where I am going… even though after the job is fully mine I’ll be able to go for longer runs. lol.

trauma

“Trauma is not just bad things happening to you.
It’s also good things not happening to you.”

Trauma might be the biggest 6 letter word of 2022… and maybe 2023 since we’re right in there now. I’m not sure if it’s my own algorithm treating me to a nice, shiny shovel with which to dig into my own psyche or if it’s actually everywhere, but it’s certainly a thing to be aware of.

Trauma is most often defined as anything that guides or reroutes neuropathways in the brain, and is completely experiential. That means: a thing happened to you and it changed the way you think. Typically a trauma response is something you implement to prevent yourself from experiencing that situation (or one like it) again, and it’s an understatement to say that most of these situations happen to you as a child or some other variation of young person. This is a time of great brain development and it’s a given that your brain has adapted to your bad experiences just as it has your good experiences and your educational experiences.

But trauma is not just bad things happening to you.
It’s also good things not happening to you.

The hard part of acknowledging trauma in your life is concluding that your parents had something to do with it. And basically, you’re right – they did, just as you as an adult likely have something to do with the trauma of your own children, perhaps your nieces & nephews – but assigning blame isn’t the point. Well, not always. To be trauma-free would make you an outlier in this world.

*** if you’re dealing with serious trauma from childhood you should talk to a professional who can guide you through it.

We’re all sculpted by our experiences in this life, and we’re all graced with a unique view of the world as a result. Often times our world view is what limits us and prevents us from success, just as there are many people who are propelled forward by those same factors.

My personal challenge has been to change my world view. I obviously can’t change my experiences, but I can change my reactions to them. I can use them to grow and see things in a new way, I can redefine what terms like success and growth mean to me after years of simply accepting the status quo. I won’t say it’s easy and it’s certainly not instantaneous.

But… I choose growth.

room for the miracle

“Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.”

I like to have a plan.

I didn’t always like to have a plan, but then again I didn’t always get everything done that needed doing. In truth, the first positive thing I ever got a grip on was my health, and even then it was a loose grip in the beginning – but slowly & surely I made bigger progress followed by smaller regress… 2 steps forward, 1 step back until I learned enough about myself to optimize things.

It took me the better part of a decade to get done what I set out to do, and the most successful part of that (almost) decade was the fall of 2018 leading all the way through 2019 and into the pandemic. I consistently lost 1-2 lbs for a year & a half.

I’ve also been able to apply the principals of that weight loss to other aspects of my life, everything from home improvement projects to artistic output. I’ll spare a lot of the rhetoric and sum it up: Do the work.

Doing the work is methodical and consistent more than anything, but the work requires rest and periodic analysis, too – and it’s within that rest and analysis that we can take a step back and figure out what’s working and what’s not, and how to make things move more efficiently in the direction we want them to. Now, the term isn’t mine, but the concept of ‘making room for the miracle‘ has been pretty constant in my life as of late. The idea that having a plan is great, and knowing that plans change.

Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.

In the context of songwriting, songs show up in my whenever they please… but if I don’t have a guitar and a pen on hand with some regularity then those moments are sure to be further and fewer between – even less so if I insist on exclusively working on scales and rudiments without allowing for any experimentation. Similarly if I want to develop muscle, I’m going to have to spend some time in the gym – and consider trying a new sport or game. If I want to lose some weight then I’m going to have to put some effort into selecting nutrient dense foods, but it’s bound to be more exciting to try some new recipes.

It’s important to stay consistent without being too precious about the action because it can be easy to lose sight of the goal, in the ‘can’t see the forest when you’re looking at the trees‘ sort of way.

When I did my first vegetable juice fast in 2014, I wasn’t thinking about triathlon, or home ownership, or my musical trajectory – but all of those things were ultimately set in motion at that time.

Training this week, has been exactly as written above. The week started out well, but since I’m out traveling and playing shows from Wednesday to Sunday, working out and running have been challenging. I am doing what I can when I can, and through some measure of magic I’ve been able to do a little more than I’d anticipated.

And ill be back on track in no time.

meditation

I’ve had a meditation practice in play for a couple years – however at times it’s felt haphazard to a point that I might have called it a seasonal practice at some point, because with the advent of long runs (meditative as they can be) a few things took a back seat to a few extra minutes of running time. This practice for me has regained it’s priority status as of late and it’s made a significant impact on my life.

When the snow so abruptly arrived to the Edmonton area, I attempted to regain my morning routine from the previous winter – but with an aim to improve. A few changes in my schedule made this difficult, but I do aspire to maintain it even when it feels like I’m running to catch up to it.

Anyway… It just so happens that a popular podcaster and well-known scientist, Andrew Huberman, compiled some data and spit if out in (mostly) a language I can understand. That episode is right here and I recommend it.

I’m in no way affiliated with Andrew Huberman,
but he does some excellent deep-dives into some great topics…
some of which I just can’t ignore.

A few things that resonated with me include the difference & merits of interoception vs exteroception which is the difference between focusing inward (your heart beat, third eye, breathing, etc.) or focusing on something external (the horizon or any other singular object). He mentions that in order to get the full benefits of meditation, your practice can be as little as a few minutes per day – BUT that whether your focus is internal or external might be determined by the situation.

For me; a person who spends a lot of time in his own head, I’d likely benefit more from focusing on something outside of my body, like an object in the room. This is because focusing inward is not much of a challenge, and I’m less likely to hone my meditative skill. However, when I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of commotion, such as when I’m sitting in a food court in the busiest mall in the city, introspection will help me center myself, as opposed to focusing on the commotion that is causing me to be overwhelmed.

The other thing – and it’s a big one – is the issue of distraction. He outlines that distraction is a given. In fact, that’s how the practice is strengthened – by course-correcting your thoughts back to your singular focus, and away from your work day or how hungry you are, etc.

Champion level meditators are not free of distraction. In fact, they become so adept at redirecting their attention back to their meditative practice from the myriad of distractions around us all the time that they seldom even register the shift. Essentially, what may seem like tuning out the outside world completely is the opposite, because the most experienced meditators are actually MORE aware of their surroundings than those of us who feel easily distracted.

In fact, if we shift our attention to the location of our ‘third eye’ (which is behind the front of our forehead) we’re bound to have random thoughts and emotions creep in, because that is the part of the brain responsible for perception – so to focus that part of the brain on itself is to remove all physical distraction, thereby opening the pathway from emotions, feelings, and thoughts to enter our minds and THUS providing us with something to shift our meditative focus away from – which; again, strengthens our practice.

It’s pretty heady stuff, and I’m not sure I’m doing it justice in my laymen explanations, honestly – but I did feel a massive boost in confidence in regards to my meditative practice, and I’m optimistic that you will as well if you throw a couple hours at this video. This is big particularly in this time of the year when there’s so much focus on improving ourselves.

It’s also bound to help those of us fighting off seasonal depression this time of year.

Training is seeing some changes. I’m opting for – you guessed it – more endurance time. This is not because I need more frequency, but because I need more long sessions with an elevated heartrate, so I know go for 80-90 minutes in Zone 2 on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, with a 45 minute session on Friday. Weightlifting happens on Tuesday and Friday and rest days are Wednesday and Sunday.

These changes are always punishing in their infancy, but well warranted in the end. I know I have a few months before I can be back outside with any regularity but I don’t want to skip a beat when that day comes. I’m anticipating a fairly busy year, travel-wise and I look forward to it, but it will bring it’s workout-related challenges. I look forward to mastering this, as well. THAT SAID – if you’re reading this and you’re in the Grande Prairie area, consider swinging by the great northern casino to see Robin Kelly’s Elvis tribute act. I’ll be playing guitar for that.

I also have some pretty lofty goals this year… physically, artistically, and financially. One day at a time.

living in the future: permission to dream

“Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.”

As a supplementary post to last week’s post about living in the past, I thought it’d be nice to give myself permission to dream.

New Years is one of those times that is so marked with tradition that we tend to be able to recall previous years with ease, but our thoughts tend to trend toward the idea that “this year will be different” and – well, of course it will be.

Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.

The gyms will be fraught with new enrollment, and sadly attendance will taper off gradually over the next couple of months. Cigarette and booze sales will decline for a bit, but only for a bit. I’m not speaking this over anyone, so much as observing a pattern.

It’s a hard time of year… But…

Dreaming is allowed. I encourage you to not only dream, but to sort out what the steps are to get there. I promise you that you’re not going to just wake up one day and run a marathon – not without paying for it in one way or another – but if that’s a dream, you can certainly realize it if you put a plan together.

I sincerely hope to see people make the best of their time and really set themselves in motion.

Training this week has been a bit lighter. We took a few days to chill but by Thursday and Friday it was time get get into Zone 2 and start lifting weights. Saturday was a Zone 2 bike/run for an hour – and tonight I play a New Years Eve show at The Black Dog in Edmonton and I’m happy to be fresh for that.

The new year is here… and the plan; for me, is to throw down hard. My music, my job, and my workout regimen won’t even see me coming. The restful holiday time spent gathering with loved ones and reminiscing are over; and frankly, I’ve got some serious shit to do. I’ve got a new record coming out in April, the pre-orders for which will formally be open in a couple of weeks, and I’ve got work to do on that front as well as booking shows, and writing songs for the next one. I’ve got some fitness goals that need some attention that will require me to squeeze every ounce out of my current 6.5-7.0 hours per week I spend training… and… did I mention I also have a job and a family?

I’m not concerned about time constraints. I get up pretty early, so a lot of what I need to take care of gets taken care of before most people are awake – the primary concern is effort and efficiency.

I don’t expect anyone to do what I do to the degree to which I do it… but I hope people push their limits and achieve their goals. I love seeing that.

Between a conscious decision to take it easy this week, which I made back at the beginning of November, and an emergency tooth extraction and a round of antibiotics – I gotta say it feels really good to be back at it in the gym this week. I started back in on Thursday with 90 minutes of endurance / Zone 2 training and Friday with a 45 minutes of cycling and a 45 minute weight workout that consisted primarily of compound exercises – I wanted to hit all my muscle groups since it had been a spell without any serious lifting.

As this is being posted, I’m likely out the door and spending the morning of New Years Eve doing a bike/run with my girlfriend, easily the best way to start the new year. I’m disinclined to really punish myself because I’ve got a long night ahead of me, as my band Confusionaires is performing at The Black Dog in Edmonton tonight.

January is a busy month for me as a performer, and has historically been so. You wouldn’t think it would be that way, but I’ll be traversing this frozen province a couple times before the end of the month, both with Confusionaires and with Robin Kelly, and Elvis Presley tribute artist I play guitar with.

Happy New Year Everyone!