laughable

Certain recent global pandemics that shall remain nameless shook things up a lot. If an understatement exists, surely it was the one I just made.

Mixed into the barrage of things we all had to roll with whether we liked it or not; were a couple things that a good number of people I’ve talked to recently actually miss about the inappropriately termed ‘lock-down’ time. The most consistently cited was the slower pace of daily life.

<sarcasm> y’think??? </sarcasm>

I’ll start by quickly assessing and then pushing aside the fact that it wasn’t actually the slower pace of the pandemic that appealed to us, but rather that the break-neck speed of e-commerce and the never-sleeping algorithm forever parting us with our money in exchange for temporary amusements is not a pace that the human body was ever designed to endure, nor was our collectively exhausted brain – and now that the aforementioned break-neck speed has resumed, a great number of people are resounding in wonderful rebellious chorus: fuck this.

I don’t remember the exact point at which I stumbled across a meme informing me that “it’s ok to stop mainlining cable news” and my respect for meme-culture, if that is indeed a thing, shifted.

Between my conscious decision to stop watching new news; having determined that anything truly important will be brought to my attention either directly or indirectly, and the more recent advent of news outlets being forbidden from posting directly to Facebook (because Facebook refused to pay them for their stories being shared… which is another fun discussion for another day), I am happy to say that the fear machine, in my world, has been cut off at the knees.

As a member of the adult, caucasian male demographic in North America in 2023, and a fervent self-analyzer, I can assure you that most of our decision making is based in one thing: Fear. It’s for this reason that I’m elated to have these reach of these news outlets curtailed significantly, even if it means they might sink to some desperate depths in order to retain Canadian readership.

My observation is that in order to unite any number of people is through connection on a common emotional level. It’s spiritual in nature, because it’s subtle and personal. On a small and positive scale, it’s what unites young couples – the sharing of stories and laughing together; laughing of course being one of the few expressions of self that is socially acceptable. The sharing of tears has a similar effect, but it more acceptable in settings such as bible studies and addiction recovery meetings, or occasionally in a movie theatre where Schindler’s List of some similarly heartbreaking film is being watched, as it’s heartbreak that crosses all personal boundaries. The imagination is triggered in most cases and a relatable experience may come to mind, cascading the emotion – which is why when you’re laughing, the cracking of another joke can make you laugh harder, even if it wasn’t as funny. A shared sadness can have a similar effect, but generally speaking people find these feelings uncomfortable, and avoid these scenarios.

The same emotional connection is made when a feeling of fear is shared, except without the obvious jubilation that a shared laugh brings about. Fear is more humbling and subduing because of it’s negative nature, so when fear is broadcast and shared, it has a sweeping effect as it; too, triggers the imagination and causes a cascade of negative emotion. What is even more problematic about fear is that we as humans tend to fixate on it.

I’ve heard this described as an evolutionary trait, wherein once upon a time, our primitive ancestors might be foraging for food miss something helpful and nourishing such as a fruit tree because they were more concerned with the presence of snakes lurking in the grass. Seeing the snake would be more important to survival than eating an apple or a pear in that moment, so attention to the negative is crucial in times of stress for this generation of ancestors. Eons later, we live under constant stress and anxiety to the point of physical fatigue… but this age-old trait is apparently why we have such trouble looking away from car accidents, too.

So, to have the presence of this fear reduced dramatically will ideally make more room for the sharing of laughter and tears, and connecting with each other on an emotional and spiritual level – the kind of connection we were truly missing through the pandemic (and I would argue much further back than that). Meaningful connection through the sharing of stories, and the spoken word is absolutely crucial to our existence as a species and as a group of individuals, because we quite honestly share more commonality than difference.

It’s fear that serves to categorize and label us. Not love.

I recently drove between opposing sides of an issue – a protest and a counter-protest, held on opposite sides of the street on my route to work. It was big, and people were still just arriving at the time I was passing through. Upon exiting the protest/counter-protest gauntlet, I came to witness a couple walking up to a cross-walk wearing traditional religious garb small-talking with a couple of; and I use the term lovingly, blue-haired freaks. It was fairly clear that both couplets were destined for opposite sides of the street to address the issue at hand, but they appeared to be walking together, and being cordial and polite despite the impending discord.

It made me think about both sides of the issue, and how quickly political and societal issues would be resolved if each side saw the other side for who they are: people… doing their best.

adverse conditions

“The aforementioned old, sick version of me would react much more explosively than I do, but the person I’ve become is confused by these encounters. Not only for the fact that there’s an assumption that I’ll emit some volatile reaction at the first sight of sour news, but that I’m having their feelings of confusion projected onto me – like I’m the one confused.”

I’ve been actively dealing with and reflecting upon a situation in my daily life. I’ve got a few people in my life who’ve been there for a good long while and as I progress in my fitness, spirituality, and seek purpose in my life there are some who are incredibly encouraging and supportive – and some, who are not.

The ones who are not are making some assumptions about the changes I’ve gone through and goals I’ve accomplished and although they think they know me, what they really know is an old, sick, outdated version of me. There’s likely an assumption about me battling a mid-life crisis or just genuinely losing my mind, but in the end I’m a more focused, purpose-driven, happy, and healthy person.

The aforementioned old, sick version of me would react much more explosively than I do, but the person I’ve become is confused by these encounters. Not only for the fact that there’s an assumption that I’ll emit some volatile reaction at the first sight of sour news, but that I’m having their feelings of confusion projected onto me – like I’m the one confused. I’ve never been so clear in my life.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

If my writing seems diplomatic, it is that way by design. I’m not interested in exploiting anyone’s ignorance for my own personal ego boost, and I’m not interested in arguing. For that matter – I’m not interested in explaining myself at all. I really don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything and the last thing I would want is for anyone to feel the need to compare their situation to mine.

That said… just ask and I’ll tell you.

The only way I can describe it is to say I’m a different person. So different that I feel compelled to apologize to the people who knew me back then, for the set-in-my-ways, often belligerent and usually selfish demeanor. I have some things in common with that version of me, but every time I try something and win, I’m winning over that older version of me who never wanted to try in the first place. I’ve laid that old version of myself in his grave many times, and if I felt like I had something to prove (which I really don’t anymore) I’d be trying to prove that I’ve changed.

They say a person never steps in the same river twice.
Not the same river.
Not the same person.

For the time being, I’ll just be over here, keeping my head down and doing my thing – in the moment.


Training this week has seen it’s increases – particularly on Tuesday and Saturday. Here’s how it went:

Monday: Swam 750m. The pool was busy but we held fast to our obligation and that hot tub sit was glorious.
Tuesday: I thought I had a 45 minute bike ride, but the schedule told me it was a 60 minute ride. I overcame, and truthfully could have ridden longer (which I’ll eventually have to). I also did some weights targeting my biceps & chest.
Wednesday: I rested. My Tuesday rehearsals keep me out later than I typically would, so waking up a little later suits me well on this day.
Thursday: 30 minute run followed by 10 minutes on the stair climber. This workout is shorter because of my cramped schedule on Thursday mornings.
Friday: 45 minutes on the bike followed by a back & triceps workout. I found myself a little rushed to get everything done on this particular day, so I may have to shuffle a day or two around.
Saturday: This brick workout is 60 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes running.

I’m keeping my pedaling between 135 and 150 watts pretty consistently, with rpms around 60-65. I don’t actually know what my pulse is at this rate by I’m fairly sure it’s around 130 bpm… roughly double what the rpm’s are, as I hold a pretty good rhythm.

This coming week will be roughly the same, likely with a longer swim, but the following week things jump another 15 minutes on Tuesdays & Saturdays (which are days I don’t work, so they’re ideal for increased efforts).

Tonight, I’ll be playing at Mikey’s on 12th w/ my band Confusionaires, so all y’all in the Calgary area should consider dropping in and stompin’ a couple fresh dents in the dancefloor.