Endurance training, Eagles lyrics, and b-grade running jokes aside, I’ve done more than just a little contemplation about the series of events that got me here. I’ve said before that every event in life has brought you up to this moment, and I believe that, but I also believe that we have a bit of selective memory when it comes to certain events. When you’re “in the thick of it” it can be hard to be objective – and that’s true of everything from running to arguing over who’s turn it is to do the dishes.
I genuinely try to live in the moment, and to fully immerse myself in what I’m doing and experiencing as it happens – I believe this is part of what makes me a proficient performer, and it’s why I want to spend as much time in nature as possible. When your surroundings are important, you tend to make those surroundings the best they can be, and join them as often as possible.
Even though personal reflection is; by definition, NOT living in the moment, I find myself doing that often as well. Like many of us, I’ve blocked out a lot of memories from my younger years that I’m certain are painful, and I think about people in a more positive or negative light than they may deserve. What I know definitively is that the path here has been a difficult one. There have been many mornings spent staring angrily at the scale, questioning my methods, analyzing and overanalyzing, dietary changes, early morning workouts, genuine sadness and self loathing and frustration, moodiness. I’ve spoken to people I love dearly in ways I would never tolerate from anyone, and as much as I owe more apologies than I’ve ever given out, I can say that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.
I’ve said so before, but running is very contemplative for me, and if you’re a runner then you can probably relate. I solve all my problems on the trail, either solo or by bouncing them off my girlfriend & running partner. She does the same, but she’s quick to just stop and say “look around us… look what we’re doing… this is prosperity.” I will always defer to that take. It will always be a valid interruption in my self analysis.
Where am I right now? Objectively?
A little pudgy for my liking (though, you might not even notice), I’ve got some grey hair, and some loose skin… and I’m stronger and more immersed in my family, my art, and my fitness regimen than ever before… and I know how to resolve a lil’ pudge.
I’m in the moment and I love it here… even if I don’t always like it.
If ever I need to understand what it is to be in the moment, I look at my dog. He’ll do some of the most frustrating things ever, like pick up a chicken carcass out of the bushes and hold on for dear life. It’ll take me 10 minutes to wrestle it away from him and as soon as it’s gone, he’s back to being my best friend. If I could learn how to drop my emotional baggage as fast as him, I’d really have something to write about. When I say he’s my karmic instructor, I’m not joking.
Take this post as an encouragement in your life to stop & smell the roses (to exhaust an already tired cliche). It takes less time than you think, and will enhance your life in immeasurable ways.
Training this week has been tough, but I’m tougher. I am handling the long runs well and really rising to the challenge – the trick for me is getting out the door at the right time so that my morning stays successful. The program adjustments I’ve made have helped a lot, and so far I’ve been on top of it and I don’t aim to slip-up, but 4:30am wake-ups can be a tough go.
The biggest obstacle this week was getting a little too much beautiful weather, which knocked me around a little on Monday morning… but I will take it and enjoy it. And… I will (over)do it again.
My trusty girlfriend and running partner works a job that is not always conducive to early morning runs, but she makes it happen whenever she can and I always appreciate the company and perspective. Running solo is not better or worse – just different, and when I run the Edmonton Half Marathon next month, I’ll be doing it solo (in the physical sense) so maybe this is good conditioning.
… all a matter of perspective, I suppose.
The Conscious Pilgrim 