Tag: run

easy does it

“I can actually be stubborn as an ox, when I choose to be – so I imagine it’s time to stop choosing to be.”

There’s nothing quite quite so humbling and self reflective as someone’s uninhibited criticism of you. Even when the emotion is removed, there are nuggets of truth, or at very least nuggets of perception – but even then, someone else’s perception of you is always the truth to them.

If someone is mean to me; especially if it happens on multiple occasions, it’s no stretch for me to conclude that the person in question is mean. The fact that other people love them and can be vulnerable and safe with them doesn’t change my perception. So, when I act the way I act and someone finds it smug or distasteful… well… I am those things.

I know I can’t govern how I’m perceived. I can only control my actions and reactions – so I naturally move forward with a newfound sensitivity to how I might be behaving – at least for a while – and in the meantime I try to create a new habit or a new outlook that is move loving and inclusive. It’s a tall order for an introvert such as myself but there’s no reason why I can’t learn this new behavior as an individual – after all, we as a society do this all the time. There are a lot of words and phrases that we’ve said that are no longer acceptable to say in polite company. We collectively gave our heads a shake and made some improvements.

My issues are more behavioral though. I know I can come on a bit strong and I’m pretty hard to argue with on certain topics – but I can learn to have a little more grace. I can actually be stubborn as an ox, when I choose to be – so I imagine it’s time to stop choosing to be. The last thing I ever want to do is make an enemy out of a friend, or negatively impact someone’s life so badly that they consciously decide to run hard in the opposite direction, not only physically but spiritually.

To carry that guilt would be the absolute worst.

Truth is, I can have a little more grace with myself, too. I honestly get the worst of my own criticism and I’m certain that I’m not the only person who is my own worst critic. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a certain way – the most disciplined, the most hardcore, the smartest, the strongest, the best musician, the most poetic, the most impactful, the most available and the most efficient.

What I have learned recently is that I find things that save me and I envelope myself in them. Veganism. Music. Endurance Sport. Most recently: My Car. These things come to me when I need them most and I throw in hard with them to a point of obsession. I’ve done so negative things as well… junk food… booze… pills… and I have become the worst example of humanity available at the time.

But I still look myself in the mirror and am ultimately grateful for the fucked up weirdo I was, because that fucked up weirdo got me here… and I should go easy on him.

And if I can extend grace to my worst critic… then I can extend grace to anyone.

So… easy does it.

do hard things

“There is an amazing series of events that happens when you identify something you can’t do, and then choose to take it on anyway. there are countless examples of this in all of our lives, because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are good at something, you probably spent some time sucking at it.”

There is an amazing series of events that happens when you identify something you can’t do, and then choose to take it on anyway. there are countless examples of this in all of our lives, because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are good at something, you probably spent some time sucking at it… and for some reason, likely either through the enjoyment of the activity or through identifying the merits of performing such a task.

The example I come to when I think of this is running.

Now, I used to weigh 340lbs and be asthmatic, and if you’ve known me for any real stretch of time then you know that I am by definition, a late bloomer. In other words, running isn’t JUST a thing I ever thought I’d be able to do recreationally – it’s something that I never even wanted to attempt.

Until I did. I literally started running because it’s hard.

I had taken a few small measures to eat cleaner and I dropped a couple pounds and had an infusion of energy – so I opted to put that energy to good use.

It took some serious TIME and MILEAGE to get where I am now, but at this point if I don’t run at least 3km, then I didn’t run at all, because that’s when I start sweating. A 8km – 10km run is a pretty energizing start to the day, and if I want to run the tank dry then I’ll keep going to 14km, maybe more.

That time and mileage is important – it’s where the discipline was adopted and strengthened, because I know just as well as anyone else does – if you want to climb the ziggurat, you must start with the first step. The first step for me was finding a ‘Couch-to-5km’ program on the internet. There are a million of them and they’re all roughly the same, but what programs like this give you is a guided process.

You don’t have to run. You can do something else, but you do have to start.
What you do is up to you, but to stretch yourself beyond what you’re currently capable of doing is always amazing.

When I was obese, asthmatic, depressed… existence was hard. Waking up in the morning was hard. Everything was hard… but I soon concluded (similar to a linchpin line in a cartoon I saw once, stating that ‘when everyone is a superhero, then no one is’) that when everything is hard, then nothing is.

the outliers

“I’m not suppressing emotion when I say this, but I can successfully tune out a lot of the negative criticism. I can do this because I am resonating at a higher frequency than ever before, and I know in my heart that I am right where I am supposed to be – in the moment – in this life – in this time and place, and I learned earlier this year that “you will never find a hater that works harder than you.” “

This lifestyle is surprisingly polarizing. I’ve regularly been misunderstood by my peers and certain members of my family, so it’s not particularly alarming that I still am, to a large degree. I’ve come to accept it, and I’ve come to accept the people who misunderstand me. At this point; however, if anything is alarming it’s people’s reactions to my healthy lifestyle.

Lemme know if this sounds familiar:
– I’ve been not-invited to gatherings because of my dietary regimen.
– I’ve had my sanity questioned by my peers.
– I’ve had people refuse to try things I’ve offered them.
– I’ve had people tell me that what I’m doing goes against human biology.
– I’ve had people tell me what I am doing is not sustainable.
– I’ve been handed all kids of labels from ‘crazy’ to ‘rigid’ to ‘overdoing it’ to ‘exceptional’
– I’ve had people tell me I must be super healthy and protein deficient – almost in the same breath.

None of that bothers me anymore, but I will say that to be openly criticized for what I’m doing, but to turn the question around on the person asking it somehow makes me hypersensitive and insecure. For example, “Where do you get your protein?” is a question I can answer, but when I answer and follow up with “how much protein do YOU get?” – I’m being rude.

I’ve learned how to let all that go, and honestly the fact that I’m seeing results from what I am doing is a big help in avoiding these polarizing questions, but it doesn’t make me any less of an outlier. Vegan as I might be, I’m not super connected to a community of vegans in any tangible sense, nor am I connected to a community of athletes. I’m part of a community of musicians and performers, and I’m a bit of an outlier there, too (though there seems to be a bit of a sobriety movement going on and I’m here for it).

I’m not suppressing emotion when I say this, but I can successfully tune out a lot of the negative criticism. I can do this because I am resonating at a higher frequency than ever before, and I know in my heart that I am right where I am supposed to be – in the moment – in this life – in this time and place, and I learned earlier this year from David Goggins that “you will never find a hater that works harder than you.“

These words alone keep me blissfully uninvolved both as a defender of what I’m doing, and as a potential critic of what someone else is doing – because I very much CAN find myself looking around at the gym from time to time, or on the running trail, assessing my surroundings. That said – the people around you are not to be ignored. Seeing what someone is doing and wanting to work towards it is part of our human nature. It’s bred into us to assess our surroundings and be aware of whether or not we’re safe or in danger – just don’t put yourself in danger of sinking to a lower level of gossip and criticism.

This is an exercise in mental toughness, and like any exercise – you have to start with light weight and build up. Don’t expect sainthood from yourself on day 1, just do a little better, and then do a little better than that.

common ground

“I am a firm believer; however, that we all truly desire the type of discipline it takes to get to something that we perceive to be ‘out of reach.’ “

As much as there are both subtle and not-so-subtle differences between the billions of us that wander around paying for things on this planet there are a few things we all want, need, and deserve.

Without getting into the obvious physical needs like food & water, shelter, love, companionship, and all the things that make the social creatures that we are feel safe, I think we all need, AND want, discipline.

Naturally, none of us enjoy being disciplined by an outside party – we figure that out from a young age, and it’s no stretch of the imagination to conclude that we; as humans, are wired for convenience. Convenience; after all, is what we’ve built the more positive aspects of our civilization on.

We examine each other, and we determine where we belong in some grand pecking order. We see fashionistas and luxury cars and we assume the person who has these things has a level intelligence, status, or privilege before we conduct ourselves according to how those things make us feel – be it jealousy, respect, adoration, frustration, or some other emotion. We might paint a picture of a perfect life in our minds because we can’t picture any other way to attain this status, or we might assume the worst of someone, secretly accusing them of hoarding wealth or manipulating people for their own greed. We might even feel that they deserve these things – but no matter how we feel, we’re wired to react – and for most of us, a sarcastic toned ‘must be nice…‘ enters our minds.

I am a firm believer; however, that we all truly desire the type of discipline it takes to get to something that we perceive to be ‘out of reach.’ We may not all have a burning desire to drive a late model Mercedes and wear designer clothes. I mean, personally I’m not motivated by these specific things, but I wouldn’t pass them up if they became available to me. I feel successful – maybe I’d like to appear that way as well… but I’m driven by other things.

When I ran my first half-marathon in 2022, I did it because it was hard, and out of reach. I built a training program and I stuck to it, and saw success from the discipline required to follow that plan. When race day finally came, it wasn’t an accomplishment at all – it was the icing on the cake. I didn’t want a participation medal, I wanted to be able to run 22kms and I opted to give myself a deadline by which to do it. In other words, I wanted to gain the tools for success and use them.

I’ve written, recorded, and released multiple albums as a songwriter and guitar player in rock & roll bands, and I have a list of records I’ve made that I’d like to outdo. The one I’m about to release is the best in my opinion… but it won’t be long before it’s ‘the one to beat’ because that’s what you do when this is your pursuit. You keep going.

You might not want to run 22 kms straight, but I’m willing to bet that all of us want the kind of discipline it takes. I don’t want to run 22 kms anymore – I’ve done that. I’d like to go a little further.

Now, I’ll be the first to say that running isn’t for everyone. Running wasn’t for me either… until it was. For some people, the half marathon is more of a metaphor for their trajectory at their job, or their artistic endeavors, or just to inject some activity into their lives – but we all want that inspiration to get up and do what’s in us to do, and the discipline to see it through to the next mile marker, whatever it is.

We can all have that.
We just have to start.

Inspiration can get you started, but discipline is what takes over when inspiration fades.

Speaking of trajectory… I’m in the throes of some life adjustments at work that I’m bound to elaborate on in the near future, but I will say that it involves some periodic travel, and that when I am the one arranging my own travel, I’ll be doing so in a slightly different fashion that was done this week.

After setting the clocks ahead an hour last week, I also lost another hour traveling to Winnipeg on Monday, which would have netted me a 3.5 hour slumber on Monday night had I got up to train in the hotel weight room. I did not do that, and slept 5 hours instead (which was still not enough). This is just what it is this week, so I’m not beating myself up about it – just doing what I can when I can.

Spring is in the air but winter is hanging on for dear life. I can almost taste those outdoor running sessions.

getting granular

“I choose to get granular. I know what the bigger picture is for my health journey and I know how it’s going. It’s good to ‘zoom out’ and acknowledge how far you’ve come as a way of encouraging yourself, or rather myself – but fine-tuning your practice and measuring results requires a detailed perspective… that extra couple reps, that extra few minutes of meditation, that faster lap, that extra page of writing, and extra half hour earlier you wake up…”

We’re all doing our best. I have to believe that and this is not the first time I’ve espoused such a notion. Even those people you disagree with that seem to be waiting in the shadows of the internet; ever ready to pounce on your good vibes are doing their best. Their best what? Beats me – but they truly believe they’re making a difference in their world, just as I do, and although I may disagree with the tactics they use and the viewpoint they broadcast, we do have that little shred of commonality.

I know I can’t change those people’s minds, and I know they won’t change mine. I can only change my perception of them, and the method by which I react – and if they have nothing but negative talk for me then I must acknowledge this:

“You will never find a hater that works harder than you” – David Goggins.

As much as David Goggins is liable to record himself reciting the hateful rhetoric of his online critics and listen to them while he works out, (and I am not going to do that) I will say that he has chosen how to react in his way, and I choose how to react in mine.

I choose to get granular. I know what the bigger picture is for my health journey and I know how it’s going. It’s good to ‘zoom out’ and acknowledge how far you’ve come as a way of encouraging yourself, or rather myself – but fine-tuning your practice and measuring results requires a detailed perspective… that extra couple reps, that extra few minutes of meditation, that faster lap, that extra page of writing, and extra half hour earlier you wake up…

I find that the number one criticism I receive; while fully acknowledging that it’s only criticism if I decide I’m being criticized, is people saying ‘that’s too extreme’ or that I should ‘take a break’. What I know now – today – is that I’ll take a break when I deem it appropriate, and that ‘extreme’ is a relative term. I can’t be measured by anyone’s yardstick but my own, and I seek satisfaction in knowing that I’m pushing myself to be better. There’s a more-than-good chance that I’m being encouraged to ingest some sort of chill pill; not because I need one, but because my efforts are making other people question their own discipline, and rather than intensifying their game, they’d prefer to see me de-tensify mine. That’s their struggle, I guess – but it doesn’t have to be mine.

So I’ll tell you right now:
If you want to weigh your food in order to track calories or macros better, do it. If you want to build muscle, do it.
If you want to run longer, do it.
If you want to be more mindful, do it.
If you want to eat cleaner, do it.

The world is full of people who carry their regrets of a misspent youth around with them, but taking action means you can leave those regrets in the rear view.

That means a being better athlete, a better writer, a better singer, a better guitar player, a better friend, a better mentor, a better partner, a better father, a better worker… I might be extreme compared to some people, but certainly not compared to others. For all I know, you could be looking at me thinking I’m not doing enough.

Just try to remember, everyone’s out here doing their best.
Me included.

This week has been solid. I’ve been pushing my speed on the track, and some heavy weights on the bench, and it’s been great. These hard workouts are a means to justify some weekend rest time, because aside from the workouts, I’m in a new position at work now and my brain has been pan-seared by the end of the week, and in need of some artistic expression.

So it’s been 4 intense days, with some calorie cutting and dietary fine-tuning, and some much needed attention to some other matters around the house that will set me up for success in the future.

Once it’s the snow melts and we’re back outside, there’ll be a 5th day for trail running. Can’t wait.

longer days

“We’re not there yet, and thus we can’t live there yet – but this IS a time of preparation and I am ready to enjoy that preparation as well. We live here, in this preparation time, and it’s okay for you to love it. It’s only going to happen once.”

December 21st is the shortest day of the year, and it’s starting to become a little more obvious now that despite brief sucker-punches of bone-chilling weather, spring is coming. I know it’ll be the middle of May before anything really comes close to being dependable in the forecast but seeing that sun come up and stay up a little longer makes me think about what’s to come.

I’m 6 weeks out from a new album release and we have a single being tracked throughout Canada, which means the phone is starting to ring and the inbox is filling up with booking opportunities. Hopefully you’re hearing the new single and seeing it in your algorithm wherever you are… and if you’re not, perhaps you will, and if you don’t perhaps you’ll experience the next single which is due to come out on the 6th of April.

I’m grateful for the still-dark early mornings that remain mine. I only share them with the other early morning gym rats who have no idea who I am outside of that facility and I like it that way. A few people there know I play music but most don’t, and that’s okay. The gym is not a social club, at least not at 6am when I am arriving there.

It’s time to finish up a few projects on my 1962 Ford Fairlane 500 and prepare for the driving season. I aim to maximize my time in the driver’s seat of that car this year, as I’ve got some lost time to make up for with that car. The most special part of that is seeing the hard work I’ve put in over the winter pay off. For all I know at this point, I’ll sell that car this year – I mean, I have no plan to, but I try to stay fluid with these things, and honestly that kind of cash injection could really make a difference in another old car. That all remains to be seen.

All this to say that there are seasons to life, and we’re rounding one out – one that’s hard and busy, and it’s leading us into the spring & summer when the days get longer and we play outdoors, drive cool cars, and enjoy what life has to offer.

We’re not there yet, and thus we can’t live there yet – but this IS a time of preparation and I am ready to enjoy that preparation as well. We live here, in this preparation time, and it’s okay for you to love it. It’s only going to happen once.

room for the miracle

“Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.”

I like to have a plan.

I didn’t always like to have a plan, but then again I didn’t always get everything done that needed doing. In truth, the first positive thing I ever got a grip on was my health, and even then it was a loose grip in the beginning – but slowly & surely I made bigger progress followed by smaller regress… 2 steps forward, 1 step back until I learned enough about myself to optimize things.

It took me the better part of a decade to get done what I set out to do, and the most successful part of that (almost) decade was the fall of 2018 leading all the way through 2019 and into the pandemic. I consistently lost 1-2 lbs for a year & a half.

I’ve also been able to apply the principals of that weight loss to other aspects of my life, everything from home improvement projects to artistic output. I’ll spare a lot of the rhetoric and sum it up: Do the work.

Doing the work is methodical and consistent more than anything, but the work requires rest and periodic analysis, too – and it’s within that rest and analysis that we can take a step back and figure out what’s working and what’s not, and how to make things move more efficiently in the direction we want them to. Now, the term isn’t mine, but the concept of ‘making room for the miracle‘ has been pretty constant in my life as of late. The idea that having a plan is great, and knowing that plans change.

Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.

In the context of songwriting, songs show up in my whenever they please… but if I don’t have a guitar and a pen on hand with some regularity then those moments are sure to be further and fewer between – even less so if I insist on exclusively working on scales and rudiments without allowing for any experimentation. Similarly if I want to develop muscle, I’m going to have to spend some time in the gym – and consider trying a new sport or game. If I want to lose some weight then I’m going to have to put some effort into selecting nutrient dense foods, but it’s bound to be more exciting to try some new recipes.

It’s important to stay consistent without being too precious about the action because it can be easy to lose sight of the goal, in the ‘can’t see the forest when you’re looking at the trees‘ sort of way.

When I did my first vegetable juice fast in 2014, I wasn’t thinking about triathlon, or home ownership, or my musical trajectory – but all of those things were ultimately set in motion at that time.

Training this week, has been exactly as written above. The week started out well, but since I’m out traveling and playing shows from Wednesday to Sunday, working out and running have been challenging. I am doing what I can when I can, and through some measure of magic I’ve been able to do a little more than I’d anticipated.

And ill be back on track in no time.