Tag: time

still runnin’

Hey all,

I think things are becoming more normalized in my life in a “the only constant is change” sort of way. It’s becoming clear to me that; as I reflect on the past in an ongoing exercise to reconcile the future, things were always in flux, always changing. Moments of total chaos followed by a brief reprieve, followed by a mixture of happy and sad events.

They say “if you’re going through Hell, keep going,” and although the horizon sometimes feels like a Hellscape, I’m reminded and comforted by the fact that without bad days, you wouldn’t know what a good day feels like. Silver linings… dark clouds…

I used to write a lot about the 4 food groups – pressure, stress, time, and friction -as a way of ensuring growth and development. All beautiful things are a product of these 4 painful elements of life… it’s how diamonds are formed, it’s how babies are born, and it’s how seeds become flowers. I was on about that quite a bit through the pandemic as I trained for a triathlon and a half-marathon, and the main difference between those bouts of struggle and these bouts of struggle was that I chose those ones, whereas the ones that I’m finding on all sides of me now are not of my choosing.

Or are they?

There’s an inevitability with life that it will end. Grieving will occur and gratefulness for the time spent will come into view eventually. Between now and then, there will be graduations, student loans, stock market fluctuations, mortgage renewals, moving days, tattoo appointments, triathlons, work days, thunderstorms, vehicle payments, computer crashes, gigs, records, trips to the mall, new furniture, declining credit cards, birthdays, holiday weight…

… you get it.

And guess what – we choose the vast majority of it, one way or another. I suppose that’s why our biggest problems and traumas come from the things we didn’t – or wouldn’t – have chosen for ourselves. Nobody chooses their parents… nobody chooses to be held up at gunpoint… nobody chooses to be assaulted… nobody chooses to be gaslit or gossiped about… nobody chooses disordered thinking, or disordered eating, or chronic illness, or anything like that.

But they do choose what to do about it.
And what I know now through both first-hand and second-hand learning,
is that it’s never too late to make a change, and take control of your circumstances.

And so… I keep runnin’… both physically and mentally… literally and figuratively.

discomfort

I don’t know if it’s been a particularly trying time, or if it’s been business as usual and I’m dwelling on things that need not have that level of attention. As I take a step back, it’s business as usual, but what’s unique to this time is the vehicular challenges I’ve been facing.

My faithful Ford Ranger (read: capital R, lower-case ‘anger’) pickup truck died on me a few weeks ago, and through some combination of stubborness and mental and emotional fortitude, I have still not sought the help of any professionals in this field. It’s a problem I want to solve on my own, and I have the skills to do it, but what I lack is the time… so as my neighbors quietly judge me (maybe), I continue to try things, test things, replace things, and audibly swear. For those who care, there’s no spark, and I’m close to having tested and/or replaced the entire ignition system, so I must be close.

The insult that’s been added to that injury is that someone thought it might be a good idea to drill a hole in my gas tank and steal the ingredients. They likely made off with about $20 of my full tank, allowing an additional $75 worth to drain into a nearby manhole, and if my impending gas tank patch job doesn’t work, a $1000 part to order and install. I’d rather they’d have taken my catalytic converter, as is the Edmonton tradition. That’s a problem I can solve on my own.

So in the meantime, I’ve been driving my 1962 Ford Fairlane 500. An absolute gem of a car that I love dearly, but it is a project car, and it’s age is showing in some regards so I’d rather not be leaning on it as hard as I have been lately. It’s my love for that car that has taken time away from fixing my truck.

The icing on the cake is that my mountain bike also needs parts… it’s functional, and a lot of fun to ride, so not really a concern… but still, literally every vehicle I own is in a state of disrepair.

The lesson here is probably patience. Most lessons tend to have patience as; at very least, and undertone. Really, I’m finding that I am too busy and my life is too full to really take the time required to solve required problems. This is something I aim to remedy. My girlfriend and I are making a conscious effort to stop & smell the roses, and really enjoy the summer while it’s here. I’ve certainly earned a lovely tan while running in the early morning sun and working on my old-ass house, my old-ass car, and my truck that is getting older & older-ass as we go, here.

At any rate, if all goes well, I’ll be driving my choice of selections from this small fleet of vehicles by the time this blog entry gets posted. In the midst of it all, I still managed to write an absolute banger of a honky-tonk rock & roll song called ‘one problem at a time‘ which maybe you’ll get to hear sometime next year.

Until next time…