triathlon – The Conscious Pilgrim

indecision

Self-awareness seems to come with age. I recently reminded myself of this, as I my long-time digital companion, my Samsung Galaxy s9 cellular telephone died its forever death… it seems that technology has advanced a bit over the past 7 years since I made my last decision about what kind of phone I want. Prices of these things have also advanced significantly… so in my stubborn way, I found a phone that will do almost everything I want it to, and I paid $156 for it. The remaining couple of things it doesn’t do just weren’t worth another $900 (or more) to me.

However, delving into price and feature comparisons, reviews, and forums to figure out which cheap phone is the best for me is a ridiculous exercise. Comparing companies you’ve never heard of in your life against each other, and peppering in reviews from people who likely expect WAY too much from a cell phone in this day & age is not a hobby I recommend undertaking, especially when hundreds of dollars are potentially on the line, objectively.

One thing I DID know, though, was that once I made a decision, i had to pull the trigger fast. Once a decision is made, and the ‘buy now’ button has been pressed, I know for a fact that I can close countless google chrome tabs, and put the ordeal out of my mind completely, because I won’t be able to do ANYTHING until the device arrives and I put it through the paces.

It might sound really dumb… but it’s a massive sense of relief.
Even though for the moment, I am phoneless… I am not completely unreachable and a solution is being couriered.

I felt a similar relief when I decided not to run the Edmonton half-marathon this year. I mean… I still, might. Nothing’s final until it’s final. But I have resolved to be okay with not running it, because I am prioritizing a more well-rounded fitness regimen.

In other words, I am not training for that specific event.
I am working more towards a tri-sport centric physical goal, and I do not want a finish-line to be a part of the process. I aim to train right into the fall months with a mix of running, biking, and lifting weights, and ading in some swim time when possible (i.e. when I don’t have a fresh tattoo in the healing process, as submerging fresh tattoos is a real good way to get infected). Through next winter, there will also be brick-sessions, which are a segment of cycling followed by a segment of running.

I’ve achieved a lot since I started this journey, and this blog for that matter – and although I ran the half-marathon in 2022 in under 2:15, my favorite training program was for the olympic distance triathlon course that I ran on my 40th birthday.

So… back to basics.

aging

I turn 43 this year.
Actually, I turn 43 this weekend.
Tomorrow.
Star Wars day.

Ultimately I’m good with it. I’m not in the shape I was in when I turned 40 and ran a triathlon, but I am on an upward swing in that regard. I’d love to spend more time in the pool and round out my tri-sport fantasies once again, but the advent of a fresh tattoo about 6 weeks ago, followed by another tattoo appointment this coming week keeps me on dry land. Submerging fresh tattoos is a good way to get an infection. But… That’s okay. Running and biking are filling my early mornings in the same way creative endeavours seem to fill my evenings.

I’m in the early stages of making another great record with The Confusionaires, I have a busy summer ahead of me with festival performances, long runs, sweaty bike rides, rock & roll recording sessions, and a couple of quick trips out of town with the family if fortune smiles down on us before the snow flies again. Summers are so fuckin’ short here.

When my daughter was born, and I was 26 years old, I recall doing the math and determining that I’d be 44 when she turns 18. That’s still true. It’s true every time I check, and the math gets easier each time… that’s a year from now, but it might as well be now. She’s grown up well, and smart, and strong. She has ambition that surpasses me at that age. I’ve very proud of her. She’ll be 17 this summer (obviously) and although she’s not done turning into the person she’s going to be, I can tell that person is going to be awesome. We got matching tattoos last month – an honour I share with no one else, and one I don’t take lightly.

I’m 43 tomorrow. Where does the time go? Well, I know where my 20s and early 30s went. Kinda. They’re hazy and were largely fuelled by intoxicants. Not sure how I lucked my way into finding my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 14 years or so. Like I said… hazy. She’s great, and has either joined me or guided me on several journeys that led both of us to places we’d never imagined… like veganism. She’s just begun a sabbatical of sorts, as she’s between vocations and has found herself with a month off before starting a new job. Having her around is pretty great. I think I’ll keep her for another 14 years.

I don’t know where this leads.
Wherever it’s supposed to, I guess.
But wherever that is, I hope they allow dogs.

nature boy

I like to run. It fills me up.

I’ve been going for a few years now and it’s brought so much joy into my life – not only to run – but to run outside. At this stage of the game, climate notwithstanding, if I can’t run outside then there’s little point to running at all. So I run outside, even when the weather sucks, and I haven’t run less than 5km this year. Typically I shoot for 10 or more kilometers but there’s been a few 8km loops since that takes me around an hour.

This can take a round of of my legs, meaning I only really get to do it 3 days a week… which makes me want to go even longer. I typically do between 20 & 35km per week and that’s slowly turning into 25-40km.

So, in conjunction with the old half-marathon training program I’ve been revisiting, I’m also revisiting the old triathlon training program… and getting on my bike – again, generally a rain-or-shine outdoor activity. It allows me to destroy the other parts of my legs that running doesn’t kill.

I’ll get back to swimming eventually, too.

The key here, is being outside.
I’m not a fan of running on an indoor track, though I’ll do it. Same goes for stationary bikes. I hate treadmills.

The spiritual connection to nature I feel when I’m pushing myself to exhaustion and delirium while being immersed is addictive. I don’t have to be on the edge of exhaustion to enjoy nature, or to feel that connection, but there’s something magical that happens when you’ve depleted yourself and poured out all of your energy, all of your emotion, all of your sweat, all of your stress and cuss-words and anxiety and frustration until you’re completely empty and ready to be refilled by the hand of God, and just then the hand of God arrives and gives you music and poetry and breath.

I’ve tried my share of man-made things to help me feel this euphoric, but our species just doesn’t have the tech to make this happen without also killing us simultaneously… and our species also can’t beat the price.

Nature is all around us.
Nature is us.
And one of the most short-sighted things we ever did was decide to view ourselves as separate from nature.
If we saw ourselves as the extension of nature that we are, we’d behave much more differently to each other and to our environment.

finding the edges

As I round out the first couple of months of 2023, I am ultimately content with my progress as it pertains to physical fitness (despite some inevitable frustration with the speed of that progress, but hey!). The reason I am content with my progress is because it IS progress, and in order to feel the way I want to feel, I need to be pushing forward.

I’m not opposed to rest & recovery. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about personal challenges within my vocation. I’m talking about writing better, lifting heavier, playing guitar more proficiently, helping my contemporaries at work to deal with challenging situations and learning from them. I’m at my best when I’m actively engaged in what I am doing and who I am with, and I wager that you’re no different.

I’ve learned that nobody wants to see a ‘pretty good’ rock & roll band, they want to see a great rock & roll band – a truly exceptional rock & roll band, for that matter. In the same way, my girlfriend doesn’t want to have a conversation with me when I am distracted by a TV show or a social media post; not when she could have an honest, engaging discussion with me – she wants to be reminded that she’s more important than whatever content I am consuming.

It’s too easy to live a life of leisure; to enjoy the fruits of your labor without any plan to return to work. As humans, we’re predisposed to this, likely due to some evolutionary trait that permitted us to be content with a certain set of comfortable circumstances. Personally; and I know this is common to many people – I’m happy as a clam being on vacation, but there IS a point at which lazing about reaches it’s limit, and the need to accomplish something kicks in. This is why I’ve gradually fallen in love with making a plan. “Finding the edges” is a crucial part of this, because we need to know what the limitations of our capabilities are, particularly if we’re going to push or stretch them and avoid complacency.

Complacency is what happens when we stop rising to meet new challenges and succumb to the comforts of life. We accept the reality with which we’re presented and have a hard time seeing beyond it because we’ve stopped looking. For many people, this is retirement, but for most of us it means giving in to a lifestyle that isn’t necessarily easy, but that we’ve decided we’re okay navigating. This might look like a paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle… it might look like retirement… or it might look like sleeping in a ravine in a makeshift tent and spending your day scheming to get a fix to numb your pain.

We all share this humanity, and some compassion is required in order to navigate these waters… but maybe that’s a post for another day.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Plans change. They can change and they will change – and it’s only when there is no plan that change is particularly hard or uncomfortable.

Training this week has been reasonably solid. My work schedule has changed a bit, and with the advent of subscribing to a Monday-Friday work schedule for the first time in over a decade, a few regularly occurring things on the calendar have been shuffled out of necessity.

If anything, my workouts are longer somehow. Monday (which I took off this week w/ the Family Day long weekend), as well as Thursday and Saturday are long endurance days. A solid 60 – 75 minutes of running. Tuesday and Friday are weight lifting days, as they historically have been, but with an endurance component as well, which is divvied up between the stair-climber, the stationary bike, the rowing machine, and the tank. Wednesday & Sunday are rest days.

I’m also making an effort to spend some time stretching and doing some isolated core work on a gym mat at the end of each of the 5 sessions. I’m sure I will reap the rewards of that in time, but for the moment I’m just trying to make sure I get it done.

This should get me into outdoor running season, but things are constantly changing and fine-tuning. It’s a process.

living in the future: permission to dream

“Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.”

As a supplementary post to last week’s post about living in the past, I thought it’d be nice to give myself permission to dream.

New Years is one of those times that is so marked with tradition that we tend to be able to recall previous years with ease, but our thoughts tend to trend toward the idea that “this year will be different” and – well, of course it will be.

Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.

The gyms will be fraught with new enrollment, and sadly attendance will taper off gradually over the next couple of months. Cigarette and booze sales will decline for a bit, but only for a bit. I’m not speaking this over anyone, so much as observing a pattern.

It’s a hard time of year… But…

Dreaming is allowed. I encourage you to not only dream, but to sort out what the steps are to get there. I promise you that you’re not going to just wake up one day and run a marathon – not without paying for it in one way or another – but if that’s a dream, you can certainly realize it if you put a plan together.

I sincerely hope to see people make the best of their time and really set themselves in motion.

Training this week has been a bit lighter. We took a few days to chill but by Thursday and Friday it was time get get into Zone 2 and start lifting weights. Saturday was a Zone 2 bike/run for an hour – and tonight I play a New Years Eve show at The Black Dog in Edmonton and I’m happy to be fresh for that.

The new year is here… and the plan; for me, is to throw down hard. My music, my job, and my workout regimen won’t even see me coming. The restful holiday time spent gathering with loved ones and reminiscing are over; and frankly, I’ve got some serious shit to do. I’ve got a new record coming out in April, the pre-orders for which will formally be open in a couple of weeks, and I’ve got work to do on that front as well as booking shows, and writing songs for the next one. I’ve got some fitness goals that need some attention that will require me to squeeze every ounce out of my current 6.5-7.0 hours per week I spend training… and… did I mention I also have a job and a family?

I’m not concerned about time constraints. I get up pretty early, so a lot of what I need to take care of gets taken care of before most people are awake – the primary concern is effort and efficiency.

I don’t expect anyone to do what I do to the degree to which I do it… but I hope people push their limits and achieve their goals. I love seeing that.

Between a conscious decision to take it easy this week, which I made back at the beginning of November, and an emergency tooth extraction and a round of antibiotics – I gotta say it feels really good to be back at it in the gym this week. I started back in on Thursday with 90 minutes of endurance / Zone 2 training and Friday with a 45 minutes of cycling and a 45 minute weight workout that consisted primarily of compound exercises – I wanted to hit all my muscle groups since it had been a spell without any serious lifting.

As this is being posted, I’m likely out the door and spending the morning of New Years Eve doing a bike/run with my girlfriend, easily the best way to start the new year. I’m disinclined to really punish myself because I’ve got a long night ahead of me, as my band Confusionaires is performing at The Black Dog in Edmonton tonight.

January is a busy month for me as a performer, and has historically been so. You wouldn’t think it would be that way, but I’ll be traversing this frozen province a couple times before the end of the month, both with Confusionaires and with Robin Kelly, and Elvis Presley tribute artist I play guitar with.

Happy New Year Everyone!

living in the past: permission to reminisce

“It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.”

Permission to reminisce has been granted. This time of rich tradition seemingly falls on everyone, even those who have no traditional ties left. Even the folks who go sit in movie theatres on Christmas Day tend to do so in a religious fashion.

It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.

Thoughts often go to lost loved ones, lost pets, lost friendships, and general loss this time of year as we peruse old photo albums and trim Christmas trees with the antiquated knickknacks of yesteryear. Facebook memories tend to be an unforgiving mistress as well, but there’s a lot of joy to be had building those positive memories for the future as well.

I often have to remind myself to be patient with the people around me as I inevitably sort through old trauma, old habits, over-eating, and genuine irritation with large gatherings of people since introversion is not a thing I’ve been able to address as proactively as I’d like. Maybe I’m okay with being introverted even though this year might be special in regards to gatherings, since this holiday is likely to be charged with making up for the past 2 Christmases, too.

My ever-changing role as a father and co-head of a household in the midst of unfavorable weather is a little different every year. As I allow myself to think back on the past year I’ve really changed a lot – my relationship with my employer has changed as much as my relationship with my environment has – both for the better, I reckon. My relationship with money has changed, my relationship with my girlfriend and my child are ever-changing and evolving as we age and mature – all three of us.

I can’t be certain of what will happen this year because I could never have anticipated what would have happened in the past calendar year but I must greet every opportunity and challenge with open arms – not only for my own development, but because I have people counting on me to do so, and I have people watching my example. Those opportunities and challenges are coming regardless – why not welcome them? Besides, the fact that people are counting on me and watching me doesn’t add the type of pressure you might think it does – but I’ve learned that when you think nobody is watching, you’re wrong.

I digress. There’s a power that comes about in this season. A generational power that shows up and tells you where you came from – it can build an immense sense of authority over your future, or a sense of inadequacy – this is 100% based on your perspective, and my hope for you is that you run with it.

Whatever you’re doing and whatever you’re planning, I hope fortune finds you in this tumultuous-yet-magical time of year. Merry Christmas to all of y’all.

Training this week has been tough, mainly due to frigid temperatures and early mornings, but I brought my A-game. Monday morning was a punishing 90 minute workout consisting of 45 minutes of cycling and 45 minutes of chest & biceps work. Tuesday featured some at-home calisthenics, and after a dental procedure on Wednesday and a prescription for pain killers and antibiotics, the rest of the week became an impromptu rest time.

Next week is a little lighter by design. In the spirit of the season, we’ll be allowing for a bit of rest & recovery for a few days, but by Thursday we’ll be hitting it hard again.

the finest print

“… that small decluttering of our periphery has allowed for a more concentrated focus on the tasks at hand – which are very exciting.”

Alignment. Personal alignment of mind body and spirit – that’s the daily goal and the eternal pursuit.

I’ve been finding that; although I feel completely aligned in the broad sense of the term, there are always some days that are just better than others – and the less good days need to be given the respect they deserve. Without those (relatively speaking) down days, we wouldn’t knw that the good days are.

Lately I’ve been feeling really good – like it’s all laid out in front of me. It’s as though my list of priorities are all getting the amount of time and attention they need right now and it’s inspiring all on it’s own. My girlfriend and I have been focused; somewhat peripherally, on a project that we’ve elected to put on the back burner for the time being. The reason for that is that we’ve both come to our own similar, yet separate, conclusions that this particular project hasn’t been serving us the way it should if it’s to become a priority.

Our two independent, yet same realizations have allowed us to realize that we were becoming a bit distracted with the project – and that distraction was only taking a small measure of time and energy away from our main priority right now – which is my band, Confusionaires. It wasn’t a massive distraction, but it was a distraction nonetheless – and that really only means it’s a distraction now.

A lot of ideas don’t take flight because of poor timing, and I can chock this idea up to that pretty easily. Frankly, the idea of following through on that idea later, rather than sooner, is just exciting.

In the meantime, that small decluttering of our periphery has allowed for a more concentrated focus on the tasks at hand – which are very exciting. I’ve got a new record coming out in 2023 – it’s a record that the band is really excited about, and I truly believe it’s a high water mark for all of us. It’s also going to have the best launch campaign budget of any album I’ve been a part of.

It’s a lesson; among many, about living in the moment and attracting more of what you are, rather than what you want.

This post is entitled ‘the finest print’ partly in reference to a Tom Waits quote I’ve always appreciated: “The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away” which is among other things, a statement about keeping your wits about you. When your body, mind & spirit, are in alignment you’re aware of the small print without incident, and the broad scope view of everything is just as detailed as the microscope view.

If I have any words of encouragement on this subject, it’s to trust yourself and trust your process.

Training this week has been good, but taxing. My increased efforts are certainly being felt, and my diligence in fueling myself needs to be executed with precision. This became painfully obvious to me on Wednesday.

Typically, on the days I’m at work, following my program is simple. I can only eat the food I brought and I eat it at prescribed times through the day. But on Wednesday when I was summoned to pick up my sick kid from school mid-day, I forgot to eat mid-day. All of a sudden it was 6:30 and I was in a poor state from not eating, but I couldn’t really even figure out why. I ate a meal and had a very difficult time stopping eating after that – the old food addict tendencies had kicked back in with force and I’m fortunate that there isn’t much junk food in my house.

But I have to move forward.

Monday‘s swim was great – a full kilometer in roughly 45 minutes, which is a time I can be happy with after years of fear of the deep end of the pool.
Tuesday I pedaled for 60 minutes and worked my chest and biceps hard.
Wednesday was a rest day, but Thursday became a rest day inadvertently as well. My dog got me up at 2:30 to go out and I just couldn’t get back to sleep, so when my alarm went off at 4:30am I got out of bed and tried to make a go of my usual morning, but it just couldn’t happen. I have to be ok with the fact that I went back to bed.
Friday was 45 minutes on the bike and a back & triceps workout, and Saturday is set to be a 60 minute bike ride and a 15 minute run. This week I flipped those two in the interest of saving time… I’m not sure it worked though.

All things considered, I feel like I’ve moved past the Wednesday eating hiccup and the missed training session on Thursday pretty well. I have to strive to not have these things happen, but I also have to know I can get past them, and the sooner I get past those bumps in the road, the more I can live in this moment – and this moment is pretty great.