Tag: art

don’t sell yourself short

I’ve been selling myself short for most of my life. You probably have, too, but I can’t speak to that other than to say that as a species, we seem to have a tendency to resign ourselves to our own misery, and as cheap compensation, we give ourselves a dopamine hit as frequently as possible.

I’m certainly guilty of this despite my propensity to ‘do hard things’ but for me there has historically been some disconnect between physically doing hard things that are maybe kinda scary, and doing hard things on a spiritually-fulfilling level, like saying no to shitty gigs, or being confident.

A few years ago, I cleaned up my act. I started giving my body the nutrition it needs to thrive and stopped numbing myself to life, and a crazy thing happened. I felt young. That’s not a tangible thing as I type it, but the only way I can explain it is to say that I removed the things in my life that were holding me back the most, and I started to become more energetic and vital.

Energy and vitality weren’t the only things that came back though… the dreams I had as a young teenager came back – those pie in the sky things that I’d eventually talked myself out of over the years came back, and I had the energy to prioritize them, and believe them, and chase them in a way that was impossible 25 years ago.

Nothing happens overnight, but I just returned from an international tour with my band, and our next move is to play the 2 Canadian dates with legit Psychobilly legends The Nekromantix next weekend, before we play with Luke Doucet’s (Whitehorse, Sarah Mclachlan) old band VEAL and play a handful of festival shows. Confusionaires are now booking into 2025.

This is all very small compared to where I see it going, but a few years ago it wouldn’t have only been unattainable for me, but I also would have had a massive chip on my shoulder about someone else having these opportunities.

I feel optimistic.
I feel love.

Thanks for sharing in my joy this morning.

you are the one

I like to run, and I like to run long. I can do a 30-45 minute jog and feel okay about it, satisfied that I did what needed doing… but if I can get 90 minutes or more, then I’m happy.

Sometimes I run in total silence… these runs help me finish songs or solve vintage automobile problems, often because my headphones are dead.
Most times, I run with podcasts or audiobooks. Anything from Ernest Hemingway to David Goggins… Rich Roll, Andrew Huberman, et al. A lot of endurance athletes cut with philosophy, or science, 12-step, and the occasional novel to keep my brain in motion.

I invite and allow these things to speak wisdom and creativity into my life.

The recurring message I’ve been receiving as of late is “you are the one you’ve been waiting for.” I’ve taken to doing hard things as a physical challenge for some years now, but a couple months ago I decided to gamble on myself in a much more vulnerable way – with my art.

I booked my band (Confusionaires) into a theatre that would potentially put us in front of one of the biggest (indoor) audiences we’ve ever played for if we sold it out. Beyond that, the theatre organization didn’t book us…I booked us. I rented the room, and then proceeded to jump through every hoop in order to make the show happen. Then… as if that wasn’t enough, I did the same in 2 other smaller theatres.

A week before the shows, I got a ticket count from all 3 venue box offices, and found out that we’d moved enough tickets in presale that all my expenses were covered and then some. This alleviated a pile stress that I didn’t even realize I was carrying. I was never concerned with selling those venues out to capacity – but I thought it’d be nice if we made enough to (a) cover our expenses, and (b) help fund out tour in Mexico the following month. That’s the tour I’m on right now as this is being posted.

I rolled the dice on myself and I won. Nobody swooped in to save me because that wasn’t an option. Sure, I would have recovered from the financial setback eventually, but that’s not the point. The point is that I set out to break new ground, and I did – and in so doing I’ve elevated the status of The Confusionaires beyond where we’d previously been. We’ve established our value as an artistic entity of value, and I couldn’t e more proud – not only of myself for pushing my own envelope – but to my boys Jayson & Adam for delivering a show worthy of the ticket price we were asking for.

Some really great things are coming for this band and I’m excited to share them as they get closer to their reveal date.

I am the one I was waiting for.