Tag: goals

whatever you want

I have it pretty good.

I don’t take that for granted. I understand that outwardly, I’ve got a really great life. Middle management support role for a big company that works with things I’ve very interested in, a great house, a great family, a killer rock & roll band that people care about… I drive a cool car… I’m in good shape… I’m 43 years old and on zero medications…

I take none of this for granted because I’ve worked very hard to have all of it.

What if it was all gone tomorrow?

I’m no stranger to the notion; or rather, the assumption that “we’re all just a couple paychecks away from homeless” and the privilege-check we’re all constantly called to do.

But I’m really not a couple paychecks away from homeless.

I mean sure, misfortune could befall me and my family. My life could fall apart in biblical fashion the likes of which have only been alluded to in the Book of Job… but in the end I’ve concocted a combination of skill and fortitude that have set me on a track of progress. I have come from nothing and built what I have, and I can start from nothing and build what I have again.

What nobody wants to tell you anymore is that you can do whatever you want.

Nobody will stop you. They might not help you, but it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll get in your way. And this… is how I know I’m not done. I haven’t written my book yet, and there’s always one more rock & roll record in me to make… the only thing I don’t have is a short-cut.

I read somewhere; multiple places, really, that you need to be happy where you are in order to move forward. That used to sound contradictory to me because if I was happy where I was, I would stay in that place… but no, that’s not true. I actually am very happy where I am because where I am is in a constant state of growth and evolution.

I love being in a state of change for the better… and if I can stay in this growth mindset then I will never be in the same spot again, and I am happy with that.

Whatever you want.
You can do whatever you want.

father to the thought

There’s an old saying; maybe it’s a proverb, “The wish is father to the thought” that crosses my mind sometimes. Particularly around this time of year when people talk about ‘Christmas wishes’ and ‘New Years Resolutions’ – neither of which mean much to me, personally. I’ve written a few times over the years about how September is the beginning of the year for me (and I think most people) but for anyone new to this corner of the internet, I’ll sum it up by saying “I’m a big fan of making changes when they need to be made… rather than waiting for some special day on the calendar” though I’ll concede that some dates are special.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life wishing things were better while doing precisely nothing about it and wondering why things weren’t getting better despite my lack of effort. Then at 37 years old I started putting one foot in front of the other, resulting in losing 166 lbs, starting this blog, and taking my art seriously, and just generally doing a good job – even when doing things I hated. These things all resulted in a better and more fruitful life – but they also resulted in an adjustment of my sights, which made for more wishing… which made for more thoughtful execution.

So, I still wish for things. I just have better follow-through now.

I’ve developed a plan for things that I’m reluctant to talk about at this time, but I’ve taken on a long-term goal-oriented project that I’m creating the time for in my life. I’ll admit that it’s an artistic goal, and that I’ve been laying the groundwork for it for some time now, by way of proliferating artworks and other songs “ahead of a schedule.” When I say “ahead of schedule” I mean that there’s a certain timeline-oriented expectation for creative works with my rock & roll band, and due to our own efficient execution of things, we’re in a position where we can take on this ‘side quest‘ (for lack of a better term).

It’s something we’ve been talking about as a band for some time, and we’re putting it into motion now. It’s exciting, but it probably won’t see the light of day for a couple years.

But… it started with a wish.
And it developed into a pie-in-the-sky dream that we’re determined to see come to fruition.

I genuinely hope you still have wishes, and that you can muster up the gumption to make them happen. Following your dreams, no matter how big or small they might be, is a full-time commitment and a ton of work – and for most of us, it tends to have to happen in the off-hours when you’re burnt out from working too much, when you haven’t slept well, and you’re poorly nourished. it’s a true exercise in fortitude but nobody is going to do it for you.

It’s hard, and anyone who tells you it’s not hard is trying to sell you something.

So, I hope you don’t wait for it to happen – coax it out and help it along, and it will repay you with the energy you need to keep going.

i brought cookies

Sometimes I write these entries a little ahead of time in the interest of staying consistent, but this actually happened yesterday.

Dialing it back about 2 weeks, I had a woman at the gym come up to me on the stationary bike as I was grinding myself into a fine paste, and ask me “why don’t you run anymore?” I said I do, just less, and that I’ve been focusing on a well-rounded weight routine blah blah blah it doesn’t matter. She was relieved that I didn’t say I was injured and said that she – an early morning walker, who maintains a fair clip if I’m being honest – couldn’t handle the cardio of running and wished she could run. (I think she totally could)

The next day, I ran. It was hard, because I’ve been running a lot less – but these things come back fast. I ran for an hour, which was great, and felt even better because she wasn’t there, so there was no ego involved on my part, I just ran and it was hard and I loved it. Needless to say, I’ve been getting back into running since then.

Her simple question and my willingness to sit there on that stationary bike for another 45 minutes thinking about it melded together into some gumption.

Yesterday, she brought cookies. She loudly announced it to me as I was – yes, running – by her on the track, loud enough to overcome the volume of my ear buds and hers. One of my earbuds doesn’t hold a charge, so my audiobook was only coming in one side of my head and I found her raised voice endearing and amusing. The cookies that I didn’t partake in due to the presence of butter and eggs were in celebration of her 1000th kilometer on that indoor track, but the cookies were not the point.

I’m glad to know of her accomplishment and I’m happy to congratulate her on it. I think we keep these milestones to ourselves far too often.

I know I do.

you’re crazy

“As much as I try to stay stoic and live my life for me, according to my own code of ethics and moral compass, there are people around who still seem to concern themselves with what I’m doing and how I’m doing it…”

Not to put too fine of a point on it, but every good decision I’ve ever made in my life has been the subject of some scrutiny, whereas the more questionable decisions I’ve made have never been brought up… Weird, right?

My first, second, and third juice fasts back in 2014: You’re crazy
Weighing and measuring everything I eat: You’re crazy
My obese self doing a couch-to-5k program: You’re crazy
Losing 166 lbs: You’re crazy
Going vegan: You’re crazy
Training for a triathlon: You’re crazy
Training for half marathon: You’re crazy
Taking my writing and art more seriously into my 40s: You’re crazy

As much as I try to stay stoic and live my life for me, according to my own code of ethics and moral compass, there are people around who still seem to concern themselves with what I’m doing and how I’m doing it – but in truth I’m learning that if those people on the periphery think I’m crazy, then one of two things is true:
1) I actually am crazy
2) The proclamation that I’m crazy should be taken as affirmation.
… perhaps both.

I know I shouldn’t let these things bother me, but I also know that’s not always as easy to do as it is to say. Sometimes the critics sneak one past the goalie, and I have to acknowledge it and move past it. Ignoring it just means I’ll have to face it later, but I’d rather address it and properly dismiss that kind of criticism.

Now, I don’t mean to self-aggrandize, and I am not aiming to be melodramatic, either. That list of crazy stuff I’ve done is (a) not complete, and (b) not a list of things that happened overnight. It took years for me to get where I am and it’s going to take the rest of my life for me to get where I am going – but we need to live here & now, in this moment. That means I need to do what’s best for me today, and if taking action like that is so uncommon that it needs to be labelled ‘crazy…‘

… then I’ll take crazy any day of the week.

On a deeper level, I believe we label what we can’t understand, and that those labels become limitations. Using the aforementioned scenario as an example, some people have labeled my lifestyle as ‘crazy’ and thus have provided themselves with an excuse to never try it. They don’t have to understand it because they have filed it away under ‘do not attempt.’ I do a pretty good job of not letting things like this eat away at me, because I truly love where I’m at, and if someone chooses to take issue with what I’m doing, it’s their issue to resolve. Suppressing myself is disrespectful because we honor each other by offering the best of ourselves.

Chances are pretty good that if you’ve stumbled across this blog and this resonates with you, then you’re going through some changes and adaptations as well – so I’ll take opportunity to say that so long as you’re making yourself better and you’re not hurting anyone: you’re not crazy. You’re awesome.

Training this week has been really great. We’re a month out from race day and I’m feeling really strong and really prosperous. Prosperity has been a big word in our house as of late, so I’m not taking that one lightly.

Training in the river valley trails is pure magic. The hills and terrain have been their own challenge, and I believe it’s preparing me for this largely flat-land, paved race and giving me the edge and the confidence I need to make a solid go of it. I’m excited to rise to this challenge and I’m excited that there will still be a few months of solid outdoor running weather after this challenge is met. I’m making plans to stay in a state of progress beyond this half-marathon.

My band Confusionaires plays at the Taste Of Edmonton festival on Monday night. If you’re in the Edmonton area, aim to be there by 8:30pm. It’s free to attend.