suffering from righteousness

I don’t get into worldly politics on here much, and I’m not going to start now for the simple fact that these are subject far too broad and far too deep to chock up to left vs right. That said, I’m sure you can gather from the hippy-dippy undertones of what I like to write about, in tandem with my arts background, penchant for animal rights, and various other indicators that my preferences lie more on the side what’s best for the group rather than what’s best for the individual.

That said, we can all be greedy. Greed may be one of the few things you can really count on in this day & age, because when someone is greedy, they are somewhat predictable.

When a war is declared over resource… oil, for example – we can anticipate that the aggressor is going to be very careful in their attack, in an effort to not destroy what they are after. Therefor, there are safe places for vulnerable people to seek refuge – near the refineries and storage facilities, in this case. Once the prize has been won, the aggressor will leave, and the affected country will rebuild. It may not seem like it, but these sorts of engagements have rules, and breaking those rules has repercussions.

A holy war, however… a war based in some perceived moral superiority, wherein the aggressor seeks to impose a genocide on an entire group of people over a difference of faith is another thing entirely. No one is safe, and no care is taken – if the goal is to wipe an entire demographic off the face of the planet, then there is no calculable loss to be concerned with. This is true terror.

There are examples of both throughout the ages, and we tend to downplay our own historical misgivings while pointing the finger at others. Nobody alive remembers the Napoleonic Wars, or the Crusades – both of which were brutal and long, and both of which have been given names that sound a lot nicer than they would have been to experience, as opposed to… say; The Holocaust.

War is an extreme case though, isn’t it?

On a more granular level we have people we know, who are not really in powerful enough positions to exact war on anyone else, but there are haters and there are abusers, and scaled down, their motivations are the same… and we see low-level efforts of both all around us.

Right now we’re witnessing our own families and friend groups engage in a form of nationalism as we shop Canadian to avoid paying unnecessary taxes to an overreaching foreign government. This isn’t a thing we should do out of spite, but a thing we should do in the spirit of support – something we should have been doing before, but now we have stronger reasons to do so. But I believe that the cause of our motivation matters. It’s important to remember that there are people on the other side of that international border who are hurting, and that although we can’t necessarily do anything to alleviate that hurt, that is who is over there.

There is no moral superiority.
We have all the same bullshit here as they do there.
And while we’re concerned with what their government is doing – a government that we can’t vote for or against, and have no say over what they do – we have our own governing bodies, and we should be concerned with what they are doing while we’re distracted by what’s going on over the fence.

That goes for an even closer-to-home look at things, as well. there are people in my own family whom I completely disagree with as far as lifestyle, initiative, what decisions they’re making. It’s easy for me to label them – and I often do – and it’s easy for me to write them off – and I often do – but hate and exploitation are pretty far off in the distance from where I am right now.

If they were to actually put forth an effort into improving their situation, I would help them.

The only thing holding me back is the notion that I cannot do it for them… and to force my ideals of what should and shouldn’t be is no better than condemning them for not doing things my way.

I guess what we’re talking about here, is grace.

fatigue

I’m not sure that the general populous of the human race in 2025 even knows how to rest. With the general onslaught of information; this blog notwithstanding, there is a constant need to decipher misinformation and half-truths that; if we’re lucky, is only peppered in between bouts of 9-5 work and/or hustle-culture gigs, child-rearing, school, hopefully an exercise regimen and ideally some food prep… and any number of other things.

Personally, and as ignorant as it may seem, I unfollowed and blocked frequent posters of American politics. As a Canadian, American politics are foreign, and thus are not something I can (a) contribute to, (b) vote in, or (c) control the outcome of in ny way. Provincial and national politics are my business, but a lot of that gets filtered out because many Canadians don’t seem to realize that there’s a difference between American and Canadian politics, or are at least impassioned about both (most with a level of futility).

I can get into that more, but I probably won’t.

Most of us think we are slaves to the algorithm in some measure or other, but just as much as ‘liking’ posts influences what you will see later, so does indicating what is not of interest by way of hitting the X in the top right corner of a facebook post, or clicking ‘not interested’ under the ‘3 dots’ in the top right corner of a Threads post.

I won’t say that this has quelled my phone addiction, but it’s certainly tamed it.

Beyond that, I wear a Garmin Forerunner that tells me how well I sleep on a scale of 1 to 100. I don’t think I’ve ever crested 83, and I’ve gone as low as 65 which will make for a fairly sub-standard effort through my day. I generally get about 7 hours per night between 10pm and 5am with a 90-minute workout.

I’m by no measure a professional when it comes to proper rest and recuperation, but I have made improvements in my life. Future goals include (a) drinking enough water, and (b) amplifying my workout regimen.

I just try to do a little better as I go.

I hope you do, too.

just lucky

I’m aware of my privilege… more and more all the time. In the past few years I’ve managed to reach the age where this whole fragile and flawed system by which we live is set up for me to succeed – at least as much as is possible in the wake of unsustainable financial devastation left for us by our boomer ancestors.

I live in a nice little house in an up-&-coming area of town, I have a partner I scarcely deserve for a myriad of reasons, and a well-mannered and intelligent teenage kid who is turning into a very thoughtful and smart adult. I drive a good vehicle. I have a vintage hobby car and a stable full of excellent guitars. I write rock & roll songs and I record and perform them with some very talented musicians, and I get paid more handsomely than ever before to do that. Sure, I have a day job, but it’s a very good one, where I am treated well and have influence. I supervise some very cool people, and we make each other’s lives easier whenever possible. Things will continue to get better and better.

I guess this is optimism.

As this gets posted, I’m actually in the middle of a 3-day mini-tour of Southern Alberta. We played Calgary on Thursday, and Castle Mountain Ski Resort last night, and today we’re en route to Lethbridge before heading home on Sunday. We’ll be heading home with money in our pockets, and we’ll begin making a new record when we get there.

Once upon a time I fantasized about this life. A recent phone conversation with an old friend reminded me of that… which reminds me, I should call him again.

I’m truly grateful for what I have and where it’s going.
If everything halted in it’s tracks and this is exactly what my life was until I died, I would be content. This is what it is to be happy, I think. I once heard someone say “the only joy you find on the summit of Mount Everest is the joy you bring with you” and I believe this to be true.

To illustrate that point, I deal with a ton of bullshit every day at work, every time I turn around I feel like I’m handing someone else hundreds of dollars, my personal time is precious and fleeting at best. Corporations and family members alike are bleeding me dry and I don’t sleep enough. When something comes up, my early morning routine and my finely tuned diet are the first things to go, which results in me feeling fat and unhealthy during times when I need the opposite to be true. I spend too much time in hotel rooms. I work long hours…

… you get the picture. This is called realism.

Even so, I’m so aware of the great things happening in my life that none of those complaints hold any real weight. I realize this is a choice I’ve made. Happiness is a choice, and reminding ourselves of the positive perspective that we’re allowed to have is a choice.

Realism & Optimism. Why do we think about these words in contrast? Why is the ‘realistic’ view such a negative way of looking at things when the great things we have in our lives can easily be identified as ‘real’?

I don’t think we need to be all pollyanna about everything, necessarily, but the notion that ‘where your treasure is, your heart will also be‘ becomes a pretty strong statement when people constantly dwell on the negative. Our treasure is our focus – so if we focus on the darkness, we can expect our hearts to go dark as well. It’s for this reason that goal-oriented people tend to be magnetic and inspiring.

The time for hibernation and doom-scrolling will be over soon.
We’ll be able to go outside and feel the sun again.

best years

I’m not sue if it’s because I think a lot, or because I’m approaching what most people consider to be mid-life (though I’m planning on living a long & healthy life, the length of which I shouldn’t be half way through yet) but I lend a bit of thought to when a person might ‘peak.’

Even as I write this, that feels like damning language, but it’s fair to say that once you reach a certain age, you won’t be able to perform to the same level as you once could. Typically this notion is cast upon athletes, which is something I can consider myself now (though not professional by any measure) but as years go by it gets cast over musicians and performers; as well, not being able to sing or perform to the level they could in their ‘prime.’

It’s most startling in athletes though. The thought that someone’s athletic potential in a given sport could come & go before the age of 25 years old (and that’s generous in some sports) is a hard thing to hear for me – someone who is a staunch late-bloomer in a number of ways. To spend the latter 3/4 of a century in the shadow of a mountain you once climbed is a dangerous existence, fraught with high-risk decisions making, if one does not re-examine their sights and focus on a new goal. There are too many cliche examples to mention.

Suffice to say, I couldn’t be happier to have become the late-bloomer I am. Being in my 40s and taking my creative career more seriously than ever has it’s daunting moments, for sure, but it beats the shit out of burning out early. A few years ago, I decided that I’m not finished doing what I do, and quite honestly I’ve been writing my best and most important lyrics ever since, and playing, performing, and composing better than ever – and that’s not even and objective statement. I am more technically proficient and intentional than ever before.

I know that’s a mouthful – but the important part was that I decided to level-up. My history is one of massive and lengthy self-doubt and fear of success before I decided to clean up my act – but as one once so poignantly stated: “If one desires to climb the Ziggurat, one must take the first step.”

So the real question isn’t about the past at all.
The real question to ask is: Are your best years behind you?

Being a first round NHL draft pick at 19 years old, or being a self-medicated & socially lubricated songwriter navigating a local music scene in a medium-sized city is completely irrelevant at the age of 40 years old, because you can’t go back and change it no matter how you feel about it.

You can’t live there.
You can’t live there any more than you can live in the future where you’re a wild & unbridled success… you can picture both the future and the past, and use them to guide your decisions today, but you have to live here in the present.

Only fear can live in the past.
Only doubt can live in the future.
But success and potential, inspiration and discipline – those live here and now.

I can say definitively… My best years are in front of me.


Check out the new podcast I was recently interviewed for! Pillars of Creation is a new podcast dedicated to creators, by creators, for creators, and is definitely worth a like & a follow & a subscribe!

removing the toxins

There’s a pretty good chance you have toxic people in your life. People don’t talk about it much unless it’s particularly bad, but it’s one of a few unanimously shared struggles we have as social creatures. For some of us, we ARE toxic. Most toxic people don’t know it’s them; as after all, we are the protagonist in our own stories.

I’m not sure who gets to decide who’s toxic and who’s not.
The short answer is… I guess I get to. I am; after all, the protagonist in my story.
It doesn’t matter, I guess.

I’m not sure if it was just my experience, but for a while there, the ‘self-help memes’ (if there are such a thing) seemed to bring up thoughts of ‘removing toxic people from your life’ with notes of ‘you don’t need that kind of negativity’ which seemed to coincide with discussions of politics on the Evening News. I could be alone in my observation, or even misremembering – but I’m certain that a very select group of people were encouraging people to hold up the mirror and address our own toxic traits. It’s quite likely that sharing those memes is a toxic trait… I mean, those posts when shared are definitely FOR someone, and if that’s the case then it’s certainly passive-aggressive.

Okay, I’ll cut the shit and get to the point.

I have a particularly toxic person in my family. This person is a drug addict who is active in their addiction, she’s partnered with an addict who is active in his addiction, and she’s a blood relative, whom I’ve removed from my life in all the ways that make sense. If an emergency were to happen, I’d find out about it through familial channels… but that’s it. The holidays were spent without interaction with this person, and although people will ask me how she’s doing, I have no idea and no inclination to find out due to REAL events that actually happened this year.

Maybe I’m the toxic one? Nah… at best, I’m ‘also toxic’ but I doubt that’s the case. Anyway…

As an aside: I don’t hate addicts… I am one. I don’t think we should take away their rights, or lock them up, or deny them safe injection sites. I don’t think they’re a pariah – but I will say there are 2 very distinct ways of talking about these issues: (1) the ‘addicts are people, too’ approach that supports the idea of social services and counseling being made available, and (2) the ‘I live in an area fraught with drug problems, and my livelihood / personal safety / personal property are negatively affected by the presence of these people’ … and I’m happy to say that, YES, you can feel both ways at the same time. I regularly do. That’s a more nuanced conversation for another day, methinks.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m a toxic person, but I’m certain that I have toxic traits. My intolerance and lack of patience for this toxic person that I have ostensibly removed from my life is probably a toxic trait, but I’m willing to contend with that in favor of not allowing outside bullshit forces to permeate the sanctity of my home.

So as I type this up with one of my favorite jazz records serenading me in the background – The Sidewinder, by Lee Morgan, a man who was shot to death by his common law wife in 1972… which is an indicator that he probably had a couple toxic traits of his own.

We’re all out here doing our best.

Maybe contending with all of this is just what being a grown up is.
I guess I’m a fucking grown up.


ALSO: I was recently interviewed as a guest on a new podcast called Pillars of Creation. It was an honour and a really fun conversation. Giving them a like & a follow on their socials is worth it, I assure you. Check my conversation below.

the end of the year

The time of perennial celebration for the sake of tradition is finally coming to a close. Though it’s statistically ominous, we believe our livers will keep filtering toxins properly for a couple more days before we as a species, en masse, declare our intentions for clean living & regular exercise in the new year. Every gym and online subscription-based diet plan is currently throwing good money after bad in hopes of securing their income for another few months.

We’ve grown irritable toward our loved ones due to subsiding primarily on junk food for the past several days and we’re all loathing our return to work – except, of course, for the undercredited people who’ve been working in retail spaces and restaurants for the entire ‘vacation time’ that everyone else has been taking.

I don’t drink, and despite a few brief breaks from my regular eating program, am pretty regimented in the diet department. I can also say that I maintained my level of fitness apart from days that the gym was closed.

I don’t know what’s coming around the bend this year but I do know that if you truly believe that the coming year will be better than the previous one, you’ll ultimately be correct. This is based on mindset alone.

Me? My year was great. 2024 beat 2023 hands-down, and although 2023 wasn’t without its challenges, I can say that it surpassed 2022 if for no other reason than the notion that 2022 prepared me for 2023. So I have no doubt in my mind about 2025 because I refuse to live in a state of constant wallowing.

Don’t get me wrong – depression is a real thing, and I won’t take that away from you. I am not talking about depression. I am talking about the folks that aren’t necessarily depressed, but tend to dwell on the darker, bleaker sides of humanity, who spend time consuming dank garbage on social media, and who live with the constant, unwavering belief that we are living in the darkest timeline…

… because, if that’s what you focus on, it’s all you’ll see.

There are a few different religious texts that says that “the truth will be what convinces” which is often taken to mean that we will learn the truth and believe it… but what it actually means is: Whatever you are convinced is true, will be true.

So if you think you’ll never lose enough weight… or that Trump is going to destroy the working poor… or that your boss will overlook your abilities – then you’re destined to only see examples to support these things. However – If you believe you can run your first marathon in 2025… or that you’ll see personal growth and success in your job… or that things will improve economically or socially in your region – then you’ll see examples of that.

This is why I tend to (silently) take issue with the notion of people “speaking their truth” when their truth tends to be more of a questionably formed opinion passed off as fact… because we have to be good to each other, and build each other up… rather than tell each other how it is all the time.

So – whatever kind of New Year you choose to have, I hope good fortune visits you beyond what you thought possible.

the next indicated thing

Recently, I talked to a friend I haven’t talked to in a few years. It was truly magnificent to reminisce and think back on the simpler times, when we lived in the same house and played music together. The conversation really affirmed me and the way I try to live my life.

As I think about it now, it brought to mind another conversation with another friend a couple days earlier. We’re at different points in our child-rearing days, and was a good reminder for me in my artistic life as well.

The undertones of each conversation was: Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.

We have a tendency to wish away the hard parts of life without savouring the magic. We can so easily say “when our kids are older” or “once this recording is done” or “after the holidays” without ever allowing ourselves to sit in the moment and experience life, and feel what’s happening as it’s happening. The truth is that everything is amazing – even sometimes when it’s amazingly bad.

It’s a reminder to enjoy the holidays, though parts of them are hard.
Enjoy the recording process, though it’s challenging.
Enjoy this time with our families and our kids…
… because when it is over, and we’re no to the next phase, there’s no turning back.

We can only do this, now.
And we can only experience this, now.

And we really can’t move on past the next indicated thing until the next indicated thing is complete.

So as we move into 2025, I hope you are able to just… take it in, and don’t sweat the small stuff, and don’t give in to the distractions.

Happy New Year.