Davey

back on the train

The holidays have been over for a bit now, and despite resolutions to the contrary, many of us are having trouble regaining that momentum we had before Santa showed up and showed us how to behave like a sloth. Or something.

No matter how many Christmases come & go, I always tell myself throughout the month of December that “it’s only one day… it doesn’t have to be a whole week… or more…” as though I was chanting some meditative mantra for the 24 days leading up to the main event, and every year it’s more than one day.

Now; don’t get me wrong. My version of excess now is a far cry from what it used to be… creeping up on Christmas worrying that I may be eating too many mandarin oranges, and eventually feeling some sense of guilt over a sugary donut, a few shortbread cookies and a non-alcoholic porter or session ale between nutrient-dense high-protein vegan meals, while missing 2 or 3 gym days in a row – primarily because of the gym’s holiday hours. Once upon a time I was in excess of 300 lbs, and a moment spent sober enough to drive was a moment completely lost to the fates… and there wasn’t enough blue cheese and liver pate on God’s green earth to satisfy my food lust.

But no…
My self-discipline doesn’t take a holiday.
Not this year.

This year I balance my athletic vigilance with being social and personable, and enjoying good food and good company. There is no weight I can put on that I cannot also burn off, and I am not trapped here so much as I have chosen to be here and I have chosen to partake in the celebrations in a way that aligns with my values now.

But even that is in the past now.

I have to live now, in THIS moment and in THIS moment I am training.
For what?
For life. I am training to be a strong old man, and a competent singer and guitar player well into my twilight years. I’ve run a half marathon, and done a triathlon course. I aim to do some aggressive mountain biking once the ground thaws, and I want to enjoy my time on this planet.

So I won’t worry too much about what 2025 has in store, as it’s a stepping stone to the next year – but I am here, now, in this moment… in 2025, so I will make the most of it, and prepare myself for what is next… whatever that is.

rituals

I think a lot about traditions. I suppose I am a fairly traditional person, not only in my old-school proclivities when it comes to music, cars, tattoos, and the like, but I think my values are fairly traditional as well – especially for how left-leaning I tend to be in my ideologies. I’m an adult, caucasian male with a child, a partner, a dog, a house… the bird’s eye view of my life is that it’s pretty normal, and I’m fully aware and supportive of less normal methods.

I’m sure a lot for people see the word ‘traditional’ and think about ‘conservative family values’ and things of that nature – but the truth is that conservative politicians use words like ‘traditional’ to blur the lines and appeal to centrists, and present a set of values that are hard to argue against… because we ALL have traditions.

The other ‘traditions’ that come to mind are essentially social contracts. They tend to involve multiple people, a certain type of meal (typically a dead animal – gross), and excessive drinking (also gross), and some sort of dessert (awesome). Traditions like these tend to bring about a lot of stress, too. We take part in these things despite the fact that they (a) take a lot out of us, and (b) tend to make us feel shitty afterwards… but here we are celebrating everything from the birth of Christ to the birth of the nation by living in excess.

When we take away all the ugly and sentimental parts of tradition, we’re left with something special – the ritual.

Rituals can be anything, but are always private and tend to be both personal, and for self-betterment. This can be anything from Kundalini yoga to the application of your eyeliner. My entire morning can be accounted for as a ritual from the time I wake up, to the method by which I prepare my morning oatmeal, to the order my workout happens, to the time and manner in which I arrive to work. Not all of it is spent alone, but all of it is personal.

In short: ritual = good, social contract = meh

So as I reflect back on the most traditional time of the year. To quote Bart Simpson, “Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ” and while that’s a humorous statement, we certainly have social contracts being thrown at us from all sides no matter how we were brought up. I won’t go so far as to say I hate Christmas, but I will say that (a) as a vegan, it’s an atrocity, (b) as a workin’ stiff, it’s a financial drain, and (c) as an introvert, it’s incredibly draining. If it wasn’t for a bit of magic in the air, and the fact that I am a father, I might withdraw from it completely – and honestly, as I age (and as my daughter ages) there seems to be less for me on the horizon every year.

That might sound sad, but I think that’s fine. I can roll with whatever, and if what comes is an escapist vacation to a tropical land from Dec 20th to January 3rd then so be it. If it means spending more time with extended family as my brother’s family grows, then I’m good with that, too – but I think more of this season needs to be on my own terms, even though my own terms would include a certain sacrifice of time and money.

I guess what I’m saying is that I am good with the change that will inevitably come. I am not the only one aging here, and my daughter is bound to start her own rituals and traditions around the holiday season before long.

I’m elated that anyone would want to spend time with me… and when those occasions arise, I hope I have the wherewithal to join in and genuinely be merry without some misplaced sense of obligation.

the end of the year

The time of perennial celebration for the sake of tradition is finally coming to a close. Though it’s statistically ominous, we believe our livers will keep filtering toxins properly for a couple more days before we as a species, en masse, declare our intentions for clean living & regular exercise in the new year. Every gym and online subscription-based diet plan is currently throwing good money after bad in hopes of securing their income for another few months.

We’ve grown irritable toward our loved ones due to subsiding primarily on junk food for the past several days and we’re all loathing our return to work – except, of course, for the undercredited people who’ve been working in retail spaces and restaurants for the entire ‘vacation time’ that everyone else has been taking.

I don’t drink, and despite a few brief breaks from my regular eating program, am pretty regimented in the diet department. I can also say that I maintained my level of fitness apart from days that the gym was closed.

I don’t know what’s coming around the bend this year but I do know that if you truly believe that the coming year will be better than the previous one, you’ll ultimately be correct. This is based on mindset alone.

Me? My year was great. 2024 beat 2023 hands-down, and although 2023 wasn’t without its challenges, I can say that it surpassed 2022 if for no other reason than the notion that 2022 prepared me for 2023. So I have no doubt in my mind about 2025 because I refuse to live in a state of constant wallowing.

Don’t get me wrong – depression is a real thing, and I won’t take that away from you. I am not talking about depression. I am talking about the folks that aren’t necessarily depressed, but tend to dwell on the darker, bleaker sides of humanity, who spend time consuming dank garbage on social media, and who live with the constant, unwavering belief that we are living in the darkest timeline…

… because, if that’s what you focus on, it’s all you’ll see.

There are a few different religious texts that says that “the truth will be what convinces” which is often taken to mean that we will learn the truth and believe it… but what it actually means is: Whatever you are convinced is true, will be true.

So if you think you’ll never lose enough weight… or that Trump is going to destroy the working poor… or that your boss will overlook your abilities – then you’re destined to only see examples to support these things. However – If you believe you can run your first marathon in 2025… or that you’ll see personal growth and success in your job… or that things will improve economically or socially in your region – then you’ll see examples of that.

This is why I tend to (silently) take issue with the notion of people “speaking their truth” when their truth tends to be more of a questionably formed opinion passed off as fact… because we have to be good to each other, and build each other up… rather than tell each other how it is all the time.

So – whatever kind of New Year you choose to have, I hope good fortune visits you beyond what you thought possible.

the next indicated thing

Recently, I talked to a friend I haven’t talked to in a few years. It was truly magnificent to reminisce and think back on the simpler times, when we lived in the same house and played music together. The conversation really affirmed me and the way I try to live my life.

As I think about it now, it brought to mind another conversation with another friend a couple days earlier. We’re at different points in our child-rearing days, and was a good reminder for me in my artistic life as well.

The undertones of each conversation was: Don’t get too far ahead of yourself.

We have a tendency to wish away the hard parts of life without savouring the magic. We can so easily say “when our kids are older” or “once this recording is done” or “after the holidays” without ever allowing ourselves to sit in the moment and experience life, and feel what’s happening as it’s happening. The truth is that everything is amazing – even sometimes when it’s amazingly bad.

It’s a reminder to enjoy the holidays, though parts of them are hard.
Enjoy the recording process, though it’s challenging.
Enjoy this time with our families and our kids…
… because when it is over, and we’re no to the next phase, there’s no turning back.

We can only do this, now.
And we can only experience this, now.

And we really can’t move on past the next indicated thing until the next indicated thing is complete.

So as we move into 2025, I hope you are able to just… take it in, and don’t sweat the small stuff, and don’t give in to the distractions.

Happy New Year.

here we go

It’s the Saturday before Christmas, and despite everything I said a couple weeks ago about only committing to what you can handle, we’re all about to find out how much that actually is. Some of us are so busy right now that we don’t even have time to read this blog post – so thank you for taking a minute.

I’ll keep it brief.

If I can encourage anything, it’s just be in the moment wherever you are and wherever you’re going. Just take your time and be present with the people you’re visiting with, because it’s very easy to be somewhere and be consumed with the next obligation – especially if it’s happening on the same day – but do what you can to enjoy and make merry with the people you’re with while you’re with them.

The holidays will be a whirlwind anyway, no matter how you slice it… and a whirlwind doesn’t need your help to move it along.

I hope you and the people you spend it with truly get the best of the season, and that you take care of yourself, and your brain, and the people around you in the midst of it all.

Let tomorrow happen tomorrow.
Let next week happen next week.
… and January can wait until January.

And… please do it without harming an animal if at all possible – or at least as few as possible. Animals are unnecessary casualties of these social contracts we commit ourselves to, and if we can leave them out of it, we’ll all feel better. If we’re truly in pursuit of “Peace on Earth, Good will towards all people” this season, then I’ll openly state that veganism is the end result of peaceful living.

All the best to you & yours.

father to the thought

There’s an old saying; maybe it’s a proverb, “The wish is father to the thought” that crosses my mind sometimes. Particularly around this time of year when people talk about ‘Christmas wishes’ and ‘New Years Resolutions’ – neither of which mean much to me, personally. I’ve written a few times over the years about how September is the beginning of the year for me (and I think most people) but for anyone new to this corner of the internet, I’ll sum it up by saying “I’m a big fan of making changes when they need to be made… rather than waiting for some special day on the calendar” though I’ll concede that some dates are special.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life wishing things were better while doing precisely nothing about it and wondering why things weren’t getting better despite my lack of effort. Then at 37 years old I started putting one foot in front of the other, resulting in losing 166 lbs, starting this blog, and taking my art seriously, and just generally doing a good job – even when doing things I hated. These things all resulted in a better and more fruitful life – but they also resulted in an adjustment of my sights, which made for more wishing… which made for more thoughtful execution.

So, I still wish for things. I just have better follow-through now.

I’ve developed a plan for things that I’m reluctant to talk about at this time, but I’ve taken on a long-term goal-oriented project that I’m creating the time for in my life. I’ll admit that it’s an artistic goal, and that I’ve been laying the groundwork for it for some time now, by way of proliferating artworks and other songs “ahead of a schedule.” When I say “ahead of schedule” I mean that there’s a certain timeline-oriented expectation for creative works with my rock & roll band, and due to our own efficient execution of things, we’re in a position where we can take on this ‘side quest‘ (for lack of a better term).

It’s something we’ve been talking about as a band for some time, and we’re putting it into motion now. It’s exciting, but it probably won’t see the light of day for a couple years.

But… it started with a wish.
And it developed into a pie-in-the-sky dream that we’re determined to see come to fruition.

I genuinely hope you still have wishes, and that you can muster up the gumption to make them happen. Following your dreams, no matter how big or small they might be, is a full-time commitment and a ton of work – and for most of us, it tends to have to happen in the off-hours when you’re burnt out from working too much, when you haven’t slept well, and you’re poorly nourished. it’s a true exercise in fortitude but nobody is going to do it for you.

It’s hard, and anyone who tells you it’s not hard is trying to sell you something.

So, I hope you don’t wait for it to happen – coax it out and help it along, and it will repay you with the energy you need to keep going.

… the season

I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds this particular time of year exhausting. I’ve finished all my performance engagements for 2024 and I’ve got a month to sort out the festivities… but if we’re really looking at the calendar, I’ve got 2 weeks, and I’ve already attended a Christmas party a week ago now.

It flies by. We all know it flies by.

So as we make plans to gather with the people we haven’t seen in a while, and in the spirit of cold weather and too much food, and the social contract of ‘tradition’ under which we operate, we include people we don’t really want to spend time with. We spend as little time thinking about the people we’ve blocked and unfriended – both in real life and on the internet – no matter how ‘grinchy’ it makes us, as a mechanism of defence for our own mental health and well-being.

As I ponder the notion of defending our mental health and well-being through the holidays, I can’t help but think that the whole notion of this tradition is a bit of a detriment to most of us. The functions we host and/or attend can be quite magical in the moment, but we all know that as the hour draws ever nearer, the stress compounds and magnifies.

The house is never clean enough or decorated perfectly enough.
The timing of the food being ready all at the same time is paramount.
“Did you iron your shirt?”
“Is that what you’re wearing?”
“I hope so-&-so doesn’t start talking about x, y, and/or z”

I’m flashing back to my youth, praying to whoever was listening to send SOMEONE from our guest list to the house early – or even just on-time – so I could stop dusting the window sills or whatever seemingly senseless task I was assigned that ONLY gets done during the day on Christmas Eve.

The way most of these stresses are handled is by throwing whatever food regimen you follow out the window and washing down the associated guilt and stress with booze. We pour that shit in our coffee first thing in the morning… and we pour that shit in our egg nog with breakfast… until we somehow reach what we’ve deemed a socially acceptable time of day to stop hiding our coping mechanisms… and as much as Christmas is 1 single, solitary day, we actually lose our fucking MINDS from December 20th until January 1st, and most of us go broke doing it.

Being that I’m vegan and don’t drink at all anymore… I don’t have a pool in which to drown my sorrows, so I try to just not have any sorrows in the first place.

If you need to get off this train before it drives off the side of the mountain, consider this your permission. If you’re looking for a sign, I assure you it’s a stop sign.

The holidays weren’t meant to be this self destructive or poisonous. This is the season of giving, after all.

Personally – my family and I have been dialing back holiday commitments for years. My daughter has 2 extended families, my girlfriend has family, then there’s my family… so it’s a lot, especially for my daughter. We actually managed to get my entire family to meet for lunch at Boston Pizza a couple days before Christmas and call it good with just that! However last year, a family member decided that someone (other than their self) should host a proper meal. The only people that showed up was me, my girlfriend, and my daughter. Not even the person who decided this should happen showed up.

We’re back to keeping it simple this year.
Maybe more simple than ever.

I strongly encourage you to do what you can do… but if you need to draw the line, then draw it.

Happy Holidays.