Tag: diy

the late bloomer

“A lot of my foolish teenage dreams came back when I got my health back, except now I’m 40, and I have the discipline and artistic fortitude to chase them. “

I know I’m probably not alone in this, but for as far back as I can remember, I’ve been misunderstood, or at best, taken out of context with some regularity. The fact that a person with those sorts of credentials spends any time uploading creative works to the internet is a mystery, even to me – but here we are.

I suppose somewhere between my 40 year old body and my brain that operates at the same level it did when I was 17, it can be expected. I’ve spent a good amount of time in my life being various forms of fucked-up, and have ultimately been hell-bent on consumption of everything from high-fructose corn syrup to pain pills, and washed them all down with liquor, beer & wine. I would say upsetting things, and the frequency at which I was resonating was so low I’m surprised I didn’t stop existing altogether. But that didn’t happen.

I cleaned up – in all the different ways. I got my health in check and my food sources in check and at this point I’ve never been so clear as I am right now, and I’ve also never been so misunderstood by so many people – and that misunderstanding likely either comes from the fact that (a) most of the people around me have only known the hazy, inebriated version of me, or (b) those people are hazy versions of themselves. Now; regardless of whether they fall under category (a) or (b), they’re gradually having to get used to the version of me that is driven, motivated, and disciplined. I understand that it’s a bit bewildering for those people, assuming they care enough to give it a second thought.

What can I say – I’m a Confusionaire.

Scattered throughout the fields of bewildered people are a few folks in my life who are excited by these changes. I keep these people close – or at least as close as an introverted guy like me can. I play it pretty close to the chest, which is either a natural inclination, or a defense mechanism – I’m not sure which, but I do manage to let a few people through.

I wasn’t joking when I said my brain functions the way it did when I was 17. A lot of my foolish teenage dreams came back when I got my health back, except now I’m 40, and I have the discipline and artistic fortitude to chase them. Some of you might be reading this and thinking “mid-life crisis” but I’m not talking about buying a sportscar and picking up women half my age. I’m talking about re-realizing my purpose – but when it feels like so many of my contemporaries are moving in the opposite direction, I am most certainly the outlier among my peers. It bothered me for a while… but I really can’t be too concerned with that anymore.

I like the term “late bloomer” – I subscribe to that.

If any of this resonates with you then you might be a late bloomer, too. I think it’s a thing to be proud of despite how easy it is to look and your low-frequency years as ‘wasted time.’ That’s not wasted time at all. That’s a blessing… and an incubation period. Truth-be-told, if I was always healthy in my body and my mind, I’d probably have taken it for granted – but since it’s a newfound hope and a new opportunity to push myself beyond my limits, it’s absolutely everything to me.

I wish everyone felt this way.

I’ve been traveling this week, and working some long-ass hours with one of those people who got excited by the changes I’ve been making. If you are friends with me on Facebook then you might know that I’m leveling up in the company I work for, and that my band is releasing our finest album to date. Saying that I have a lot going on is an understatement.

Through that, I’ve been able to maintain a level of physical fitness in the fitness room of the hotel I’ve been staying in. I’ve maintained my weightlifting routine, and I have been running with the usual regularity, but not for the lengths of time I’d like to. That can change in the future though, because I’m largely rolling on someone else’s timetable this week…

My boss, a great man who’s had a lot of influence over my professional trajectory, is retiring, and the company has seen fit to offer me his role in the company. I’ve been spending the week training with him, and even though he’s a quarter-century ahead of me, and retiring… he’s not here to fuck around.

I’m proud of where I am, and where I am going… even though after the job is fully mine I’ll be able to go for longer runs. lol.

trauma

“Trauma is not just bad things happening to you.
It’s also good things not happening to you.”

Trauma might be the biggest 6 letter word of 2022… and maybe 2023 since we’re right in there now. I’m not sure if it’s my own algorithm treating me to a nice, shiny shovel with which to dig into my own psyche or if it’s actually everywhere, but it’s certainly a thing to be aware of.

Trauma is most often defined as anything that guides or reroutes neuropathways in the brain, and is completely experiential. That means: a thing happened to you and it changed the way you think. Typically a trauma response is something you implement to prevent yourself from experiencing that situation (or one like it) again, and it’s an understatement to say that most of these situations happen to you as a child or some other variation of young person. This is a time of great brain development and it’s a given that your brain has adapted to your bad experiences just as it has your good experiences and your educational experiences.

But trauma is not just bad things happening to you.
It’s also good things not happening to you.

The hard part of acknowledging trauma in your life is concluding that your parents had something to do with it. And basically, you’re right – they did, just as you as an adult likely have something to do with the trauma of your own children, perhaps your nieces & nephews – but assigning blame isn’t the point. Well, not always. To be trauma-free would make you an outlier in this world.

*** if you’re dealing with serious trauma from childhood you should talk to a professional who can guide you through it.

We’re all sculpted by our experiences in this life, and we’re all graced with a unique view of the world as a result. Often times our world view is what limits us and prevents us from success, just as there are many people who are propelled forward by those same factors.

My personal challenge has been to change my world view. I obviously can’t change my experiences, but I can change my reactions to them. I can use them to grow and see things in a new way, I can redefine what terms like success and growth mean to me after years of simply accepting the status quo. I won’t say it’s easy and it’s certainly not instantaneous.

But… I choose growth.

room for the miracle

“Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.”

I like to have a plan.

I didn’t always like to have a plan, but then again I didn’t always get everything done that needed doing. In truth, the first positive thing I ever got a grip on was my health, and even then it was a loose grip in the beginning – but slowly & surely I made bigger progress followed by smaller regress… 2 steps forward, 1 step back until I learned enough about myself to optimize things.

It took me the better part of a decade to get done what I set out to do, and the most successful part of that (almost) decade was the fall of 2018 leading all the way through 2019 and into the pandemic. I consistently lost 1-2 lbs for a year & a half.

I’ve also been able to apply the principals of that weight loss to other aspects of my life, everything from home improvement projects to artistic output. I’ll spare a lot of the rhetoric and sum it up: Do the work.

Doing the work is methodical and consistent more than anything, but the work requires rest and periodic analysis, too – and it’s within that rest and analysis that we can take a step back and figure out what’s working and what’s not, and how to make things move more efficiently in the direction we want them to. Now, the term isn’t mine, but the concept of ‘making room for the miracle‘ has been pretty constant in my life as of late. The idea that having a plan is great, and knowing that plans change.

Personally I love this notion. If I have a plan and I need to change it in order to navigate the terrain of a tumultuous day, I can do so. It’s when I don’t have a plan at all that this change becomes a massive disruption.

In the context of songwriting, songs show up in my whenever they please… but if I don’t have a guitar and a pen on hand with some regularity then those moments are sure to be further and fewer between – even less so if I insist on exclusively working on scales and rudiments without allowing for any experimentation. Similarly if I want to develop muscle, I’m going to have to spend some time in the gym – and consider trying a new sport or game. If I want to lose some weight then I’m going to have to put some effort into selecting nutrient dense foods, but it’s bound to be more exciting to try some new recipes.

It’s important to stay consistent without being too precious about the action because it can be easy to lose sight of the goal, in the ‘can’t see the forest when you’re looking at the trees‘ sort of way.

When I did my first vegetable juice fast in 2014, I wasn’t thinking about triathlon, or home ownership, or my musical trajectory – but all of those things were ultimately set in motion at that time.

Training this week, has been exactly as written above. The week started out well, but since I’m out traveling and playing shows from Wednesday to Sunday, working out and running have been challenging. I am doing what I can when I can, and through some measure of magic I’ve been able to do a little more than I’d anticipated.

And ill be back on track in no time.

meditation

I’ve had a meditation practice in play for a couple years – however at times it’s felt haphazard to a point that I might have called it a seasonal practice at some point, because with the advent of long runs (meditative as they can be) a few things took a back seat to a few extra minutes of running time. This practice for me has regained it’s priority status as of late and it’s made a significant impact on my life.

When the snow so abruptly arrived to the Edmonton area, I attempted to regain my morning routine from the previous winter – but with an aim to improve. A few changes in my schedule made this difficult, but I do aspire to maintain it even when it feels like I’m running to catch up to it.

Anyway… It just so happens that a popular podcaster and well-known scientist, Andrew Huberman, compiled some data and spit if out in (mostly) a language I can understand. That episode is right here and I recommend it.

I’m in no way affiliated with Andrew Huberman,
but he does some excellent deep-dives into some great topics…
some of which I just can’t ignore.

A few things that resonated with me include the difference & merits of interoception vs exteroception which is the difference between focusing inward (your heart beat, third eye, breathing, etc.) or focusing on something external (the horizon or any other singular object). He mentions that in order to get the full benefits of meditation, your practice can be as little as a few minutes per day – BUT that whether your focus is internal or external might be determined by the situation.

For me; a person who spends a lot of time in his own head, I’d likely benefit more from focusing on something outside of my body, like an object in the room. This is because focusing inward is not much of a challenge, and I’m less likely to hone my meditative skill. However, when I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of commotion, such as when I’m sitting in a food court in the busiest mall in the city, introspection will help me center myself, as opposed to focusing on the commotion that is causing me to be overwhelmed.

The other thing – and it’s a big one – is the issue of distraction. He outlines that distraction is a given. In fact, that’s how the practice is strengthened – by course-correcting your thoughts back to your singular focus, and away from your work day or how hungry you are, etc.

Champion level meditators are not free of distraction. In fact, they become so adept at redirecting their attention back to their meditative practice from the myriad of distractions around us all the time that they seldom even register the shift. Essentially, what may seem like tuning out the outside world completely is the opposite, because the most experienced meditators are actually MORE aware of their surroundings than those of us who feel easily distracted.

In fact, if we shift our attention to the location of our ‘third eye’ (which is behind the front of our forehead) we’re bound to have random thoughts and emotions creep in, because that is the part of the brain responsible for perception – so to focus that part of the brain on itself is to remove all physical distraction, thereby opening the pathway from emotions, feelings, and thoughts to enter our minds and THUS providing us with something to shift our meditative focus away from – which; again, strengthens our practice.

It’s pretty heady stuff, and I’m not sure I’m doing it justice in my laymen explanations, honestly – but I did feel a massive boost in confidence in regards to my meditative practice, and I’m optimistic that you will as well if you throw a couple hours at this video. This is big particularly in this time of the year when there’s so much focus on improving ourselves.

It’s also bound to help those of us fighting off seasonal depression this time of year.

Training is seeing some changes. I’m opting for – you guessed it – more endurance time. This is not because I need more frequency, but because I need more long sessions with an elevated heartrate, so I know go for 80-90 minutes in Zone 2 on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, with a 45 minute session on Friday. Weightlifting happens on Tuesday and Friday and rest days are Wednesday and Sunday.

These changes are always punishing in their infancy, but well warranted in the end. I know I have a few months before I can be back outside with any regularity but I don’t want to skip a beat when that day comes. I’m anticipating a fairly busy year, travel-wise and I look forward to it, but it will bring it’s workout-related challenges. I look forward to mastering this, as well. THAT SAID – if you’re reading this and you’re in the Grande Prairie area, consider swinging by the great northern casino to see Robin Kelly’s Elvis tribute act. I’ll be playing guitar for that.

I also have some pretty lofty goals this year… physically, artistically, and financially. One day at a time.

living in the future: permission to dream

“Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.”

As a supplementary post to last week’s post about living in the past, I thought it’d be nice to give myself permission to dream.

New Years is one of those times that is so marked with tradition that we tend to be able to recall previous years with ease, but our thoughts tend to trend toward the idea that “this year will be different” and – well, of course it will be.

Traditionally we set unrealistic goals and then berate ourselves for not holding them up despite the fact that this is the hardest time of year to do anything. We’re exhausted from the poor sleep and poor food choices of the past week, family visits tend to take an emotional toll – but a similar toll is felt by people with nobody to celebrate with. So we’re ready to commit to anything that will make us feel better than we currently do.

The gyms will be fraught with new enrollment, and sadly attendance will taper off gradually over the next couple of months. Cigarette and booze sales will decline for a bit, but only for a bit. I’m not speaking this over anyone, so much as observing a pattern.

It’s a hard time of year… But…

Dreaming is allowed. I encourage you to not only dream, but to sort out what the steps are to get there. I promise you that you’re not going to just wake up one day and run a marathon – not without paying for it in one way or another – but if that’s a dream, you can certainly realize it if you put a plan together.

I sincerely hope to see people make the best of their time and really set themselves in motion.

Training this week has been a bit lighter. We took a few days to chill but by Thursday and Friday it was time get get into Zone 2 and start lifting weights. Saturday was a Zone 2 bike/run for an hour – and tonight I play a New Years Eve show at The Black Dog in Edmonton and I’m happy to be fresh for that.

The new year is here… and the plan; for me, is to throw down hard. My music, my job, and my workout regimen won’t even see me coming. The restful holiday time spent gathering with loved ones and reminiscing are over; and frankly, I’ve got some serious shit to do. I’ve got a new record coming out in April, the pre-orders for which will formally be open in a couple of weeks, and I’ve got work to do on that front as well as booking shows, and writing songs for the next one. I’ve got some fitness goals that need some attention that will require me to squeeze every ounce out of my current 6.5-7.0 hours per week I spend training… and… did I mention I also have a job and a family?

I’m not concerned about time constraints. I get up pretty early, so a lot of what I need to take care of gets taken care of before most people are awake – the primary concern is effort and efficiency.

I don’t expect anyone to do what I do to the degree to which I do it… but I hope people push their limits and achieve their goals. I love seeing that.

Between a conscious decision to take it easy this week, which I made back at the beginning of November, and an emergency tooth extraction and a round of antibiotics – I gotta say it feels really good to be back at it in the gym this week. I started back in on Thursday with 90 minutes of endurance / Zone 2 training and Friday with a 45 minutes of cycling and a 45 minute weight workout that consisted primarily of compound exercises – I wanted to hit all my muscle groups since it had been a spell without any serious lifting.

As this is being posted, I’m likely out the door and spending the morning of New Years Eve doing a bike/run with my girlfriend, easily the best way to start the new year. I’m disinclined to really punish myself because I’ve got a long night ahead of me, as my band Confusionaires is performing at The Black Dog in Edmonton tonight.

January is a busy month for me as a performer, and has historically been so. You wouldn’t think it would be that way, but I’ll be traversing this frozen province a couple times before the end of the month, both with Confusionaires and with Robin Kelly, and Elvis Presley tribute artist I play guitar with.

Happy New Year Everyone!

living in the past: permission to reminisce

“It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.”

Permission to reminisce has been granted. This time of rich tradition seemingly falls on everyone, even those who have no traditional ties left. Even the folks who go sit in movie theatres on Christmas Day tend to do so in a religious fashion.

It’s counter-intuitive for those of us trying to living in the moment constantly but we do have to allow ourselves opportunity, once in a while, to see how far we’ve come. We can’t live in the past the way so many people try to – especially this time of year. We can’t live in the future either – we have to live here, right now. But we can be gentle with ourselves and embrace our traditions, however conventional or unconventional they may be.

Thoughts often go to lost loved ones, lost pets, lost friendships, and general loss this time of year as we peruse old photo albums and trim Christmas trees with the antiquated knickknacks of yesteryear. Facebook memories tend to be an unforgiving mistress as well, but there’s a lot of joy to be had building those positive memories for the future as well.

I often have to remind myself to be patient with the people around me as I inevitably sort through old trauma, old habits, over-eating, and genuine irritation with large gatherings of people since introversion is not a thing I’ve been able to address as proactively as I’d like. Maybe I’m okay with being introverted even though this year might be special in regards to gatherings, since this holiday is likely to be charged with making up for the past 2 Christmases, too.

My ever-changing role as a father and co-head of a household in the midst of unfavorable weather is a little different every year. As I allow myself to think back on the past year I’ve really changed a lot – my relationship with my employer has changed as much as my relationship with my environment has – both for the better, I reckon. My relationship with money has changed, my relationship with my girlfriend and my child are ever-changing and evolving as we age and mature – all three of us.

I can’t be certain of what will happen this year because I could never have anticipated what would have happened in the past calendar year but I must greet every opportunity and challenge with open arms – not only for my own development, but because I have people counting on me to do so, and I have people watching my example. Those opportunities and challenges are coming regardless – why not welcome them? Besides, the fact that people are counting on me and watching me doesn’t add the type of pressure you might think it does – but I’ve learned that when you think nobody is watching, you’re wrong.

I digress. There’s a power that comes about in this season. A generational power that shows up and tells you where you came from – it can build an immense sense of authority over your future, or a sense of inadequacy – this is 100% based on your perspective, and my hope for you is that you run with it.

Whatever you’re doing and whatever you’re planning, I hope fortune finds you in this tumultuous-yet-magical time of year. Merry Christmas to all of y’all.

Training this week has been tough, mainly due to frigid temperatures and early mornings, but I brought my A-game. Monday morning was a punishing 90 minute workout consisting of 45 minutes of cycling and 45 minutes of chest & biceps work. Tuesday featured some at-home calisthenics, and after a dental procedure on Wednesday and a prescription for pain killers and antibiotics, the rest of the week became an impromptu rest time.

Next week is a little lighter by design. In the spirit of the season, we’ll be allowing for a bit of rest & recovery for a few days, but by Thursday we’ll be hitting it hard again.

veganism vs wfpb

“I’ve been an aggressive, jealous, and angry person in my life and although we all have our moments, I can say that changing how I was nourishing myself as well as changing how I think about food and my place in my environment has flushed a lot of that animosity out of my body and allowed me to be more the person I was meant to be.”

Lu and I became vegan at the outset of Covid-19, meaning that we are encroaching on our third ‘veganniversary‘ a while back. It’s been a driving force, and a real game changer in our health journeys and I’d recommend anyone try it for 3 weeks. You can eat anything for 21 days, we know this because you can literally eat nothing for 21 days.

We’re not just vegan. We’re also Whole Food Plant Based, and there’s a difference in technique and motivating factors between the two, though they’re not at odds. not for us, anyway.

Veganism entails living in abstinence from the exploitation of animals. It’s not perfect, but it’s certainly a massive step in the right direction, and it’s never been easier than right now to become vegan, thanks to numerous consumer products available.

The Whole Food Plant Based crowd tends to abstain from animal products for personal health reasons, which then extends to things that are not whole foods including extracts and oils. It’s difficult to be strict about extracts, particularly if you take any supplements such as pea protein or other vitamins, but cooking oil-free and largely salt-free presents no real challenge.

We’re both. We’re stewards of the animals and the environment, and we nourish ourselves with the best whole food plant sources we can. The perpetuated concept that you can only be one or the other is very narrow-minded.

On a whole other level, one of the things I’ve noticed in myself is a lack of animosity. I’ve been an aggressive, jealous, and angry person in my life and although we all have our moments, I can say that changing how I was nourishing myself as well as changing how I think about food and my place in my environment has flushed a lot of that animosity out of my body and allowed me to be more the person I was meant to be.

Furthermore, I believe there is a karmic debt that is owed for the way we live, and the decisions we passively make when we choose what to eat, and where that food comes from. Ask most people what they think of factory farming and/or slaughterhouses, and they’ll tell you they’re terrible – but grocery stores still regularly run out of meat, and the fast food drive-thru is still lined up several cars deep. Something’s gotta change.

Living this way has also had amazing results with overall health, and athletic recovery.

Without getting too ‘Christmasy‘ about it, I feel that these topics need to be raised because we’re all staring down some holiday meals that are laden; if not polluted with, butter, cream, meat, egg, cheese, oil, excess salt, and all manner of things that many of us eschew. Many people are going to be eating in ways that will raise questions about how we want to live for the next year or longer and I’d like to take this opportunity to mention that you can make this decision BEFORE this heavy-eating time in our lives. It’s never been a better time to be attentive to what you’re eating and why.

At this point, I’ve dedicated some blog entries to each of the main macronutrients, if you’re at all interested in those, I’ll link them here:
PROTEIN // CARBOHYDRATES // FATS
There are also some amazing documentaries, such as Forks Over Knives, The Game Changers, They’re Trying To Kill Us, Seaspiracy, and many others.

Thanks for checking in as always.

Training this week has been good. Monday, despite the onslaught of deep fried food from a company Christmas party the night before, was a success w/ a 45 minute bike ride and a 45 minute chest/biceps session, and Tuesday saw some calisthenics at home between songs I’m charting for some upcoming performances.
Wednesday was a well-needed rest day. Thursday was a full on endurance session, 90 minutes each, and Friday was 20 minutes of rowing, 20 minutes on the bike, and 45 minutes of triceps and back work.

Saturday was fraught with Santa-business, and Sunday, my other rest day, is set to be my extended family Christmas lunch/dinner, for which I hope I am well behaved enough to meet my Monday workout with the enthusiasm it deserves. I’ll need to decide what that means in advance of that meal, but I already know it means a lot of vegan cheese and salt… so I’ll need to make sure there’s enough water flowing!

I keep telling myself (as I’m sure we all do): It’s only once a year.