Tag: go vegan

just lucky

I’m aware of my privilege… more and more all the time. In the past few years I’ve managed to reach the age where this whole fragile and flawed system by which we live is set up for me to succeed – at least as much as is possible in the wake of unsustainable financial devastation left for us by our boomer ancestors.

I live in a nice little house in an up-&-coming area of town, I have a partner I scarcely deserve for a myriad of reasons, and a well-mannered and intelligent teenage kid who is turning into a very thoughtful and smart adult. I drive a good vehicle. I have a vintage hobby car and a stable full of excellent guitars. I write rock & roll songs and I record and perform them with some very talented musicians, and I get paid more handsomely than ever before to do that. Sure, I have a day job, but it’s a very good one, where I am treated well and have influence. I supervise some very cool people, and we make each other’s lives easier whenever possible. Things will continue to get better and better.

I guess this is optimism.

As this gets posted, I’m actually in the middle of a 3-day mini-tour of Southern Alberta. We played Calgary on Thursday, and Castle Mountain Ski Resort last night, and today we’re en route to Lethbridge before heading home on Sunday. We’ll be heading home with money in our pockets, and we’ll begin making a new record when we get there.

Once upon a time I fantasized about this life. A recent phone conversation with an old friend reminded me of that… which reminds me, I should call him again.

I’m truly grateful for what I have and where it’s going.
If everything halted in it’s tracks and this is exactly what my life was until I died, I would be content. This is what it is to be happy, I think. I once heard someone say “the only joy you find on the summit of Mount Everest is the joy you bring with you” and I believe this to be true.

To illustrate that point, I deal with a ton of bullshit every day at work, every time I turn around I feel like I’m handing someone else hundreds of dollars, my personal time is precious and fleeting at best. Corporations and family members alike are bleeding me dry and I don’t sleep enough. When something comes up, my early morning routine and my finely tuned diet are the first things to go, which results in me feeling fat and unhealthy during times when I need the opposite to be true. I spend too much time in hotel rooms. I work long hours…

… you get the picture. This is called realism.

Even so, I’m so aware of the great things happening in my life that none of those complaints hold any real weight. I realize this is a choice I’ve made. Happiness is a choice, and reminding ourselves of the positive perspective that we’re allowed to have is a choice.

Realism & Optimism. Why do we think about these words in contrast? Why is the ‘realistic’ view such a negative way of looking at things when the great things we have in our lives can easily be identified as ‘real’?

I don’t think we need to be all pollyanna about everything, necessarily, but the notion that ‘where your treasure is, your heart will also be‘ becomes a pretty strong statement when people constantly dwell on the negative. Our treasure is our focus – so if we focus on the darkness, we can expect our hearts to go dark as well. It’s for this reason that goal-oriented people tend to be magnetic and inspiring.

The time for hibernation and doom-scrolling will be over soon.
We’ll be able to go outside and feel the sun again.

removing the toxins

There’s a pretty good chance you have toxic people in your life. People don’t talk about it much unless it’s particularly bad, but it’s one of a few unanimously shared struggles we have as social creatures. For some of us, we ARE toxic. Most toxic people don’t know it’s them; as after all, we are the protagonist in our own stories.

I’m not sure who gets to decide who’s toxic and who’s not.
The short answer is… I guess I get to. I am; after all, the protagonist in my story.
It doesn’t matter, I guess.

I’m not sure if it was just my experience, but for a while there, the ‘self-help memes’ (if there are such a thing) seemed to bring up thoughts of ‘removing toxic people from your life’ with notes of ‘you don’t need that kind of negativity’ which seemed to coincide with discussions of politics on the Evening News. I could be alone in my observation, or even misremembering – but I’m certain that a very select group of people were encouraging people to hold up the mirror and address our own toxic traits. It’s quite likely that sharing those memes is a toxic trait… I mean, those posts when shared are definitely FOR someone, and if that’s the case then it’s certainly passive-aggressive.

Okay, I’ll cut the shit and get to the point.

I have a particularly toxic person in my family. This person is a drug addict who is active in their addiction, she’s partnered with an addict who is active in his addiction, and she’s a blood relative, whom I’ve removed from my life in all the ways that make sense. If an emergency were to happen, I’d find out about it through familial channels… but that’s it. The holidays were spent without interaction with this person, and although people will ask me how she’s doing, I have no idea and no inclination to find out due to REAL events that actually happened this year.

Maybe I’m the toxic one? Nah… at best, I’m ‘also toxic’ but I doubt that’s the case. Anyway…

As an aside: I don’t hate addicts… I am one. I don’t think we should take away their rights, or lock them up, or deny them safe injection sites. I don’t think they’re a pariah – but I will say there are 2 very distinct ways of talking about these issues: (1) the ‘addicts are people, too’ approach that supports the idea of social services and counseling being made available, and (2) the ‘I live in an area fraught with drug problems, and my livelihood / personal safety / personal property are negatively affected by the presence of these people’ … and I’m happy to say that, YES, you can feel both ways at the same time. I regularly do. That’s a more nuanced conversation for another day, methinks.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m a toxic person, but I’m certain that I have toxic traits. My intolerance and lack of patience for this toxic person that I have ostensibly removed from my life is probably a toxic trait, but I’m willing to contend with that in favor of not allowing outside bullshit forces to permeate the sanctity of my home.

So as I type this up with one of my favorite jazz records serenading me in the background – The Sidewinder, by Lee Morgan, a man who was shot to death by his common law wife in 1972… which is an indicator that he probably had a couple toxic traits of his own.

We’re all out here doing our best.

Maybe contending with all of this is just what being a grown up is.
I guess I’m a fucking grown up.

ALSO: I was recently interviewed as a guest on a new podcast called Pillars of Creation. It was an honour and a really fun conversation. Giving them a like & a follow on their socials is worth it, I assure you. Check my conversation below.

the end of the year

The time of perennial celebration for the sake of tradition is finally coming to a close. Though it’s statistically ominous, we believe our livers will keep filtering toxins properly for a couple more days before we as a species, en masse, declare our intentions for clean living & regular exercise in the new year. Every gym and online subscription-based diet plan is currently throwing good money after bad in hopes of securing their income for another few months.

We’ve grown irritable toward our loved ones due to subsiding primarily on junk food for the past several days and we’re all loathing our return to work – except, of course, for the undercredited people who’ve been working in retail spaces and restaurants for the entire ‘vacation time’ that everyone else has been taking.

I don’t drink, and despite a few brief breaks from my regular eating program, am pretty regimented in the diet department. I can also say that I maintained my level of fitness apart from days that the gym was closed.

I don’t know what’s coming around the bend this year but I do know that if you truly believe that the coming year will be better than the previous one, you’ll ultimately be correct. This is based on mindset alone.

Me? My year was great. 2024 beat 2023 hands-down, and although 2023 wasn’t without its challenges, I can say that it surpassed 2022 if for no other reason than the notion that 2022 prepared me for 2023. So I have no doubt in my mind about 2025 because I refuse to live in a state of constant wallowing.

Don’t get me wrong – depression is a real thing, and I won’t take that away from you. I am not talking about depression. I am talking about the folks that aren’t necessarily depressed, but tend to dwell on the darker, bleaker sides of humanity, who spend time consuming dank garbage on social media, and who live with the constant, unwavering belief that we are living in the darkest timeline…

… because, if that’s what you focus on, it’s all you’ll see.

There are a few different religious texts that says that “the truth will be what convinces” which is often taken to mean that we will learn the truth and believe it… but what it actually means is: Whatever you are convinced is true, will be true.

So if you think you’ll never lose enough weight… or that Trump is going to destroy the working poor… or that your boss will overlook your abilities – then you’re destined to only see examples to support these things. However – If you believe you can run your first marathon in 2025… or that you’ll see personal growth and success in your job… or that things will improve economically or socially in your region – then you’ll see examples of that.

This is why I tend to (silently) take issue with the notion of people “speaking their truth” when their truth tends to be more of a questionably formed opinion passed off as fact… because we have to be good to each other, and build each other up… rather than tell each other how it is all the time.

So – whatever kind of New Year you choose to have, I hope good fortune visits you beyond what you thought possible.

receiving

I’ve recently returned from a trip with my family. My immediate family… we cast off the shackles of conventional work, boarded an international flight bound for Denver, Colorado and spent the better part of 4 days taking in a heaping helping of life affirming adventures.

The notion for the trip started with my daughter wanting to attend a concert that way coming to town that; if we’d have gone ahead with it, would have been the very first time any of us bought a ticket for a single concert that crested the $1000 mark. None of us could justify it, even that artist’s biggest fan in the house wanted to spend her hard-earned part-time paycheck on such an extravagant outing. I told her “I bet we could get on an airplane and see someone cooler for less money” and as much as I lost that bet by a country mile, we forged ahead with reckless abandon.

We bought tickets to Tyler Childers in Boulder, as all of his Canadian dates were sold out – but an open-air Saturday night concert in Boulder, right up close to the Rocky Mountains sounded like a good plan. We made ourselves a long weekend of it, stayed in a hotel I never would have gotten for myself, and threw down on thrift-store shopping, great food, concert merch, car services, $7 lattes, and at the almost-last-minute, we decided to add another concert ticket to the tab, and got to see Sierra Farrell at The Mission Ballroom while we were in Colorado as well.

I had a great trip with my gals, and my daughter is still beaming through the exhaustion from this whirlwind adventure. It was 100% worth it.

The part that I couldn’t put an earthly value on, was completely losing myself in the most life-affirming way. The type of show that would make a weaker musician give up entirely made me want to play more, write more, tour more, and push my own boundaries more than ever.

My soul was fed and nurtured by both of those incredible artists and I’ve never been more sure of what I’m supposed to be doing… and make no mistake – I was really sure before.

I was given a gift in my attendance of these shows that I won’t soon forget. I am eternally grateful.

nature boy

I like to run. It fills me up.

I’ve been going for a few years now and it’s brought so much joy into my life – not only to run – but to run outside. At this stage of the game, climate notwithstanding, if I can’t run outside then there’s little point to running at all. So I run outside, even when the weather sucks, and I haven’t run less than 5km this year. Typically I shoot for 10 or more kilometers but there’s been a few 8km loops since that takes me around an hour.

This can take a round of of my legs, meaning I only really get to do it 3 days a week… which makes me want to go even longer. I typically do between 20 & 35km per week and that’s slowly turning into 25-40km.

So, in conjunction with the old half-marathon training program I’ve been revisiting, I’m also revisiting the old triathlon training program… and getting on my bike – again, generally a rain-or-shine outdoor activity. It allows me to destroy the other parts of my legs that running doesn’t kill.

I’ll get back to swimming eventually, too.

The key here, is being outside.
I’m not a fan of running on an indoor track, though I’ll do it. Same goes for stationary bikes. I hate treadmills.

The spiritual connection to nature I feel when I’m pushing myself to exhaustion and delirium while being immersed is addictive. I don’t have to be on the edge of exhaustion to enjoy nature, or to feel that connection, but there’s something magical that happens when you’ve depleted yourself and poured out all of your energy, all of your emotion, all of your sweat, all of your stress and cuss-words and anxiety and frustration until you’re completely empty and ready to be refilled by the hand of God, and just then the hand of God arrives and gives you music and poetry and breath.

I’ve tried my share of man-made things to help me feel this euphoric, but our species just doesn’t have the tech to make this happen without also killing us simultaneously… and our species also can’t beat the price.

Nature is all around us.
Nature is us.
And one of the most short-sighted things we ever did was decide to view ourselves as separate from nature.
If we saw ourselves as the extension of nature that we are, we’d behave much more differently to each other and to our environment.

going without

I feel like everywhere I look, I see positive & negative reports of intermittent fasting. It’s been like that for some time in my feed, and i know a bunch of people doing it. It never really appealed to me for a couple of reasons, such as:
– I am a food addict.
– People seem to do it to lose weight, and it seems like a odd way to try and lose weight from my purview, especially since I’ve never personally witnessed anyone lose any noticeable amount of weight doing it.
– Intermittent fasting implements the notion of eating during a specific window of time everyday, which is fine, but that’s not what the term intermittent actually means.
– As someone with a rough relationship with food, it seems like a fantastic way to mask an eating disorder.
– It’s a fad

For someone who keeps his personal health at the center of most decisions, the proposed health benefits never really made me want to try it… (and there ARE health benefits, I’m just not certain that weightloss is one of them).

Nonetheless, my girlfriend and I have been trying it on in the most entry-level way. For the time being we’ve adopted a 12-hour eating window followed by a 12-hour fasting window (much of which we’re asleep for). Immediately we’ve noticed an increase in the quality of sleep we’re getting, and with an eating window that closes at 5:30pm, evening snacking is off-limits. Often that 12-hour fast gets stretched to 13 or 14 hours, which is great. Breaking fast at 6am and following it with a long run (60-90 minutes or more) or a strenuous workout nets a greater sense of accomplishment and satisfaction with my efforts.

However; these benefits are not the cause of my curiosity so much as they are an added bonus.

No, the reason fasting appeals to me is completely spiritual. The yogis, the gurus, the krishnas, the muslims, the hunger-strikers, and Jesus himself all fasted in a state of meditation and prayer, as a show of strength and sacrifice to a higher power and were ultimately cosmically rewarded, perhaps even victorious in one way or another. This action seems to put me in better contact with the universe, with my environment as a part of nature, and in harmony with the various beings that I cohabitate with on this planet.

There’s a lot of science for & against fasting for numerous reasons, and usually I like to have the science to back up a decision. It sure came in handy when I started running long distances, when I became vegan, and a number of other decisions I’ve made – but I have to say that in this instance, the scientific discussion has little bearing on my desire to do it.

Again, my efforts so far have been small, but I can’t help but wonder what a 36-hour water-only fast might look like – what wonderful music I might create or words I may channel.

Maybe I’ll see God.
Maybe I’ll sleep a lot.
Either way, I’ll experience something I’ve never experienced before – maybe even something that nobody’s ever experienced before, and my life will be richer for the experience.

My life is richer for every experience.

in the wilderness

Last week I talked a little bit about purpose, and walking my path with purpose, and as I develop that thought further I know that in the past, I’ve followed my path through life a little more closely. I got shaken off my narrow path by a few things and got lost in the bush… but I’m working my way back.

Leaving my path was reactionary. At first anyway. Some punches got dealt to my family that we had to roll with, into uncharted territory. I’m (still) not going to get into it in great detail because the stories aren’t mine to tell, but ultimately we did the best with what we had at the time.

After that, I joined a 12-step group for overeaters anonymous. I can honestly say I tried it with all the energy I had to spare at the time and although the merits of the recovery communities are widely lauded by many (including me) I have since concluded that the group I was in was not for me. I learned that the way I’m wired is a little different, and what really resonates with me is moving forward. I’m not sure if it’s the group I was in, or if all groups are like this – but constantly living in the downtrodden stories of relapse and regret did not help me to endear or relate to anyone so much as it slowed my progress.

It was also the first time I’d ever heard the term “exercise bulimic” before, and although you could probably paint me with that brush to some extent, I maintain a level of safety and awareness in my fitness regimen that excludes me from that. Furthermore, if I have in fact transfered my addiction to something positive and helpful, and for the matter, manageable… and rather than compulsively drinking my face off, I compulsively work to enhance my diet and overall health… well, I guess I fail to see the problem.

Regardless, my point was that the group of spiritually like-minded people I was spending time with did not help me on my path so much as they pulled me onto a different one.

So now I’m working my way back.
How?
Well…

One of the things I used to never be able to do was “trust my gut.” My gut was sick and full of garbage most of the time. “Following my heart” was equally trepidatious, as my heart wasn’t in any condition to lead me anywhere… which left me with my brain – the organ solely responsible for overthinking, that had also been pushed to its limit in multiple ways.
… Not a great situation.

Since getting my health on track, my gut and my heart have been a lot more trustworthy, and work well in tandem with my brain – so when I hear or see something that speaks to me, I am ready to listen and willing to implement change where needed. This, for lack of any other appropriate term, is how I hear the voice of God. It comes to me through compelling conversations with friends, through podcasts, through autobiographical books, religious texts, song lyrics, stories from friends and strangers… and I am usually in a physical state of being able to receive the voice of God, because I am sober and nourished (though there are other factors, such as environment and frame of mind to consider.)

From there, I have to trust my three brains – the head, the heart, and the gut – to allow certain pieces of information to resonate.

Could I be led astray again? Absolutely. There are salesmen everywhere.
Will I allow that to deter me from trying to expand my consciousness? No. I hope I never do. I’ll strive to sit somewhere between skeptical and naive.

My path is taking me somewhere. I can’t stop here.

So I probably said a bunch of words people don’t like to think about much. “God” and “sober” are likely a couple of them. All I can say is, please try not to let singular words get in the way of the message. I’m not a religious zealot and I don’t aspire to be one, nor am I here to judge people for their habits around drinking or substance use.

This is just a blog. But if it speaks to you then I hope you’re ready to receive whatever message you got.