I’m on a bit of a spiritual journey. I guess I always have been, and it’s taken me to some uncomfortable places and some very comfortable places in my life, and the only thing I can tell you with any true affirmation is that both the good stretches and the rough stretches are temporary.
This year has been uncomfortable and amazing all at the same time. I’ve been honing a new skill and an old skill simultaneously while life throws curve-ball after curve-ball in my direction. I’ve been comforted and challenged; often simultaneously, and often from the same source, and while I don’t always know how to feel about what’s going on around me, I have learned that I am strong in ways that I’d never realized, and fragile in ways I’d never anticipated.
All that really means is that I am human, and that I am capable of change – but none of us are capable of change unless we take an active role.
This is where patience comes in… which is probably a discussion or another day.
Now, I have AuDHD (ADHD & Autism combined into one baffling diagnosis) so when I dig into a topic, I dig in real fuckin’ hard. So, in anticipation of this I refreshed my brain’s knowledge of the left hand & right hand path, the straight & narrow, Jesus’ sermon on the mount… and ultimately deep-dove into righteousness and selfishness, and if I was to sum it up into two sentences, it would look something like this:
How righteous someone is largely depends on whether or not the author – who is ALWAYS a human – felt about the intentions of the person they’ve labeled as righteous, and not whether or not righteous deeds were being done. Furthermore; many ‘righteous’ people throughout biblical history were actually heinous people who were actively doing heinous things, and the word ‘righteous’ gets unfair attention in many of those stories.
A possible 3rd sentence might be: Most of your preconceived notions about what is ‘sinful’ are likely lost in translation. At any rate, I’m of the relatively newfound opinion that a truly spiritual life ought not be guided by the culturally and regionally acceptable practices of a 2000 year old civilization, often written hundreds of years after the fact and translated by people with political and religious agendas and personal convictions.
TLDR: Jesus had some interesting and insightful things to say. It’s a shame his fan club doesn’t know what most of them are.
When I talk about spirituality, I am referring to my relationship with the rapidly deteriorating environment and the very questionable people that inhabit it. I am talking about my sense of purpose and the direction of my life and my interests. I’m talking about my questionably-wired brain and my surroundings… my artistic endeavours… my gift to humanity.
I’m currently fighting an ailment – nothing detrimental – that is affecting my artistic life.
It’s causing me to pause and reflect, and to take inventory of my blessings and my gifts, and the symbiotic relationship I have with this world. It’s stretching my empathy and my sympathy for people in similar circumstances, even though by comparison, my problem would hardly register as a problem at all.
It’s a physical strain brought on by an unfortunate set of circumstances and I’m being forced to rest and rehabilitate my wrist. It fucking sucks, but I am forced to be proactive about rest and recovery, changing habits, and allowing a level of self-care and patience that I rarely afford myself.
In short: my wrist hurts, and its affecting my guitar playing.
I won’t be a victim… but I will be my own advocate, and my own nurse when the situation calls for it, and it’s calling for it now.
How is this a spiritual challenge?
Playing guitar has been my identity for decades. Music connects me with other humans, and IS my environment of choice. How is it not a spiritual challenge?
Do I think there’s a cosmic rationale for this?
I won’t know till I’m back in full-force, so we’ll have to see how my brain and my artistry evolve through this quiet recovery time.
I ain’t done yet though.
