Tag: diy

progression

I write a lot about progress. I wonder if it’s because on some subconscious level, I’m never where I want to be. I’ve read enough to know that the general consensus among spiritual gurus and self-help authors alike is that “in order to move forward, you must be happy where you are.“

I know. Right away I see the flaw in that line of thinking… “If I am happy where I am, I won’t want to go in any direction, even forward,” except that movement is not an option – it’s mandatory. We are always moving. There is no staying still, because even if you were to stay still, the world would pass you by.

They say you can never step in the same river twice – not only because the water is moving, but because you are always in a state of flux and growth. The only thing we can do is recall memories, and even those are fairly random, and viewed through the lense of someone who’s progressed beyond that moment.

Such is the case with training.

I have shirtless progress photos of myself from 3 years ago, and at the time I was building to something, toning and training and chiseling away at a physique that; now, as I look back, was there the whole time. And as hard as I train, as long as I run, and as heavy as I lift, I can’t go back there because I have to live here, and now.

The reality is that here, and now, I am stronger than that former version of myself that I often envy. My muscles are bigger, my chest is broader, my stamina is better and my determination is stronger, my nutrition is more in-tune – so then why do I continually focus my gaze on the extra fat that my torso and thighs carry when I am so much more advanced in other ways? Why do I focus on the parts I don’t like?

And even while focusing on this singular attribute that I have decided is negative, I know I am happier than before. Beyond what I’ve listed already, my mind is stronger and more determined, my experiences are more vast, my relationships are further along, and the people in my life are older and wiser, too. And as I carry on, so will all of these things… and that little layer of fat will take care of itself in time, because I am diligent, and determined… and there is no finish line, or off-season.

I need to give myself a break.
Just today.
But tomorrow… I go for a long run.

acceleration

I’m back on my training bullshit. Sorry, not sorry.

When everywhere you look, you see people sliding into complacency with their brains and their physical bodies, whipping yourself into shape is an act of rebellion. Endurance sport is punk rock, despite the chosen attire worn by runners. I don’t make the rules.

I let my endurance training slide over the winter in exchange for a more aggressive weightlifting routine and the results are in. I am broader-chested and slightly bigger all around in both the desired ways and the undesired ways. That is to say, I’m cutting now… and I’m cutting hard. I’m currently averaging between 19 & 24 kms per week, 3-4 days per week, and lifting weights twice per week still. I’m also cycling wherever possible, which will include trips to the studio, as well as other mud-laden adventures though the river valley.

Spring came early, so I’m on bonus time and I’m seizing every opportunity.

I got a smart watch last year. A Garmin forerunner, which is great for multisport, and I’m working through a program that adapts to my weekly & monthly progress and sets challenges for me the following week. It monitors heartrate, sleep score, energy expenditures through the day… ultimately it’s the first plausible use for artificial intelligence I’ve actually come across, by way of a digital personal trainer.

My target event, at this point, is the Edmonton Marathon race day. I’ve told it that I’m training for the half marathon, but I haven’t yet told myself that. I suppose I have no reason not to do it other than the fact that races are hard. I’m still mulling that over, I guess.

All that aside, I’ve recently turned a corner in my physique. My body is getting to my desired shape & form, and I’m able to do some pretty amazing things in regards to distance and endurance.

It’s having a positive influence on my writing and composition as a musician and creator as well. I’m consistently writing meaningful and thoughtful pieces of music and poetry that are taking shape as songs that may one day see the light of day. It’s amazing to watch these things come about in front of me.

It’s a real testament to feeding my brain and my body the good stuff they require in order to get the desired result. Good, clean, plant-based foods and thoughtfully written books and songs, balanced with the time required to process and digest all of it. Add sunlight & water.

It’s like taking care of a plant.
I am a plant.
Hopefully I bear fruit.

motivation

I’m motivated. And I’m inspired.

… but there’s something to know about inspiration and motivation, and that is that they are temporary. I am currently a little heavier than I want to be, and it’s a strange place to be because I ultimately chose it.

I don’t mean that in the sense that I ‘chose to eat a dozen cupcakes‘ but I did choose to put my endless cardio on the shelf for a bit so that I could focus on developing muscle, and the good news is that it worked. The bad news is, that when you eat more – yes, even healthy food – and lift more, muscle is not the only thing you gain… so it’s time to cut – and cut I shall.

I’ve been doing some HIIT training a couple times a week over the past couple months amid the heavy weightlifting, which has been great, but a few years ago I hit on something that I’m particularly good at (for better or worse) and that is jogging. I can run in Zone 2 (heart rate zone, that is) for swaths of time, to the point that at the end of February, I thought I’d just ‘see what I can do’ since it had been a while since I’d put in a long-ish run.
I ran 8km.
It took about an hour.
First run back after a winter of lifting weights.

I’m sure you can tell by the way I phrased that, but I’m happy with that. That’s essentially the pace I left off at when seasonal allergies took me out of the running game in the fall. I now do it 3 times a week… longer when I can, but really, between weight training 3 times per week and running 3 days per week, I’m pretty full-up.

It’s also as spiritual as it was before.
I’d almost forgotten how connected I feel to myself, and to my environment when I’m doing this – especially outside. To push myself closer to the ever-changing limit of what I am capable of is such a magical place. I’m not heading into the river valley just yet, because to fall on the ice is to endanger my artistic life, but I can’t wait.

I also have some light bike repair to complete before getting back into the mud on my mountain bike, but that’s coming soon, too.

I do everything I can to quell the winter blues, and ultimately I do a much better job of that than ever before, but that doesn’t mean that springtime isn’t massively optimistic time for me.

I’m so ready.

At this point I’m flirting with the idea of entering a race, but in the end what I really want to do is just run. Run for me. Do I need an event to stay on track? Not really. Would it be fun? Probably.

I guess I’ll have to see what my summer gig schedule looks like.

fatigue

I’m not sure that the general populous of the human race in 2025 even knows how to rest. With the general onslaught of information; this blog notwithstanding, there is a constant need to decipher misinformation and half-truths that; if we’re lucky, is only peppered in between bouts of 9-5 work and/or hustle-culture gigs, child-rearing, school, hopefully an exercise regimen and ideally some food prep… and any number of other things.

Personally, and as ignorant as it may seem, I unfollowed and blocked frequent posters of American politics. As a Canadian, American politics are foreign, and thus are not something I can (a) contribute to, (b) vote in, or (c) control the outcome of in ny way. Provincial and national politics are my business, but a lot of that gets filtered out because many Canadians don’t seem to realize that there’s a difference between American and Canadian politics, or are at least impassioned about both (most with a level of futility).

I can get into that more, but I probably won’t.

Most of us think we are slaves to the algorithm in some measure or other, but just as much as ‘liking’ posts influences what you will see later, so does indicating what is not of interest by way of hitting the X in the top right corner of a facebook post, or clicking ‘not interested’ under the ‘3 dots’ in the top right corner of a Threads post.

I won’t say that this has quelled my phone addiction, but it’s certainly tamed it.

Beyond that, I wear a Garmin Forerunner that tells me how well I sleep on a scale of 1 to 100. I don’t think I’ve ever crested 83, and I’ve gone as low as 65 which will make for a fairly sub-standard effort through my day. I generally get about 7 hours per night between 10pm and 5am with a 90-minute workout.

I’m by no measure a professional when it comes to proper rest and recuperation, but I have made improvements in my life. Future goals include (a) drinking enough water, and (b) amplifying my workout regimen.

I just try to do a little better as I go.

I hope you do, too.

just lucky

I’m aware of my privilege… more and more all the time. In the past few years I’ve managed to reach the age where this whole fragile and flawed system by which we live is set up for me to succeed – at least as much as is possible in the wake of unsustainable financial devastation left for us by our boomer ancestors.

I live in a nice little house in an up-&-coming area of town, I have a partner I scarcely deserve for a myriad of reasons, and a well-mannered and intelligent teenage kid who is turning into a very thoughtful and smart adult. I drive a good vehicle. I have a vintage hobby car and a stable full of excellent guitars. I write rock & roll songs and I record and perform them with some very talented musicians, and I get paid more handsomely than ever before to do that. Sure, I have a day job, but it’s a very good one, where I am treated well and have influence. I supervise some very cool people, and we make each other’s lives easier whenever possible. Things will continue to get better and better.

I guess this is optimism.

As this gets posted, I’m actually in the middle of a 3-day mini-tour of Southern Alberta. We played Calgary on Thursday, and Castle Mountain Ski Resort last night, and today we’re en route to Lethbridge before heading home on Sunday. We’ll be heading home with money in our pockets, and we’ll begin making a new record when we get there.

Once upon a time I fantasized about this life. A recent phone conversation with an old friend reminded me of that… which reminds me, I should call him again.

I’m truly grateful for what I have and where it’s going.
If everything halted in it’s tracks and this is exactly what my life was until I died, I would be content. This is what it is to be happy, I think. I once heard someone say “the only joy you find on the summit of Mount Everest is the joy you bring with you” and I believe this to be true.

To illustrate that point, I deal with a ton of bullshit every day at work, every time I turn around I feel like I’m handing someone else hundreds of dollars, my personal time is precious and fleeting at best. Corporations and family members alike are bleeding me dry and I don’t sleep enough. When something comes up, my early morning routine and my finely tuned diet are the first things to go, which results in me feeling fat and unhealthy during times when I need the opposite to be true. I spend too much time in hotel rooms. I work long hours…

… you get the picture. This is called realism.

Even so, I’m so aware of the great things happening in my life that none of those complaints hold any real weight. I realize this is a choice I’ve made. Happiness is a choice, and reminding ourselves of the positive perspective that we’re allowed to have is a choice.

Realism & Optimism. Why do we think about these words in contrast? Why is the ‘realistic’ view such a negative way of looking at things when the great things we have in our lives can easily be identified as ‘real’?

I don’t think we need to be all pollyanna about everything, necessarily, but the notion that ‘where your treasure is, your heart will also be‘ becomes a pretty strong statement when people constantly dwell on the negative. Our treasure is our focus – so if we focus on the darkness, we can expect our hearts to go dark as well. It’s for this reason that goal-oriented people tend to be magnetic and inspiring.

The time for hibernation and doom-scrolling will be over soon.
We’ll be able to go outside and feel the sun again.

thief of joy

As much as I eschew clickbait, I do still see those absurd headlines attempting to conjure clicks and engagement. The one I happened across just before writing this entry was about how Taylor Swift is the cultural heir (for lack of a better term) to what Bruce Springsteen has cultivated over his decades of writing and performing. I don’t really care what that article says, but I know enough to be able to acknowledge that Springsteen can do no wrong in most older music fans’ eyes, and that Taylor Swift is a polarizing character because she’s seen to have not ‘paid her dues’ yet for some bonkers reason. Hence… the clicks.

Chock it up to chauvinism, generational baggage, or whatever you want in order to justify the old guard’s disdain or distrust of Taylor Swift – but the fact is that this is not how all of this works. It’s not a royal bloodline in the monarchical sense – but proposing it might be a royal bloodline does serve to upset people who might not realize the bullshit factor in these types of comparisons.

Comparison. What a bitch.

Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s been said so many times that it’s almost meaningless when we hear it, but the distraction that comes with comparison can derail so much greatness. The amount of alcohol I’ve ingested, the amount of bad food I’ve eaten, and the amount of drugs I’ve done pale in comparison to the distraction I’ve put in my own way through being concerned with what other people are doing, and what successes other people are seeing from their efforts.

“This peformer is ___ years younger than me”
“That video has ___ more views than mine”
“That band has ___ more people at their shows than me”

… all of it distracts from what it truly important in my life – which is: am I engaging in my purpose?

None of that shit matters.

What I’m doing matters.
But… What I’m doing doesn’t matter to you – or at least it shouldn’t – partly; if not completely, because it brings about a sense of fear, and fear doesn’t live in the present moment… it lives in the future.

That brings about another thought which might seem to come from out of left field, but I think it relates. That is the potential role of A.I. in art and music as the future comes hurtling toward us.

It was recently put to me that with the advent of companies buying up the catalogued works of Bob Dylan, Dee Snider, and other song cafters of the 20th century and the growing ‘threat’ of A.I.’s presence in the arts are linked, and that these catalogues will be fed into A.I. machines for the purpose of creating more Bob Dylan (and others’) records long after the death of artists like him, and that “this is what we’ll be competing with in the future.”

I have to say that if this is remotely true, I won’t be competing.
It won’t be a competition.
If there’s a market for computer generated music, it’s likely going to be in genres of music that are inherently perfect. Recordings that have been engineered to a point of soulless perfection will be under threat of being undercut by machines that can do it faster and cheaper, and that don’t come with the flawed human elements of coping with addiction, trauma, stress, and all the other things that make art a reflection of humanity.

There will be no competition because there will be no comparison. If anything, it’s just as likely that value on human performances – flawed, imperfect performances – will increase, because it is real and relatable… and because as close as these things can get to being authentically human, humans still have a gut instinct that tells them when something is ingenuine, or outright bullshit.

If anything, my skills will be even more specialized as less people are actively doing them live and in-studio.

… there will be no comparison.
And my joy in performing my craft will stay intact.

best years

I’m not sue if it’s because I think a lot, or because I’m approaching what most people consider to be mid-life (though I’m planning on living a long & healthy life, the length of which I shouldn’t be half way through yet) but I lend a bit of thought to when a person might ‘peak.’

Even as I write this, that feels like damning language, but it’s fair to say that once you reach a certain age, you won’t be able to perform to the same level as you once could. Typically this notion is cast upon athletes, which is something I can consider myself now (though not professional by any measure) but as years go by it gets cast over musicians and performers; as well, not being able to sing or perform to the level they could in their ‘prime.’

It’s most startling in athletes though. The thought that someone’s athletic potential in a given sport could come & go before the age of 25 years old (and that’s generous in some sports) is a hard thing to hear for me – someone who is a staunch late-bloomer in a number of ways. To spend the latter 3/4 of a century in the shadow of a mountain you once climbed is a dangerous existence, fraught with high-risk decisions making, if one does not re-examine their sights and focus on a new goal. There are too many cliche examples to mention.

Suffice to say, I couldn’t be happier to have become the late-bloomer I am. Being in my 40s and taking my creative career more seriously than ever has it’s daunting moments, for sure, but it beats the shit out of burning out early. A few years ago, I decided that I’m not finished doing what I do, and quite honestly I’ve been writing my best and most important lyrics ever since, and playing, performing, and composing better than ever – and that’s not even and objective statement. I am more technically proficient and intentional than ever before.

I know that’s a mouthful – but the important part was that I decided to level-up. My history is one of massive and lengthy self-doubt and fear of success before I decided to clean up my act – but as one once so poignantly stated: “If one desires to climb the Ziggurat, one must take the first step.”

So the real question isn’t about the past at all.
The real question to ask is: Are your best years behind you?

Being a first round NHL draft pick at 19 years old, or being a self-medicated & socially lubricated songwriter navigating a local music scene in a medium-sized city is completely irrelevant at the age of 40 years old, because you can’t go back and change it no matter how you feel about it.

You can’t live there.
You can’t live there any more than you can live in the future where you’re a wild & unbridled success… you can picture both the future and the past, and use them to guide your decisions today, but you have to live here in the present.

Only fear can live in the past.
Only doubt can live in the future.
But success and potential, inspiration and discipline – those live here and now.

I can say definitively… My best years are in front of me.

Check out the new podcast I was recently interviewed for! Pillars of Creation is a new podcast dedicated to creators, by creators, for creators, and is definitely worth a like & a follow & a subscribe!